Friday, March 02, 2007

For those who enjoy language or a distortion thereof...

I received this list of phrases in an email forward from my supervisor. As a writer by day as well as by night, he thought I could appreciate it. There's no point to the list really, other than I thought it was punny. And I had nothing else to blog about. :) Too late to talk about the Oscars or my motocross adventure. Tired of talking about struggling through my book or my diet. Anyway, hope you enjoy it too.

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : the LAN down under.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Can you come up with a few of your own?
SP

Uh...book challenge stalled this week with my being out in an engineering class for two days, then frantically painting my house.

13 comments:

Angel said...

Cool! I needed a good laugh this morning. Really cute.

Kathy said...

Interesting!

Enjoy painting!

Kathy

Playground Monitor said...

Those are good! I'll have to send the link to my mother because she loves a good pun.

My favorite is "Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia? He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."

And another is a poem.

Schubert had a horse named Sarah
He took her to a parade
And all the while the band was playing
Schubert's Sarah neighed.

PM

Problem Child said...

Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Playground Monitor said...

Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

PM

Playground Monitor said...

Oh... and in a totally unrelated but still funny matter.

If windows were put out by rednecks...

Their #1 product would be "Mikersoft Winders."

Instead of an hourglass icon, you'd get an empty beer bottle.

Occasionally, you would bring up a winder that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.

Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right!," "Naw", or "Git-r-Done."

Instead of "Ta-da!" the opening sound would be dueling banjos.

The "Recycle Bin" in Winders 95 would be an outhouse.

Instead of "Start Me Up," the Winders 95 theme song would be "Achy-Breaky Heart."

Power Point would be called "ParPawnt."

Instead of "VP," Mikersoft big shots would be called "Cuz."

Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.

Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver.

"Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire."

Flight Simulator would be replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator.

Mikersoft CEO: Billy-Bob (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.

Internet addresses would begin with "dubya, dubya, dubya."

When your software goes down, you would no longer receive the message
"A fatal exception has occurred," but rather "You gone and done it now!

Instigator said...

These were funny! I really needed a laugh this morning after having to squeeze in an emergency stop at Wal-Mart before dropping Sweet Pea off at school. Our vegetable bunny's ears shriveled overnight and her eyes cracked and fell off. I performed surgery in the WM parking lot with toothpicks, lima beans and dried corn husks. Only me right?

Instigator

Problem Child said...

umm, don't all URLs already start with "dubya, dubya, dubya?" :-)

~~An on-going argument between the Brit (DG) and the Southerner (me)~~

robynl said...

those sayings are really funny; thanks for the laughs.

catslady said...

Those were great and I hardly heard any of them before.

Sabe said...

Some may find puns cheesy, but they always give me a gouda laugh!

Sabe

Pat said...

I enjoy stuff like this but my brain cannot come up with any. Sorry.

Joyce said...

I just heard a good pun on NPR.

Today is the only day of the year that is a command, March 4th.