Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Life's Been Tough


Dear Blog Friends,

Sorry to say this, but this will be my last blog. Things have been tougher than usual lately and life is getting shorter and shorter every day. I want to take time and smell the roses. So I am going to quit writing and blogging, and instead I'm going to travel full time with a biker gang to see the country and enjoy life while I still can. Don't worry about me - they all seem like really nice people. It has been nice knowing all of you. But it's time to say good bye. A photo of my biker gang is below. Don't be sad, just smile.

Love Ya,









P.S. And remember my motto: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, a glass of go Cabernet in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!

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P.P.S. Gotcha! Or maybe not. Maybe y'all know me well enough that this is the absolute LAST thing you'd expect me to do. But don't those guys look like fun? ;-)

Anyway, tell me your favorite email joke and one lucky jokester will win a book from my stash.

12 comments:

PM's Mother said...

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 10 SECONDS OR SO HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.

HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE..

BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."

MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

Sheilah said...

Miss Texas: “Where are you from?”
Miss New York: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Miss Texas: “Okay – where are you from, bitch?”

Glad your not running away even though that bike gang is hot!

Problem Child said...

Mercy, it's too early for me to be funny...

~insert joke here~

Instigator said...

I think I used up my weekly alotment of funny with my post on the Blaze Author blog yesterday. I do love reading the jokes though!!

And I knew you weren't running away...we wouldn't let you. :-)

Instigator

robynl said...

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane

arrived there was alimousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to

get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'

The driver said,

'No problem. Have at it.'

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off
down the highway.
A short distance away
sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out
and easily caught the limo
and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door
and when the glass
was rolled down,
he was surprised to see
who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car
and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor,
'I know we are supposed
to enforce the law....
But I also know that
important people are
given certain courtesies.
I need to know what
I should do because
I have stopped a
very important person.'

The supervisor asked,
'Is it the governor?'

The young trooper said,
'No, he's more important
than that.'

The supervisor said,
'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said,
'No, he's even more
important than that.'

The supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?' The young trooper said,
'I think it's Jesus,
because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'

Jane said...

This joke is one we heard in school often.
What's long and hard and full of seaman?
A submarine.

Angel said...

I should have commented sooner, but I couldn't get past the main page. Those boys sure are pretty! :)

My favorite email thing is the one I used for MoanDay once, with the pictures of the gorgeous guy and it keeps saying Guess who?? and you are supposed to think it is someone famous. Finally the last pictures says, "Who cares?" As long as he's pretty, nobody cares who it is! Just an excuse to look. :)

Angel

traveler said...

A man owned a small farm in Arkansas. The Arkansas wage and hours department sent an agent out to interview him.
I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them, the agent asked.
Well there's my farmr\ hand who has been with me for 3 years. He is paid $400 a week and has free room and board. The cook has been here 18 months and she is paid $300 a month plus free room and board.

There's the half wit. He works at least 18 hours everyday, does 90% of the work, makes $10 a week, pays his own room and board and sleeps with my wife occasionally.

That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit.
That would be me, said the farmer.

Kathy said...

Made this one up meself...

Why did the knife cross the road?

To cut the cheese.

Jeanette P said...

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.
The downtown luxury house was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.


On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace
the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

I love a happy ending, don't you? LOL!

Angel said...

Oh, Jeannette!!! That one's awesome.

Angel

Denise said...

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.
___________________________________

Although I must say, if any of those biker men in the picture showed up on my doorstep naked, I'd be thoroughly impressed....=)