Monday, May 07, 2007

Things I learned this weekend at the Luncheon.

1.) I can scare people. When the room wasn’t set correctly when I arrived Saturday morning, several phone calls produced two muscular guys ready to move tables. However, there was a 20 ft screen that also needed to be moved. When I mentioned that, the guys started to tell me that was someone else’s responsibility. Obviously the look on my face was not a happy one, because mid-way through passing the buck, they said “Or maybe we could just move that for you.”

2.) When you ask for a breath mint and someone hands you something that looks like one of those Listerine pocket packs, make sure it’s not actually a Chloroseptic sore throat strip. Especially if you’re expected to speak shortly thereafter.

3.) Jennifer LaBrecque is a hoot to hang out with. Rhonda Nelson (while also a hoot) has bad timing when it comes to trying to be funny with the luncheon coordinator :-) . At least she didn’t seem to hold my snappish remark against me…

4.) Wear an outfit with pockets. (Every year I bemoan my lack of pockets, yet I have yet to show up in an outfit with pockets. Cute capris and little flowey skirts just don’t come with pockets.)

5.) Keep your car keys with you even if you lock the rest of your stuff in someone’s room. That way, when you get locked out of that person’s room, you can still get home.

6.) People will take centerpieces off luncheon tables without even asking. (huff)

7.) To a five-year-old, book signings look a lot like Trick-or-Treating. All the authors have candy and goodies after all. (And when Kelley St. John starts you off with half a bag of Jolly Ranchers—and the bag to fill—you can score enough sugar to be bouncing off the walls in no time.)

8.) True friends don’t mind when stress makes you an evil bitch. Instead, they come up to you with glasses of water and the wonderful soothing words of “What can I do for you now?” (Instigator adds “Hon” to the end of that statement to make you feel even more special.)

9.) Angel will be making all of my author baskets for me when I’m published. (And for everyone who thinks I’m anal about things, go show Angel a basket an author has let tip over in the car and isn’t bothering to straighten back out properly. You could just see her fingers itching…)

10.) You’ll never make everyone happy. Someone is always going to complain about something. That person can kiss your ass.

11.) Twenty authors in a bar can toss back a lot of booze, be very loud, and can embarrass traveling businessmen three tables away.

12.) If you sing Happy Birthday to Smarty Pants in public, she turns interesting shades of red.

13.) Certain people, when presented with a beautiful, unique (and not cheap) salt lamp as a gift, will feel the need to lick it to see if it’s really salty or not.

14.) People often expect you to back down if faced with opposition. “But ma’am, we can’t do that” needs to be met with raised eyebrows and the assurances that oh, yes, they can, because that was what was agreed to by their boss--no matter what it says on the silly piece of paper they’re holding. Continued denials of action need to be met with cold stares and silence until they slink off to do what you asked.

15.) Our Playground Monitor knows everyone and can get them to donate cool stuff. If not, she puts them to work. She is also an excellent Promo Ho.

16.) Authors are the coolest people to hang out with.

17.) 181 people looks like an ocean of humanity when you’re standing behind a microphone all by yourself.

But it went well, I think. The food was good. The company was good (except for a few people—see #10). We sold a lot of books for charity. I’m kinda sad my days of being in charge are over, but I’m already looking forward to next year’s luncheon.

To celebrate a successful event, I’m giving away two goodie bags left over from the luncheon. You get a Susan Kearney tote bag, 2 books, and assorted promo goodies. Just put an “I want a goodie bag” in the comments tail to enter.


Congratulations to Sassy35803, who won yesterday's prize, since her situation reminds Angel of her much-missed Mother. Please send your name and snail mail address to Angel to claim your prize.


KimW said...

I had to laugh at #6. That's so true and same with #10. It's not worth even trying to make everyone happy. Too much stress I think.

I want a goodie bag

Rhonda said...

PC, you weren't the least bit snappish! No worries! And you did such a wonderful WONDERFUL job with this luncheon.

Playground Monitor said...

#6 -- The NERVE of some people.

Everything was marvelous and I had an awesome time. So did my houseguest. She plans to come back next year and bring her aunt, who by the way was beyond thrilled with the autographed copy of Drop Dead Gorgeous my friend bought for her.


CrystalG said...

Sounds like the Luncheon was a success.
I want a goodie bag.

anne said...

Loved your list. Hilarious. I would love a goodie bag. Thanks.

Kathy said...

Deer in the headlight look! Ack!

Really was it that bad? What am I in for here? Honestly, I thought everything went well. There will always be snaffews, no matter how well organized an event is (weddings come to mind). You handled all with strength and dignity. (I only hope I can muster up that "Do my will NOW" or suffer the consequences look.
:-) But you're right. When Powers That Be agree to do something, they better follow through. Especially if everything has been planned accordingly.

Relish the accolades coming your way. (We're gonna do the wave. We're gonna do the wave. ~~~~~~~~~~~) Excellent job, PC!

(Very apprehensive about next year.)

diane said...

Luncheon sounds memorable. I want a goodie bag.

Pat L. said...

Sounds like everything went well.

I want a goodie bag - you said to beg, I mean ask.

Anyone else here having a problem trying to post? Hope this works.

Smarty Pants said...

But I just had to lick it, just that one time to see if it was true, now I'll stop. It's very pretty, like a huge hunk of rose quartz and will be the showpiece of my new office, I promise!

And I will have to look into the whole ions and creativity thing to make full use of it!

Maureen said...

It sounds like everyone had a great time. Congratulations.

I want a goodie bag.

Lis said...

Sounds like the luncheon went well! There's no way I could talk in front of that many people :)

I want a goodie bag

Instigator said...

I'm showing up late to the party because I've been crunching luncheon numbers this morning :-) It was a roaring success in every possible way!

You did a fantastic job, PC.


Anonymous said...

PC, Saturday was my first time attending the luncheon. I had a great time and thought everything ran smoothly. You did a wonderful job and looked perfectly at ease to me.
#10- Love it!

ellie said...

Sounds like a great luncheon. Congrats. I want a goodie bag.

Angel said...

Things Angel learned at the Luncheon:

1. Walking all day in heels on feet that have already been punished by moving for a whole week is setting yourself up for some serious pain.

2. Seeing all those baskets lined up prettily on the tables filled me with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

3. Coming back to real life and work kinda sucks. :)

tetewa said...

Sounds like it was a great time! "I want a goodie bag"

Carol said...

It sounds like you did a great job and that the luncheon was a success! Congrats! I'm glad everyone had a good time!

I want a goodie bag.

PCCP said...

I had such a great time at the luncheon. As a first-timer, and a new author, I was a bit star-struck.
I learned that PC is eloquent and poised in situations that I find a bit intimidating (but fun:-)
I also learned that PCMom is a hoot to hang with and has never met a stranger.
I learned that the Playfriends work as hard as they play.
IMO, the day was flawless.


Karen T. said...

Sounds like a fun time.

I want a goodie bag too!