Saturday, November 25, 2006

Holiday Wishes (snort)

As we all recover from the turkey excess and extreme shopping, let's play an easy game this weekend. (It's a game I think I first saw over on Kris Starr's blog, but I can't be sure...)

We'll call it "Be Careful What You Wish For"

Here's how you play. I make a wish like, "I wish I had a million dollars."

Your job is to grant my wish in such a way that will make me miserable: "Wish granted, but it's all in pennies." You then make your wish ("I wish for a massage"), which will be granted and corrupted by the next commenter in the tail ("Wish granted, but your massuse is a hobbit who massages with his feet."), who will then make her own wish, etc, etc.

Get it?

The winner of this game will be chosen based on the creative way s/he totally screws up someone's wish. (Decsions will be made by me, based on how hard I laugh at your wish-corrupting ability. You know how warped I can be, so corrupt accordingly. Mwahahahaha.)

Let's get started:

I wish I could lose 10 pounds before the holidays.


Go ahead, make me regret I said that...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(jeannette j--you're SP's winner from yesterday. Email her to arrange for your prize.)

49 comments:

Playground Monitor said...

Wish granted, but you have to lose it via a really nasty stomach bug with vomiting AND diarrhea and a headache and fever too, BUT your indoor plumbing is all out of order.

I wish for a facial.

PM

Maureen said...

You get your facial but unfortunately you are allergic to the mango scent in it so you break out in hives all over your face just before the large holiday party you have to attend.

I wish for a bigger kitchen.

Instigator said...

Wish granted, but the contractor busts a water main which floods your entire house, accidently knocks down half of your outside wall and then disappears for 2 weeks without fixing it finally finishing the week after Valentine's day instead of the week before Christmas.

I wish for more time with my family.

Instigator

Tam said...

You get you bigger kitchen, unfortunately just before the holiday party you have at your house, you loose all power. You are going mad pulling out your hair trying to keep the food from going bad. You can't get anything cooked. Chips & dip are about gone. Kids are getting restless. You have a house full of guest. To top it off your bathroom toilet over flows. Its the only one in the house and it seems like everyone needs to use it. Sorry out of order. Have to call the repair man... come to find out one of the kids flushed a small toy down it. ~~~HAPPY HOLIDAYS~~~

My wish is to have an easy move.

Smarty Pants said...

Instigator, your wish is granted. Unfortunately, you spend more time with them as you all come down with a nasty case of strep throat. Your time is spent on the couch groaning, no one can talk and you eat nothing but soup for a week.

Tam, you get your easy move, but find the new house you've moved into is a money pit. The previous owners painted over any flaws and you end up having to put thousands of dollars into home repairs just so you can sell it and get your money back out of it.

I wish I had a larger house.

SP

Linda Winstead Jones said...

SP, you get your bigger house, but soon after your long lost Uncle Eddie and his 7 children move in. You HAVE the room, after all. They're slobs, and you spend all your time cleaning the big house.

I wish Johnny Depp would show up at my door with a kiddie pool and a bunch of strawberry jello.

LJ

Meljprincess said...

Wish granted, Linda. But when Johnny shows up he has two broken arms and asks you to fill the kiddie pool and feed him jello while he lounges around in it.

Meljprincess said...

OOPS..
I wish for a necklace from Tiffany & Co.

ellie said...

you get your necklace from Tiffany and Co. but when you get home you realize that it is really a choker that is leaving green deposits all over your neck because you were totally duped into thinking that it was the real thing. I would loe to spend a week at an exclusive spa/resort.

Kathy said...

Ellie, you have your wish. You travel to the spa resort, check in, and are enjoying a mud treatment but the fire alarm goes off and you are forced to try to move your solid form in order to catch up with everyone running out of the building. Once you make it outside, you find yourself face to face with Johnny Depp, it starts to rain and you find yourself standing naked in front of him.

I wish for peace in the world.

Kathy

Smarty Pants said...

Kathy, how is anyone in good conscience going to mess with world peace??

Minna said...

Wish granted, but then the aliens arrive and since we have gotten rid of our guns we can no longer defend ourselves and they turn all people into chimps with their ray-guns.

I wish for a trip around the world.

Problem Child said...

Wish granted, Minna, but you have to take the trip with two small crying children, in coach class, and every connection is delayed.

I wish for someone else to wrap all the Christmas presents.

Smarty Pants said...

Wish granted, PC, but since you didn't do any of the wrapping, all the tags were wrong and the gifts were given to the wrong people. Your vegetarian cousin got a cheese and sausage gift set, your double amputee grandpa got socks and your diabetic aunt got a box of chocolates.

I wish for a 60 inch SDRX 1080 Sony TV and a HD receiver.

SP

alissa said...

You get the monster tv and hook up but the technician who did the installing accidently cut the major cable and cannot get back for two days due to work overload so you are stuck gazing at a black tv screen.

alissa said...

I wish for a month of meals out.

Instigator said...

Wish granted, but you can only eat out at the same restaurant every single day, and their cook only knows how to fix one dish. You get to eat chicken fingers and french fries for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 30 days.

I wish for an african safari

Instigator

Tam said...

Wish granted, will on your african safari you encounter the Lost tribe & are helled captive.

I wish to see my daughter at christmas.

Billie L said...

Wish granted, and luckily you also get to see your 8 grandkids. Unfortunately, is you have already packed for your big move and have left nothing for the grandkids to do. Just imagine 8 children searching for something to do when they decide that maybe these boxes are for them. Now all the packing that took you a month to do has all been undone in less than a day. Just when you thought that it couldn't get any worse you realize that they have 2 weeks off of school and this is only the third day. Boy are you in for it.

I wish for my children to be the happiest and most well behaved children for the rest of the holidays.

joelle said...

Your children will be very well behaved because they both get ill with the flu and have to lie in bed all day long. Fortunately it only lasts for 3 days but that is still long enough to try your patience and strength. I would love to have the opportunity to see Celine in L.V.

Dannyfiredragon said...

Wish granted,

but the show will be pure chaos. Celine's singing sounds like a frog with a sore throat. The dancers forget the choreography, so that they will ran into each other and there is an electricity blackout. At the end you are just happy when the show is over.

I would love to visit Scotland again.

Anonymous said...

You can get your wish and hope for the best. Enroute you contract an unusual virus which lands you in the hospital upon arrival. Thee you spend most of the trip hooked up to strong meds which would enable you to travel home relatively comfortably.

I would like to have maid service for a year.

Playground Monitor said...

You get a year's maid service from a woman who mistakes spray starch for furniture polish, uses Clorox to launder your bright red bath towels, cleans the hardwood floor with steel wool and puts regular liquid dish detergent into the dishwasher. And she does this (and more!) 3 times a week for 52 weeks. :-)

I wish for a new wardrobe.

PM

Problem Child said...

Wish granted, PM, but your new wardrobe is circa 1975--psychedelic colors and all :-) It's also 2 sizes too big.

I wish for a new car.

robynl said...

playground monitor, your wish is granted. You have won a contest whereby giving you a complete wardrobe makeover. The sponsor of the contest makes the choice of the color and style of your new wardrobe. Unfortunately for you, they have decided that lime green, burnt orange and magenta are the 'in' fashion colors. You feel like a poster board walking around in these neon colors and, to make matters worse, the style is the 'tent' style of dress that used to be a fashion and each dress is yards of material (real bright material). Some days you feel like a tent, LOL. The latest shoes are the ones with wrap around straps that go halfway up your calf and you feel like a brightly colored parcel with ties.
One of the conditions of the win was that you had to change your hair color to suit the newest fashion colors and you go 'blonde' while being a natural brunette. The vivid colors of your wardrobe now reflect quite nicely in your new blonde hair color. The latest fashion accessory is bows in your hair to match the outfit and this makes you look like a odd colored Christmas tree with bows.

robynl said...

Forgot my wish.
I wish for a new job that pays better.

Rachael said...

Robyn: You get a better paying job, but you loose your house in a tragic fire the same day you get the job. You have no clothes to wear to work and nowhere to live. You sleep in your car and go to the better paying job, which has the nastiest employees and meanest boss ever. The place is infested by roaches and rats. The men and women share a bathroom and it reeks of pee.

I wish for a million dollar shopping spree in the bookstore.

Tam said...

You get your wish, It just happeneds to be a book store for men. All nude women books. A million dollar to spend all for him in books.

I wish I could cook really good.

readingissomuchfun said...

Tam your wish is granted but the for the whole month as you learn to cook you will burn everything. You will burn your apartment and everything you own. You will need to get all new things. Once you get that you will decide to go to cooking school so you can learn to cook and not burn things *G*

I wish for a dream vacation to a getaway on an Iland.


Hugssss
Linda.H.

Rachael said...

Readingissomuchfun you get your trip to an island, the TV show Temptation Island, where you watch your boyfriend cheat on you with other people. Then you cheat on him and get a horrible case of crabs. The producers lock you up in a room with a huge TV and only tapes of your boyfriend cheating on you. You watch it over and over again. You go to take the tape out and you break a mirror. You get 7 years bad luck for breaking that mirror. The next 7 years of your life are full of bad luck there after. You leave the island with a million STD's from all the men you were tempted by on Temptation Island!

I wish to win the lottery.

readingissomuchfun said...

WoW Rachael that was very good and funny loved it.

Rachael you win the lottery. You win $1 million dollars in the lottery. But the installments are $1 a year. If you live for a million years, you will collect the full million dollars! Congrats!

I wish to meet Johnny Depp. He is so cute.

Hugssss
Linda.H.

Smarty Pants said...

Linda, you do get to meet Johnny Depp, but that's because you're a guest at our wedding. You have to watch him marry me instead and he's so busy greeting all the guests, that you only get a handshake as you go through the reception line.

(This is like 2 wishes for me...)

I wish I had a new car.
SP

Kathy said...

Linda H., wish granted. But as usual Johnny is in character for his next movie. Saddened that Johnny doesn't have time to talk to you, you follow him... mesmerized. As you near ever closer to the reason for his aloofness, you spy him entering a room that says 'private'. Quietly opening the door, desperate to have but a moment of his time, you peek into the room only to draw back in surprise when you find a large vat of strawberry jello and Johnny jello wrestling with Smarty Pants and Maven Linda. As body guards pull you away screaming how unfair the whole situation is, you can't help but catch Johnny's wicked grin. 'Sorry love. This is Smarty Pants and Maven Linda's dream.'

I wish I had more hours in the day.

Kathy
(moving away from world peace)

Playground Monitor said...

Smarty Pants and Problem Child -- You both get a new car: brand new matching mustard-yellow Yugos that have been in storage since 1985 waiting for just the perfect owners. Happy driving!

I wish I could get my office decorated.

Kathy said...

Smarty Pants, you beat me to Linda H.

Okay, you get your car but it turns out that it was used in a drug ring. There are illegal drugs hidden in the upholstry and drug lords very anxious to get them back. Will you survive? Will you ever live to wrestly Johnny Depp in jello? Tune in next week, same Playground time, same Playground channel.

Kathy
(Still wanting more hours in the day.)

Anonymous said...

Wish granted, Ms. Monitor. The team from Trading Places will be at your office on Monday week and the Hildy-beast will be the decorator in charge. You and Mr. Monitor will be re-decorating a flooded bungalow in New Orleans. Got hip-waders?

I wish all these women would stop trying to feed me strawberry jello when I much prefer chocolate pudding.

J. Sparrow

Tam said...

Captain Jack wish granted. All the chocolate pudding you can eat. Only one problem it has small lumps in it, baby cock roaches. The kitchen it was made in, must have had them. You ate half the chocolate pudding before you relized what the lumps were.

I wish for a happy healthy life.

Tam said...

I want to make that wish for a very long and happy healthy life.

Problem Child said...

Wish granted, Tam, but you must spend that long happy life surrounded by people you can't stand, people who are rude, pick their noses in public, and chew with their mouths open.

I wish for landscaping services for the yard.

krissyinva said...

Wish granted, while using the bulldozer to level your lawn the landscaper breaks you septic tank causing umm "instant fertilization" to your entire yard. It rains for two weeks straight not only your backyard is fertilized now, your entire first floor is flooded. When cleanup finally begins you find nothing salvagable.

I wish for a couple of hours of quiet time.

Meljprincess said...

Wish granted, P.C., but the landscaper trims and shapes all your trees and bushes into male and female sex organs and you're having a huge party with family and friends in 10 minutes.

I've had the best laugh today reading all these! Thank you.

I wish I played guitar and was in a band.

Playground Monitor said...

Wish granted and you play guitar in a band. But the band has been booked into every two-bit honky tonk in existence where you must endure hours every day on a bus getting from gig to gig, eating bad food three times a day in smoky diners, sleeping in roach-infested motels and putting up with ugly drunks booing your music, pinching you on your arse, and asking you out for dates.

I wish I could travel to Fiji.

Debby said...

Granted but you must travel by swimming and don't forget to watch out for those jelly fish.

I wish I to have better students this year.

Problem Child said...

krissyinva, you get your quiet time, but you must spend it in a dark room with a teenage boy who thinks it's time to play "seven minutes in heaven."

Debby, you get your wish, but the new crop of students writes lots of essays, increasing your grading load.

I wish for a pair of killer Molono B. shoes (and don't try to corrupt this wish by making them uncomfortable--you know I don't care about that.)

readingissomuchfun said...

Wish granted problem child. One thing though everytime you walk in them you will fall. You will fall in front of a large crowd and everyone there will laugh at you each time you fall in those shoes you want.

I wish I could sing :-)


Hugssss
Linda.H.

Smarty Pants said...

Linda H, your wish is granted. You can sing with the most beautiful voice on earth. Unfortuntately, the only song you can sing is the Oscar Meyer theme song.

I wish I were a size 10.

SP

Playground Monitor said...

Poof! You're a size 10, SP. But the clothing manufacturers and retailers are in cahoots with one another. They've detroyed all existing size 10 clothing and the only new clothes are made of 100% 1970's grade polyester in lime green only. :grin:

I wish I could write a novel-length story. (Oh Lordy, I hate to think how someone is gonna screw this up.)

PM

Dannyfiredragon said...

PM, your wish is granted, but the theme of the story is soooooo boring that the people buy it too save the money for sleeping pills. The good thing is that it has no side effects.

I wish I would have a Harley-Davidson

Problem Child said...

Wish granted, but it's one of those toy ones--and it doesn't work.

And with that, I'll close this thread for judging purposes.