Tuesday, June 02, 2009
10 of the Stupidest Things I've Done
Please welcome back to the Playground guest author Christie Craig, a talented author, motivational speaker, and all-around funny lady.
We’ve all done them. Stupid things that we look back upon and think: Was I bat-shit crazy or what? I know, I know, most of us prefer to keep those moments/mistakes to ourselves. But hey, sharing our dim-witted moments with one another may help someone avoid falling into the same trap. Plus, they are really funny, so I’ll go first. However, remember, you need to share yours with me, too. I don’t want to be the only fool here today.
If you’re having a hard time coming up with something, just ask yourself what you did that you will never, ever let your child do. That pretty much will bring up a few memories. Oh, and one lucky person who posts a comment will receive a signed copy of Gotcha! as well as some neat promo items. So with no other delay, here are the top ten stupid things I’ve done, things I’ve lived through, and luckily, learned from.
1) Hang up on Tom Selleck because I needed to go pick up my son from school.
I was interviewing Mr. Selleck for a magazine article and we got to talking about everything from the NRA to his horses and when I realized I’d been talking to him for almost an hour and was late for picking my son, I told him I had to go. (Tom, give me one more shot, the kid was cute then, now he just eats a lot and leaves his dirty socks everywhere!) :)
2) Get on a Sky Lift during a windstorm in China.
Hey, I asked if it wasn’t too windy, and my translator told me the sky lift operators said it was up to me. I got on and then the translator told me the operators also said they wanted to see how smart Americans really were. And when the little tiny gondola was blowing to and fro, and I needed a clean pair of pants, I didn’t feel really smart. But in my defense, in America if there’s any danger, don’t they shut the dang things down and in China they obviously leave it up to the idiots.
3) Go to second base with an elephant.
I’m afraid you pretty much have to read this one to believe it: Elephant Blog
4) Take Your Step-Grandmother to Chippendale’s.
Seriously, I should have known better. I couldn’t get her to stop stuffing the dollar bills into the men’s underwear. And when she went through all of hers, she started going through my purse. And my mother just thought it was funny.
5) Tell a New York Taxi driver to hurry.
It made the gondola ride in China seem tame.
6) Crawl into the cage with three red pandas.
In my defense, the zoo keeper said I could do it. And I got some really good photographs (before they decided to charge me) never mind that I needed to change my shorts when I got out.
7) Allow my husband to go through the drive-through window at Burger King on the way to the hospital to have our son.
You’d know the minute he rolls to the window would be when my water broke, or I should say burst. Then I screamed out like an animal, and ended up with about twelve pimple-faced teens, their faces pressed against the glass window as if I was a show and tell, while my husband special ordered his Whopper.
8) Argue with a French waiter in Paris about the meaning of well done.
What can I say, I’d had two glasses of wine, was starving, and that piece of meat was so rare it not only mooed, it passed gas when I stuck my knife in it.
9) Call a cop a “friggin’ pig” and then break his windshield with a beer bottle.
Yeah, this is another one you might have to read to believe (but I swear it happened) and if you go to the link below for the complete explanation. There is even the bonus lesson of how I got caught by the police with a freezer bag of weed and didn’t get arrested.
Christie’s brush with the law.
10) Get caught by a lot of cops when you’re in a closed Pizza Hut on your knees, during a bad hair day, with thousands of dollars of cash strewn around you.
Yup, it was the beginning of a really bad day. You can read all about it at Dorchester’s website in the special feature section. Dorchester It’s funny and it will give you a clue to why I write humorous romantic suspense and maybe even a little insight into where the whole idea of Gotcha! came into being. Plus, you’ll see the contest where someone will win a whole basket of books and goodies.
Okay, so there you have it. Ten stupid things I’ve done. What about you? Come on, like that Country Western song says, “We all have some junk in the trunk, and it’ll all be fine, if I laugh at yours and you laugh at mine.” Plus, one lucky commenter will win a copy of Gotcha!. Which I’m proud to say, earned me my first Publisher’s Weekly Review, a Booklist Review and a Top Pick 4 ½ stars from Romantic Times. Also, today I’m blogging over at Killer Fiction and giving away a copy of Gotcha! over there. Plus, today I’m guest blogging at Wicked Authors and giving away a copy of Gotcha! there as well. So pop over, take a moment to laugh a little, and maybe you’ll win a copy of GOTCHA!.