Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bad girls, bad girls, watcha gonna do...

On Sunday, I took one of the (many) Facebook quizzes out there to find out which Joss Whedon character I was. The answer was Faith, the other Slayer from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is interesting because I like Faith, and I’d love to have her body and her moves, but rather funny because of today’s blog topic.

(I'd love to look this good ---------------->)

The Playfriends are always up for something new and different, and two weeks ago, Angel, Smarty Pants, and I signed up to take a women’s self-defense class. Yep, one of those classes where you get to beat up on guys wearing lots of protective gear. We learned how to get loose if someone grabs us from behind, and how to stomp, hit, kick, and elbow men in sensitive areas

Now, I haven’t been in a fight since high school, and then only twice. (I think I’m still banned from that skating rink.) I have dealt with my fair share of drunk guys in bars who wanted to get a little too friendly. I’ve slapped some faces and brought my knee up where it counts, but the whole punch-stomp-kick thing was new for me. But I think we all learned a lot and had a pretty good time.

Of course, part of the fun of doing something different with your friends is that you get to see them in a different light and learn something new about them. And let me tell you, Smarty Pants has some aggression issues, and you do NOT want to mess with her. I don’t really know what she did to the instructors, but I was her biggest casualty of the day. (No surprise, I know. This is ME we're talking about. It's not a true Playfriend adventure until PC gets hurt...)

Not ten minutes into class – when we’re supposed to be learning the proper movements and practicing *gently* on each other – SP nearly sent me to the hospital. It was partly a size issue – SP has about six inches on me, so when she lifted her arms and turned to face her “attacker” (ahem, me) her elbows were right at head height. This wouldn’t have been too bad, except for the aforementioned aggression issues coupled with some overachiever excitement. WHAM! SP’s elbow into PC’s temple. I saw stars. Tears welled up. I’m surprised my weenie self didn’t pass out from the pain. (I’m no Faith the Vampire Slayer.)

I had two black eyes the next morning. Even with copious amounts of concealer, I looked like a battered woman and Darling Geek got many strange looks at church. I had a monster headache for two days. There was swelling and tenderness that lasted longer than that.

The girl can certainly throw an elbow.

And I never could get her back. Check out the pictures of us on the Playground. She seriously has six inches and about twenty pounds on me. If I grabbed her from behind, she just leaned forward until my feet were off the ground and I was helpless. I was more than happy to turn her over to the well-padded and well-trained instructors and let her beat up on them.

Angel also let loose and wasn’t quite as angelic as normal, but honestly I don’t have a lot to report because the concussion caused a little bit of amnesia. I was also pretty busy keeping SP’s elbows in sight at all times so I didn’t accidentally get in the way again. (And we won't mention about how she tried to take out my *good* knee...)

For proof (and laughs), I present the photographic evidence of our adventure:

Angel grabs me from behind. Hmm, she doesn't look too Angelic at the moment, does she? She seems to be enjoying it. Bit of an aggressive streak in her too...

Now it's ON. There's about to be some hair-pulling and b*tch-slapping going on...

Angel takes on the instructor.

SP was behind the camera (this is unusual, because usually it's Angel behind the camera) and I was off nursing my concussion, so there are no shots of SP in class, alas. There are also no photos of my black eyes.

Good times. :-)

Ever take one of these self-defense classes? Did you unleash your inner Slayer on the instructors? What kind of revenge should I be planning for SP?



Maven Linda said...

Does it surprise anyone that I, too, have taken those self-defense classes? I loved it. I wish they had gone on longer. I wish I had time to take more classes. Heck, I wish I had time to take some martial arts classes.

There are always injuries, alas. I took the class with my notoriously un-athletic, uncoordinated older sis. She was supposed to pull her punch. She has no clue how to do that, so she almost broke my arm. On the upside, the six-foot-something police lieutenant cried uncle before I got through with him :-).

Kathy said...

Hahahahahahahahahahaahhahaha! You guys crack me up. :D

Hugs, PC!

Smarty Pants said...

Sigh... *sorry* ... you know, if I'd tried to elbow someone in the temple, I couldn't have landed that blow in a hundred years.

I really liked the class, though. I was surprised, but I got really amped up about it. In my defense, I hadn't meant to hit PC, unlike the well padded men that I beat on as hard as I could. I really haven't mastered the whole "be attacked-break hold-injure attacker-run away" thing. Once I get loose, I unleash my fury on them for having the audacity to attack me. Oops.

I must've done something right, though. The instructors shook my hands. The padded men didn't, but I don't blame them.

But I did let PC and Angel knee me mightily while I held this punching thing...

Playground Monitor said...

Not sure why I wasn't able to attend this with y'all but I'm sorta glad I was out of the way of SP's flying elbows. But as long as one of you is with me, I'm good. Right? You'll fend off anyone who comes after me?


Linda Winstead Jones said...

I'd love to take a self defense class. One day, maybe, before my mode of defense involves a walker. :-/ Though a walker could be wielded effectively, I imagine. If we're ever attacked as a group, I'll remember to stand well clear of SP. :-)


Lynn Raye Harris said...

Note to self: don't sneak up on SP.

Revenge? Hmm, well, we will all be in hotel rooms together in the not too distant future. We can wait until she falls asleep and then.....

Angel said...

Trust me, SP would come awake kicking! :)

How did I get in all those pictures? I'm far happier behind the camera.

This was lots of fun, though my back was very tight for a few days afterwards. Note to self: If heroine is attacked, even if she gets free, she'll hurt the next day. :) I think I did pretty good once I got over the instinct to freeze the moment I'm grabbed.


Problem Child said...

No, Maven Linda, it doesn't surprise me in the least you had a grown man crying uncle. :-)

So, SP, is that why I got an unexpected cake for Easter? Guilt?

Instigator said...

I really, really wish I'd been at this class. I heard the stories afterward and was bummed I'd missed it.


LeaannS said...

If you think hearing about it was funny, you should have been there! I was helping out with instruction and taking turns jumping SP, PC, and A as unexpectedly as possible (not easy since A is the only one shorter than me - a quarter inch is a big deal when you're twins). I must say the aggression comes across plainly! At one point I thought we were going to have to pull SP off the instructor as she chased him around the room to get one more good kick in!

BTW, the padded guy in the photo is my husband, who complained mightily about letting his sister-in-law beat him up. He said the thing that surprised him the most about the class was how empowered the women felt after getting to hit a guy a few times. :) I feel the same way every time I beat him up at karate class (don't tell him I said that, A!).