Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Things that should go without saying...
You know, when I’ve been head down in a book all day and finally come up for air, I do like to find out what’s going on in the world. The country, the world, and the planet are all rapidly changing places, and it’s hard to stay on top of things. So imagine my horror (and disgust) at the fact that every time I turn on the news these days, I have to hear about some man’s penis.
Like the constant Viagra commercials and enhancement spam didn’t clutter up enough of my time with their desire to help me with genitalia I don’t have. Now even the news is full of penis discussions and pixilated pictures I really didn’t want to see.
Now, the broader discussions about sexting, fidelity, honesty, etc, are beyond the scope of this blog. My question is simple – why do men feel the need to take pictures of their junk and post it?
Why? For the love of dog, WHY?
I understand that men are visual creatures. This is why bikini-clad women sell everything from cars to beer. Boobs get men’s attention. Fine. What I don’t understand is why they think woman work the same way.
I don’t know a woman alive who hasn’t been approached with some form of “you have nice breasts” as a pickup line. Even flat-chested me has had conversations where the man’s eyes never got higher than my collarbones. But I challenge anyone to find a man who has been approached by a random woman with “gee, I noticed your penis from across the room and had to come meet you in the hopes you’ll let me touch it tonight.”
Ask women what they find physically attractive, and you’ll hear all about chests, shoulders, backs, eyes, a nice smile. A nice butt will usually make the list, but it’s not always a naked butt. It’s not that we’re not visually stimulated. We are. We can be just as shallow as men and objectify with the best of them. However, I’ve never met a woman who swoons with delight over the sight of a penis and MUST MUST MUST meet the man attached to it.
It’s not that I’m not interested in a penis, it’s just that the penis is not the first – or even the 47th – thing I notice about a man. (And if it is the first thing I notice, there’s something really wrong. Like that the man is showing it to me for no good reason.)
But, yet, penis pictures abound. I checked out Craig’s List looking for a bookshelf and found (guess!) penis pictures. I can only assume that the man in question was talked into buying that bookshelf by a salesperson with nice breasts, and figured he’d sell that the same way. (I have to believe that or else just weep for mankind.) ChatRoulette seemed like a fun idea in theory, but it took about 30 seconds for it to become just one penis picture after another.
I understand there are twisted folks who get their thrills showing their genitals to unsuspecting (and unwilling) viewers. Counselor Shelley can tell you all about them and their problems. They need help. It’s the other men – the ones who honestly think that their penis is their best feature and the opener to all potentially romantic encounters – that worry me.
Poor men. They have their definition of masculinity, virility and attractiveness all centered on one piece of unruly* anatomy. If that’s their trophy, fine. I understand the desire to show off a trophy. I also understand that not everyone wants to see my trophy. It’s not really interesting to anyone other than me and a few close friends. Maybe 1% of the people I show a trophy to are jealous or impressed. The other 99% don’t care and really wish I’d put it away.
So guys, if you’re reading this… please quit posting pictures of your penis. I’m not saying it’s never appropriate to show your penis, but like so many things, there’s a time and a place, and I assure you, you’ll know when that time and place is appropriate. You will hear words to the effect of “please show me your penis.” And please, anyone who requests a picture of your penis should be questioned to their motives. Because you never know where it might end up.
Like the five o’clock news. Where I – and a million other people who tuned in to hear about the Middle East and unemployment numbers and are now disappointed – have to see it. And I could’ve done without that.
*(Other than their ability to urinate anywhere, I’ve never envied a man his penis. After all, any inappropriate tingle I might get when faced with a good-looking guy can be easily attributed to either an overheated room or a chilly breeze. Guys have no such luck.)