Tuesday, May 29, 2007

The voices in my head

Sunday, 3 pm

Opens WIP file.

Let’s see, where was I? Oh, yeah, dinner. Okay, so he’s playing footsie with her under the table…

Pssst. Hey. My name’s Kayla. Wanna write my story? Get this—Chapter One opens with me waking up naked in the hero’s bed and I’m not totally sure how I got there. Cool, huh?

Gee, that’s great. I’m kinda busy with these two right now. Just take a number and I’ll get to you later.

These two are boring. They wouldn’t know conflict if it bit them in the ass. Me? I’ve got oooodles of confict. Internal, External—I’m just rolling in conflict. Add in my hero and it’s practically an emotional train wreck waiting to happen.

They’re not boring, and they do too have conflict. It’s just more subtle. Now, shoo. I’m busy here.

You call that conflict? Snore. Plus, I have angst. Lots of angst. I could handle more if you want. You can even give me an alcoholic mother and an emotionally distant father. I can work with that.

Really? Ooh, Angel would be so pleased. Tell me more about this angsty internal conflict of yours… Can you be funny too? NO. Wait. Don’t answer that. I’m working on THIS book right now. Go stew in your angst some and come back after these two are living happily ever after.

But they’re being difficult. I would be so easy to write. I promise. Just let me and my hero—his name’s Jake, by the way, and he has those broad shoulders you love so much and big brown eyes—rip and you’ll have us finished in no time. Those two are going to be fighting over dinner for the next six freakin’ months at this rate and I’ll never get written.

(Fingers in ears) La, La, La, I’m not listening to you.

Oh, that’s mature. I’m not going anywhere. Just hit Save—not that you’ve written anything worth saving recently—and open up a fresh, new file. Come on. Just type Chapter One. You know you want to.

(Louder) They’re playing footsie under the table and he says…

Oh for the love of Mike. Fine. I’ll tell you what. Just type out my first couple of pages. Try me out. You can always come back to these deadweights later. Just a couple of quick pages. You know all the NYT bestsellers do it. What have you got to lose?



How about I write down your vitals and promise to get back to you in a month?

A month? You think you can whip this book into shape in a month? Please.

One month. I’ll give myself a deadline. You can come bug me endlessly after that until I write your story.

Seriously? Okay, then. But one month is all you’ve got, sister. My friend Helen is over here working up her own Inner Conflict and I’ve told her she has to wait until I’m on paper. And she’s really impatient.

Thank you. (Closes eyes to think and picture scene.)

What are you wating for? Clock’s ticking, sweetie. You’d better move quickly from footsie to something far more interesting or we’ll all be asleep by the end of this chapter. Type, Wannabe, type! Tick, tock!

If you don’t go away, I’ll give you bad skin or jiggly thighs.

My hero would love me anyway.

AND saggy boobs.

Sigh. Fine. Go write your non-conflict filled book. It’ll never sell. I’m far more marketable, you know. Editors love spunky heroines like me.

I’ll give your hero—Jake, was it?—a small penis.

You wouldn’t. You couldn’t. Romance heroes are never lacking in that department. But, okay, you’ve made your point. I’m outta here. For now.

(Waits. Hears only silence. Sighs.) Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, dinner.

/a pause/

I wonder how Kayla ended up in Jake's bed...

Hel-lo? Remember us? Gwen and Will? We've been sitting here playing footsie for, like ever. Focus, lady, focus. Could you please figure out what happens next and just get us finished?

Okay, Okay, I'm working on it.


I am, really, working on it.


Smarty Pants said...

Poor PC. I know what you mean. Everyone says my hero is boring and there's plenty of other stuff I could be writing at the moment. Sigh.

Rhonda said...

The grass is always greener in the new file, dear. You'll get used to that. :-)

Instigator said...

Stay strong, PC! You're the master of their universe. Don't let them convince you otherwise.

And, SP, your hero is not boring! Adding a little extra something though would just push him into the stratosphere of larger than life.


Kathy said...

LOL. I got a kick out of this, PC! It's good to know I'm not alone. I've got pirates in my head and they're ready to keelhall me if I don't hurry up, finish this WIP and two others. Let's put it this way... they're like multiple Jack Sparrows from Davy Jones' Locker and I'm throwing rocks only to see them reappear where I found them. Oh, the horror!

How do we deal with the voices? Especially when they are fresh, offer adventure, a break from the monotony?

Mine tell me, the plot isn't good enough. They tell me to fix it. Offer suggestions. Serpentine! Serpentine! And then they proceed to remind me of self-imposed deadlines. (Raises hands in exasperation)

Mavens where are you? Calgon take me away!


Playground Monitor said...

I love Rhonda's "grass is greener" comment. It's so true.

I'm on an unplanned, extended vacation this week and only have the notes for my current WIP so maybe... just maybe... those characters and only those characters will speak to me. Maybe the others won't be able to find me hidden away here. Maybe???


Lynn Raye Harris said...

Hugs, PC. I so sympathize. Love Rhonda's comment though. Have to remember that one when someone who isn't supposed to be there pops into my head during the current WIP and starts talking. :)

Anonymous said...

Been there. Just don't ever give up. Ever.

Angel said...

I'm just glad I've found people who actually understand all the people running around in my head. So I'm not crazy...