Things I learned this weekend at the Luncheon.

1.) I can scare people. When the room wasn’t set correctly when I arrived Saturday morning, several phone calls produced two muscular guys ready to move tables. However, there was a 20 ft screen that also needed to be moved. When I mentioned that, the guys started to tell me that was someone else’s responsibility. Obviously the look on my face was not a happy one, because mid-way through passing the buck, they said “Or maybe we could just move that for you.”

2.) When you ask for a breath mint and someone hands you something that looks like one of those Listerine pocket packs, make sure it’s not actually a Chloroseptic sore throat strip. Especially if you’re expected to speak shortly thereafter.

3.) Jennifer LaBrecque is a hoot to hang out with. Rhonda Nelson (while also a hoot) has bad timing when it comes to trying to be funny with the luncheon coordinator :-) . At least she didn’t seem to hold my snappish remark against me…

4.) Wear an outfit with pockets. (Every year I bemoan my lack of pockets, yet I have yet to show up in an outfit with pockets. Cute capris and little flowey skirts just don’t come with pockets.)

5.) Keep your car keys with you even if you lock the rest of your stuff in someone’s room. That way, when you get locked out of that person’s room, you can still get home.

6.) People will take centerpieces off luncheon tables without even asking. (huff)

7.) To a five-year-old, book signings look a lot like Trick-or-Treating. All the authors have candy and goodies after all. (And when Kelley St. John starts you off with half a bag of Jolly Ranchers—and the bag to fill—you can score enough sugar to be bouncing off the walls in no time.)

8.) True friends don’t mind when stress makes you an evil bitch. Instead, they come up to you with glasses of water and the wonderful soothing words of “What can I do for you now?” (Instigator adds “Hon” to the end of that statement to make you feel even more special.)

9.) Angel will be making all of my author baskets for me when I’m published. (And for everyone who thinks I’m anal about things, go show Angel a basket an author has let tip over in the car and isn’t bothering to straighten back out properly. You could just see her fingers itching…)

10.) You’ll never make everyone happy. Someone is always going to complain about something. That person can kiss your ass.

11.) Twenty authors in a bar can toss back a lot of booze, be very loud, and can embarrass traveling businessmen three tables away.

12.) If you sing Happy Birthday to Smarty Pants in public, she turns interesting shades of red.

13.) Certain people, when presented with a beautiful, unique (and not cheap) salt lamp as a gift, will feel the need to lick it to see if it’s really salty or not.

14.) People often expect you to back down if faced with opposition. “But ma’am, we can’t do that” needs to be met with raised eyebrows and the assurances that oh, yes, they can, because that was what was agreed to by their boss--no matter what it says on the silly piece of paper they’re holding. Continued denials of action need to be met with cold stares and silence until they slink off to do what you asked.

15.) Our Playground Monitor knows everyone and can get them to donate cool stuff. If not, she puts them to work. She is also an excellent Promo Ho.

16.) Authors are the coolest people to hang out with.

17.) 181 people looks like an ocean of humanity when you’re standing behind a microphone all by yourself.

But it went well, I think. The food was good. The company was good (except for a few people—see #10). We sold a lot of books for charity. I’m kinda sad my days of being in charge are over, but I’m already looking forward to next year’s luncheon.

To celebrate a successful event, I’m giving away two goodie bags left over from the luncheon. You get a Susan Kearney tote bag, 2 books, and assorted promo goodies. Just put an “I want a goodie bag” in the comments tail to enter.

PC

Congratulations to Sassy35803, who won yesterday's prize, since her situation reminds Angel of her much-missed Mother. Please send your name and snail mail address to Angel to claim your prize.