Tuesday, June 02, 2009

10 of the Stupidest Things I've Done

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Please welcome back to the Playground guest author Christie Craig, a talented author, motivational speaker, and all-around funny lady.


We’ve all done them. Stupid things that we look back upon and think: Was I bat-shit crazy or what? I know, I know, most of us prefer to keep those moments/mistakes to ourselves. But hey, sharing our dim-witted moments with one another may help someone avoid falling into the same trap. Plus, they are really funny, so I’ll go first. However, remember, you need to share yours with me, too. I don’t want to be the only fool here today.

If you’re having a hard time coming up with something, just ask yourself what you did that you will never, ever let your child do. That pretty much will bring up a few memories. Oh, and one lucky person who posts a comment will receive a signed copy of Gotcha! as well as some neat promo items. So with no other delay, here are the top ten stupid things I’ve done, things I’ve lived through, and luckily, learned from.


1) Hang up on Tom Selleck because I needed to go pick up my son from school.

I was interviewing Mr. Selleck for a magazine article and we got to talking about everything from the NRA to his horses and when I realized I’d been talking to him for almost an hour and was late for picking my son, I told him I had to go. (Tom, give me one more shot, the kid was cute then, now he just eats a lot and leaves his dirty socks everywhere!) :)

2) Get on a Sky Lift during a windstorm in China.

Hey, I asked if it wasn’t too windy, and my translator told me the sky lift operators said it was up to me. I got on and then the translator told me the operators also said they wanted to see how smart Americans really were. And when the little tiny gondola was blowing to and fro, and I needed a clean pair of pants, I didn’t feel really smart. But in my defense, in America if there’s any danger, don’t they shut the dang things down and in China they obviously leave it up to the idiots.

3) Go to second base with an elephant.

I’m afraid you pretty much have to read this one to believe it: Elephant Blog

4) Take Your Step-Grandmother to Chippendale’s.

Seriously, I should have known better. I couldn’t get her to stop stuffing the dollar bills into the men’s underwear. And when she went through all of hers, she started going through my purse. And my mother just thought it was funny.

5) Tell a New York Taxi driver to hurry.

It made the gondola ride in China seem tame.

6) Crawl into the cage with three red pandas.

In my defense, the zoo keeper said I could do it. And I got some really good photographs (before they decided to charge me) never mind that I needed to change my shorts when I got out.

7) Allow my husband to go through the drive-through window at Burger King on the way to the hospital to have our son.

You’d know the minute he rolls to the window would be when my water broke, or I should say burst. Then I screamed out like an animal, and ended up with about twelve pimple-faced teens, their faces pressed against the glass window as if I was a show and tell, while my husband special ordered his Whopper.

8) Argue with a French waiter in Paris about the meaning of well done.

What can I say, I’d had two glasses of wine, was starving, and that piece of meat was so rare it not only mooed, it passed gas when I stuck my knife in it.

9) Call a cop a “friggin’ pig” and then break his windshield with a beer bottle.

Yeah, this is another one you might have to read to believe (but I swear it happened) and if you go to the link below for the complete explanation. There is even the bonus lesson of how I got caught by the police with a freezer bag of weed and didn’t get arrested.

Christie’s brush with the law.

10) Get caught by a lot of cops when you’re in a closed Pizza Hut on your knees, during a bad hair day, with thousands of dollars of cash strewn around you.

Yup, it was the beginning of a really bad day. You can read all about it at Dorchester’s website in the special feature section. Dorchester It’s funny and it will give you a clue to why I write humorous romantic suspense and maybe even a little insight into where the whole idea of Gotcha! came into being. Plus, you’ll see the contest where someone will win a whole basket of books and goodies.


Okay, so there you have it. Ten stupid things I’ve done. What about you? Come on, like that Country Western song says, “We all have some junk in the trunk, and it’ll all be fine, if I laugh at yours and you laugh at mine.” Plus, one lucky commenter will win a copy of Gotcha!. Which I’m proud to say, earned me my first Publisher’s Weekly Review, a Booklist Review and a Top Pick 4 ½ stars from Romantic Times. Also, today I’m blogging over at Killer Fiction and giving away a copy of Gotcha! over there. Plus, today I’m guest blogging at Wicked Authors and giving away a copy of Gotcha! there as well. So pop over, take a moment to laugh a little, and maybe you’ll win a copy of GOTCHA!.

37 comments:

LadyVampire2u said...

Love that list! OMG, what a fun read to wake up to. After reading these posts of yours today on the blogs I definitely need to get a hold of your book!!
Okay, a stupid thing I've done.. Well there was the other year when I went on a trip with my aunts and they talked me into going up into the St Luis arch. Me, I don't like heights and hate any unsteady ground. So of course I got talked into going 630 feet up into the Arch on windy day when the stupid thing was moving and swaying all over. Needless to say I started to panic in the small elevator when it started rocking but that was nothing compared to being on the deck itself, full of windows so that I, who hates heights, could look at how high up I was. Oh yeah, I made a scene. Even cried a bit. There was Nun up there when it happened and she came over to comfort me as best she could as security hastened to get me a lift back down. But my aunts told them I was fine and made me stay another 5 minutes. When I finally managed to get back down to the ground floor I was being held up by security on one side and my aunts and the Nun on the other side. Talk about humiliating. LOL

Christie Craig said...

Ahh, LadyVampire2u,

I can so relate!!! I gave up riding roller coasters because I didn't have anything else I could promise God I would give up if he got me down in one piece.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Playground Monitor said...

This isn't something I've done, but until I was about 22-23 years old, I thought they shot turkeys at a turkey shoot. I mean, it's called a turkey shoot. But then I saw a sign advertising a ham shoot and I did wonder if they lined up those Hormel cans on a fence and told the guys, "Ready? Aim. Fire!"

These make your mattress story pale in comparison. Thanks for joining us today. :-)

Christie Craig said...

Playground Monitor,

They don't shoot the turkey's at a turkey shoot?

Thanks so much.

CC

Andrea Laurence said...

Welcome Christie. Thanks for sharing. :)

What's a turkey shoot?

Stupidest thing I've ever done... oh boy. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Christie Craig said...

Andrea,

You are welcome. Thanks for having me today. As of the turkey shoot, I was assuming you shot a turkey.

Thanks for stopping by.

CC

Sandy said...

Oh, Christie, you are hilarious. No way, can I top those, but I do have one that might come close.

My mother and I laughed about this one for years. We were on a train from Germany to Switzerland, when we came to a stop. When we started up again, I was positive we missed where we should've gotten off because I hadn't heard the name of the town. I actually dragged my mother down the aisle to the exit before I realized the train was going too fast to get off. My mother swore I was going to throw her off that train. She milked that story a long time. lol

Christie Craig said...

Sandy,

Too funny. I can so see my mom milking that story!!

Thanks so much for sharing.

CC

Playground Monitor said...

No, they don't shoot turkeys at a turkey shoot. It's like target practice and whoever has the best score wins a turkey. Or at least I think that's what it is.

Okay, Googled it and yep, it's target shooting. But back in the days of James Fenimore Cooper, they used live turkeys tied down in a pen and if the turkey died when you shot it, you got it as your prize.

So... had I lived in the day of James Fenimore Cooper...

Christie Craig said...

Playground Monitor,

I'm just glad I'm not a turkey.

Thanks for sharing.

CC

RK said...

Well, I am sitting at work wearing a very nice rust red top, black pants, the perfect jewelry, and one perfect matching red shoe and another hot-pink one.

Yup, didn't realize my fashion trend until I reached the office. Now I'm waiting for my husband to show up hopefully with the other red show and have my cinderella moment...

Christie Craig said...

RK,

I love, love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is so like something I would do.

Thanks for giving me a peek at your trunk. I feel better about my junk.

CC

Marcy said...

Oooh, I love all these stories! Keep 'em comin'!

Here's mine. When my husband and I were newly married, we took a trip to the Florida. I let my husband talk me into taking a kayaking trip in the Everglades (remember, we were newly married--he'd never talk me into that now after 14 years of marriage). On top of it being the most physically exhausting excursion of my life, once we were already in the water the guide told us that the 4 feet deep water was where the sharks came to feed. Sharks! Four feet of water! Unfortuately, it was too late to turn around. But we did make it out to tell the story.

Needless to say, my husband doesn't get to pick our excurions any more.

Marcy

housemouse88 said...

Hello Christie,

Loved the list but especially the one about the whopper and your water breaking. Just too funny. Here lately I haven't done anything real stupid. In my younger days, I was known to flash a few people. Have a great day.

Christie Craig said...

Housemouse88,

You are a flasher? Wow!!! I'm impressed.

I have a friend who went to a topless beach in Europe and took her top off. She said it was probably the most liberating thing she's ever done. Me...oh heck no. I'm really stupid, but way too modest.

Thanks for the chuckle.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Marcy!

Too funny. I'm with you, I'd not let hubby pick the special trips anymore.

Thanks so much for sharing.

CC

CrystalGB said...

Hi Christie. I love your list. I guess the stupidest thing I have done is getting lost in Shoney's. One evening my husband and I had finished dinner and I told him I was going to go to the rest room and he said I will pay while you are gone. Upon exiting the rest room, I don't see my husband so I assume he has gone to the car. He is not there so I go back and I can't remember where we were sitting. I walk around looking for him and finally I decide the safest bet is to go to the car. A short time later, my husband appears and is quite upset because he had waited for me to come back and I never did. He tells me that the waitress says,"I think your wife went to the car." He replies to her, "Oh, she's not my wife. She's my sister and she just got out of the mental institution today." Needless to say, we have not been back to Shoney's.

Caroline said...

Excellent list I laughed out loud - especially the Tom Selleck one.

Stupidest Thing I've ever done was.....wait for it .....Get married. It didn't last and now I'm with the one I should have picked in the first place!!! 2nd worst thing was poo poo a friend who was a lottery fanatic - I mean £100 a week! Then she won - big time. Take care. Caroline

donnas said...

I can relate. I think we have all done some stupid things. But I have to say none of mine were outrageous enough to make a good story.

bacchus76 at myself dot com

bridget3420 said...

That was great!

Jane said...

Hi Christie,
Your list cracked me up. One of the stupidest things to do is drunk dial ex-boyfriends. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's done it.

Virginia said...

Loved your list. One thing I done when I was way younger is a bunch of us got drunk and I let a guy drive my car that was much worse drunk then me a we got pulled over by the cops. They took all the others to jail and let me go but told me not to drive. So here I was in a strange town my friend in jail and I wasn't aloud to drive. Oh what we do when we are young.

catslady said...

Agreeing to trade horses with a guide on the way down a mountain top in Hatii. The horse fell and I almost went over a cliff - shudder. I managed to get away with a cut in my armpit (ouch) and all the while they were laughing at me!!!I've got tons more lol.

Refhater said...

I've done so many stupid things in my life it's hard to pick one over the other. One that clearly stands out in my mind was the time I was talking with Darren McCarty of the Detroit Red Wings. (I'm a big hockey fan. Go Wings!)

Darren is the lead singer in his band. "Grinder" I had been at one of their concerts the night before and had taken his picture. Knowing that I was going to be meeting him the next day, I ran to the one hour photo and printed out the picture for him to sign. I asked him to sign the picture for me. It's important to note that that week I had been spending time with my online friends and had been answering to my screen name "Refhater" that whole time.

So when Darren asked my name to personalize the picture for me, I blurted out "My name is Refhater." He looked at me funny and then started signing the picture. I stood there for a few stunned minutes as my brain processed what I had just said. Then realizing that I had just said the wrong name, I again opened my big mouth and said. "No wait, my mother didn't name me Refhater, she named me Joelle."

At least we all got a good laugh. And it made a lasting memory.

Christie Craig said...

CrystalGB,

We must be sisters! I swear I can get lost going around the block. I have zero sense of direction. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you to never, ever get directions from me.

Thanks so much for stopping in.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Ohh, Caroline.

I did that, too. And when you find the right guy, it's so good. But with the wrong guy, it's worse than a bad case of stomach flu that doesn't go away.

And yeah, the friend that won the lottery, well, that would be tough one, too.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Donnas,

Well, you are lucky girl, then. A friend of mine told me today that one reason I can write humor is because of all the funny crap I get myself into. And if that's the price to pay to have my dream come true, crap can keep falling in my lap.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Bridget3420,

Thanks girl.

Keep smiling.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Jane,

Drunk dial ex-boyfriends! I love it!!! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to have heard some of the conversations. Or did you hang up?

Too funny. Thanks for sharing.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Virginia,

Yeah, that's the problem when alcohol is involved. And that would have pretty scary, being a strange town and not being able to drive and having all your friends in jail.

I'd say this is for sure one of those things you wouldn't let your kids do!!!

Thanks so much for stopping in.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Catslady,

I'm writing that one on my "Don't Do" list. I'm glad you were okay.

Thanks for sharing.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Refhater,

That is funny. You know I didn't think I would get nervous talking to Tom Selleck but for the first ten minutes my stomach was in butterflies.

Thanks for sharing.

CC

Alexa said...

Funny list! The stupidest things I've probably done is I got stuck in a baby swing. My friends and I were playing on the playground and there were no more big swing left, so I went in the baby one because I'm skinny and I thought I could fit. I got in fine, it was getting out that was the problem. I had to call my mom, who called the police to get me out.

Christie Craig said...

Alexa!

I love that one. I can see that in a scene in a book.

Thanks for the chuckle.

CC

Anonymous said...

congrats on book and reaviews

funny things

do nt open a car door or someone else when driving
dont run in heels to the court house

kh

Christie Craig said...

Kh,

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Dina said...

Christie,

I loved your book, it was very entertaining.