Thursday, April 29, 2010

Free Book

My week has been...crazy. Yeah, that's probably the best word to describe it. Tuesday morning on the way to work my car just suddenly stopped the middle of the road. Luckily I was still in town and not on the interstate when it happened. Two hours later it was finally towed to the service dept. at the dealership that just reopened here in town two weeks ago.

The good news was they knew exactly what was wrong with it even before they'd hooked it up to the computer. The bad news was that they didn't have the part because they aren't fully stocked yet. Two days later and my car is still sitting in their parking lot waiting for the part to arrive from Atlanta.

Baby Girl woke up yesterday with that I thought was another round of strep. It's a little difficult to get to the doctor and the pharmacy without a car. After much shuffling (and chauffeur service from my wonderful mother!) we had medicine and are waiting on the 72 hour strep test.

After days of wind and rain my roof is finally being fixed. Great! Except that meant I was home with a sick child as they banged repeatedly over my head. They're doing a great job and are moving very was just bad timing.

So, I've really had one of those weeks from hell when nothing seems to be going right.

To spread some good cheer - and hopefully start today out on a better foot - I'm going to give away a copy of each of my books, Afterburn and Whispers in the Dark, the prequel to my upcoming Jan release. Whine about your week. Tell me about your nightmare car experience. Post a joke to make me laugh. Just post anything. Seriously.



Caroline said...

Hope your week gets better! Here's a joke to cheer you up ----

A Man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.

"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"

"Simple", replied the Priest...

"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"

Caroline xxx

Playground Monitor said...

Here's your joke for the day.

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Twenty-two miles per hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask. Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single word this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Liza said...

Hope you week gets better! Can't really think of any jokes right now.

Virginia said...

It hasn't been that bad of a week, I have to mow the lawn today and we have puddles in the back yard where it has rain all week. I will have to push mow it all I think because its so wet.

I am having a lot of cell phone problem, will not stay charge, sent one back to company a few weeks ago and the one they sent back is worse then the first one I had, it shuts down in 24 hours, getting really anoyed with this.

PM's Mother said...

Just be thankful you were not driving one of those cars that accelerated for no known reason! Here's my offering to amuse you...

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant..'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.' She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going,
'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!'. Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.) 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of Toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

catslady said...

All those cute jokes and I was going to whine lol - oh what the heck. My husband yelled at me for no reason at all, my one daughter was mad at me because after asking my advice on something I actually gave it to her and I was upset with my other daughter for changing her traveling plans 3 times without telling me and having me worry to death for two days and my mother came for a visit and blamed me for something I swear wasn't my fault (sigh) - ahhhhhh but my 6 cats loved me that day - lol.

runner10 said...

Hope your week gets better. You've almost made it to the weekend.

Denise said...

I feel your pain!! I've spent this week cramming for and taking finals exams...I'm in law school, so the exams are especially miserable. They're 3-4 hour long beasts, and I've definitely not done well on the ones I've taken...=(

Hopefully things will get better for us both!!

Joseph Parker said...

Whine about your week.
I've posted many resumes and I am overqualified and they dont think that they can meet my wage requirement:-/

Tell me about your nightmare car experience.
this one dates me for sure: I was driving a Pinto from Pulaski to Athens, lost control and ended up in a ravine. Loved the adrenaline rush but not the aftermath.

Post a joke to make me laugh.
Sin Of Lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many
had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.

The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Just post anything.


Professor Stacy said...

Hope it gets better! It's the final week of classes, and I am reading so many student essays that my eyes are crossing. I would love to read one of your books for fun instead! Thanks for letting us know about the giveaway on Facebook.

A couple are driving home from a party. The woman turns to her husband and ask, "Has anyone ever told you that you were sexy and irrestible?" He says, "Not yet." She answers, "then what on earth gave you that idea at the party tonight?"

Kathy said...

Headaches... still. ~sigh~

Kathy said...

My bad. I meant to add that I'm sorry about your car, your roof, and your little one being sick, Instigator. ;)

Jane said...

I'm going to whine a little. I was almost late for work because the train was late and then I couldn't get on the one that eventually pulled in because it was so crowded.