Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Tricks just keep getting harder to find...

  • The Darling Geek can whistle; so can the Amazing Child. I cannot. Mae West made it sound so easy, but all I get is an airy wheeze. I’ve always wanted to be able to whistle—specifically, I’d like to be able to put two fingers in my mouth and do those really loud “hail-a-taxi” whistles, but I’d settle for just getting out the Andy Griffith theme. DG and AC find my inability to whistle quite amusing.

I am also unable to lift just one eyebrow. Both eyebrows, yes; just one, no. I think it would be neat to be able to show skepticism or surprise by having one eyebrow crook upward, but, alas, I cannot. The best I can do is furrow my brow, which will lead me to Botox in a few more years.

Lifting one eyebrow is also something DG can do. I’m not sure if AC can, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she could.

Counselor Shelley can turn her eyelids inside out. Gross, but yet another thing I cannot (and will not) do.

So what can I do?

  • I can roll my tongue into a taco shape.
  • I can hyperextend my knees until I look a bit like a flamingo.
  • I can rub my belly and pat my head (but not walk and chew gum. That’s tacky.).
  • I have one double-jointed finger, but I can't do anything interesting with it.
  • I can pop my hips (loudly), and I can make the bones in my ankle grind together to make a very disgusting noise.

So there’s nothing really exciting on that list. Hmmm. I guess since my body just isn’t made to do interesting human tricks, I’ll have to cultivate other talents. I’m sure I’ll find a few if I look hard enough.

So what about you? What can you do (or not do, as the case may be)? Surely you've got something better than what's on my sad little list.

I'm going to run my own "interesting human tricks" contest today. Prizes for coolest, grossest, and most unusual are up for grabs! Just list your "ability" in the comment tail.


~~And if anyone can teach me how to do that wolf-whistle thing, I’d be very appreciative!~~

P.S. The Playground would also like to wish a very happy birthday to Maven Linda Winstead Jones!


Playground Monitor said...

When I had braces I lost the ability to whistle and it didn't come back as strongly as before. I suppose it's the change in the shape of my mouth. I could do that two-fingered, hail-a-cab whistle when I was a kid (and drove my grandma crazy with it the summer she kept me and my sister). But alas, that talent's gone as well.

I don't really have any neat tricks (that I know of, though the DH would declare that I can burp like a sailor).

Uh... does sleeping count? I can sleep really well.


Lis said...

I can do the Elvis sneer perfectly. Roll my tongue front to back and side to side. And apparently impersonate Ace Ventura pretty well. That's the only ones I can think of right now

Maven LJ said...

Ooohhhh. Thanks for the cake! How many points are there in cyber icing? :-)

As for silly human tricks, I can roll my tongue and cross my eyes and I can whistle gently, but I've never been able to pull off the fingers in the mouth ear-splitting whistle. My sister can. She can bring dogs and children in from five miles out with a single whistle. She's tried many times to teach me but I've never been able to get it.

I've always wanted to be able to twitch my nose like Samantha on Bewitched, but sadly, I can only manage a sad little quiver.

My youngest son can make that stomach-turning ankle grinding noise, but that's from too many hockey injuries. It's a noise I aspire not to make. Ever. :-)


Jen said...

Uh...PC, I hate to be a downer, but I used to do that popping hips trick -- until my college roomie whose dad was an orthopaedic surgeon suggested I never do that again unless I wanted a total hip replacement during middle age, so I gave it up. ;-) I really, really wish I could do the cab whistle. My kid can move her ears independantly.(sp?)

Me? I can scowl. I've got that down pat. :)))))

Rhonda said...

I can't do the one eyebrow thing either. Wish I could. I think that would be very useful. :-)

Smarty Pants said...

I must be a freak of human nature then. I cannot do the cab whistle but I can:

- move my eyes independently of one another
- move my eyebrows alternately (I'll only need botox on one side)
- curl, turn over and distort my tongue in various ways such that I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with it
- wiggle my nose and my ears, although that takes a lot of work to get right
- bend my toes and fingers in freakish ways (I'm kinda double jointed, as they say)
- touch any point on my back with my arms
- put my legs behind my head (although its not very ladylike)

I guess that's all of the freak show I'll share today. Gotta leave some for another day.

Angel said...

Okay.... I've never aspired to be a freak side show, and I too have never been able to whistle, much to Drama Queen's disappointment. BUT I can raise one eyebrow at a time. My hips pop of their own volition. And I've developed this weird pop in my back that marks each step on some days.

And I'm only 30-something.... goodness!

Kathy said...

She's a Super Freak, Super Freak, she's Super Freaky, Yaow!!

Hey, PC, I can teach you how to whistle. I whistle using 4, yes, 4 fingers in my mouth and it's ear splitting!!! My fingers are double jointed. Though sometimes they kink out of place when I don't want them to. I can raise one eyebrow at a time and wiggle it up and down. I can move my nostrils and my ears in an alternating rhythm. (My dad and I used to compete with each other.) I can walk like the Creature From the Black Lagoon, however that once sent my brother to the hospital to get stitches cause he was laughing so hard, so its a dangerous move I only perform when safety's assured. My belly used to roll like ocean waves but after 4 kids no one wants to check that out anymore. :-) I can contort my face different ways (a sad way to entertain oneself but when the Army moved us around so much and we had no friends or all the perks kids nowadays have, what were we to do?) I can laugh like a horse (or at least, my version of a horse laugh), on purpose. Yes, imagine that.

Oh, tricks and freak shows... alas I know them well.

Shot out to Maven LJ! Happy Birthday, yo!


Kathy said...

Ahummm. That was supposed to Shout out to Maven LJ! But a 21 gun salute works just as well. :-)

(red in the face)

Instigator said...

Happy Birthday, LJ!

I can't whistle either. I do snap very weirdly though (I use my index finger and thumb).

One of my thumbs is double jointed. And I too have various pops and crackles throughout feet and ankles but I think that has more to do with getting older than actual ability :-)


Pat said...

Happy Birthday.

I dont have much but I do have a look that could kill if you get on my bad side. LOL. Does that count?

Maureen said...

I have large eyes and can make them look like they're bugging out of my head. When my kids were little it would scare them if I did it. Now that they're teenagers they just think I'm weird.

robynl said...

I could never whistle well either; my lips are too thin.

I can sit cross-legged on the floor or couch(right foot under left leg and left foot under right leg)for a very long time and people have always said look how funny she's sitting. To me it is nothing unusal.

I sometimes stand at the counter on my left foot and put my right foot behind my left leg and rest it at knee level.

I sit and twist my feet this way and then that way and listen to the ankles crack.

I can drop my top teeth; amazing, you say; well, they are dentures but thought I'd use some humor since I can't do too much else.

I can burp with the best, just ask hubby.

Happy birthday Linda.

principessa said...

Blow through a blade of grass which makes a shrill whistle sound. Cannot do that wonderful cab whistle.

Carol said...

Happy Birthday, Linda!

Pat, I can give those kinds of looks, too. I hope that does count because I can't do anything else! lol

kim said...

happy birtday
roll my touge lol

Anonymous said...

I can't roll my tongue or raise one eyebrow, or give out an ear-splitting whistle using two fingers. BUT, when I was a kid, my tear ducts stayed stopped up most of the time. When they were stopped up, I could hold my nose and blow and a stream of air would come out through my tear duct and make a strange whistling sound. I use to annoy my sister by insisting I could breathe through my eye:-)

I also dated a young man who could snap his toes as well as I could snap my fingers!

Pam H (PCCP)