I learned a lot on my short weekend trip to my BF's wedding. I decided to share my newfound knowledge with all of you, for lack of having anything else to blog about other than how much the middle of a book sucks to write. Now, I did not experience each of these lessons personally, but I am wise enough to learn from the mistakes of others. Most of them, sadly, are just normal parts of my life.
- Never use the steam setting of an iron on a dress with a big tag that says “DO NOT USE STEAM.”
- If you scribble furiously on a piece of paper while on the plane or in the waiting area of the gate, the people next to you will most definitely read over your shoulder to see what’s so interesting. Write in code or so sloppy they can’t decipher it.
- I-5 between Portland and Eugene is completely empty at 2AM. Set the cruise to 70 and kick back with some Jack in the Box bacon cheddar potato wedges.
- The Maid of Honor does everything. This includes lying to the bride constantly to keep her from freaking out about the fact that the wedding starts in 15 minutes and all the guys JUST SHOWED UP.
- Do not ever, ever eat Jordan Almonds. Even if you suck on them until they’re baby food, a broken tooth inevitably waits. I went to the dentist yesterday morning. Can you say “$800 crown?”
- Even if you write your maid of honor speech in advance, make sure it’s witty and not too sentimental, you will still cry halfway through it while 150 people are watching you.
- Don’t make your wedding programs too early. One of your attendants might decide to elope in Reno the weekend of your wedding and you’ll have to sit up until 2AM the night before the wedding folding and tying ribbons on the new ones.
- Not all hotel smoke detectors are electrically powered. Some have batteries and these batteries can and will go out at 2:45 in the morning. Don't expect the night shift guy at the front desk to come to your rescue with a ladder and some AA's.
- Flower girls and ring bearers will always do something silly. If you want a serious wedding, don’t have them.
- The fireworks sold in Vancouver are WAY better than the ones here and are, most likely, illegal here for good reason.
- Staying at a hotel across the street from U of O while a basketball camp is in town is just like living in a dorm, only it costs $80 a night and there's no RA.
- Always stay true to what you want. It doesn’t matter if your mother thinks your wedding cake looks like it danced out of the Mad Hatter’s Tea party, if you like it, have it. It’s your cake. Same goes with anything else in life.
- The city of Eugene, Oregon was laid out entirely by stoned hippies with no concept of how streets should flow.
- Register for a lot of towels. They’re expensive and for some reason, wedding guests just seem compelled to buy them.
- Sadly, despite what we write, not all wedding nights are what you expect them to be. Sometimes, after all the hoopla, the wedding, reception, the after party...by the end of the night, you’re glad to sleep anywhere, even your new mother-in-law’s house. Sexy, huh?
- If you go for a spray tan at the salon, don’t use white towels, wear white bras, or let anyone see your hands for the next week. Be liberal with the blocking lotion.
- If you change clothes in a field at the reception while hovering behind a car door, you’ll probably lose your wallet.
- If you ever stay in a $45 a night hotel by the airport, keep your socks on. Even in the shower. You’ll catch cooties if you don’t.
- It is 100% worth it to be a member of a rental car club, like Avis. Sometimes, they’ll just upgrade you for no good reason. What would I have done if they had given me the Oldsmobile Alero I rented instead of the wonderful Ford Freestyle with the fold down seats? I would have had to put the flowers, the wedding cake, all the programs AND 2 bridesmaids in the trunk. Not pretty.
- And finally...when it’s all said and done, despite everything that goes wrong, if, at the end of the day the couple is married...it’s all good.
A very eventful couple of days, I'll tell you. Feel free to share any tidbits of wisdom you might have garnered over the summer travels thus far. Oh yeah, and as promised, here's the green dress. It's got too much yellow to be lime, fortunately not nearly as neon as it looked on davidsbridal.com. Anyway, I made it look GOOD!
(PS. Check out the numbers below! I'm only 6% from officially being out of the middle and on my way to the end!)
42,500 / 70,000