The Real(ity) World

Two of my must-see television shows are winding to an end.

Dancing with the Stars is down to the final three couples. Any one of the three could win, though I really want Kristi Yamaguchi to get that coveted mirror ball trophy because aside from the fact she's really good, a woman hasn't won since season one. But who amongst us hasn't enjoyed the eye candy called Christian de la Fuente? I've discovered a new hunk.

American Idol is ending too. The finale is next week and it's a toss-up who will win. David A might have lost some popularity after the media revealed his father was a backstage bully, not only to his own son but the other contestants as well. After he told his son to change a lyric and cost AI money, their lawyers banned him from backstage.

I was not a David Cook fan at the beginning. His crazy hair and rocker style wasn't my thing. But I've seen him take huge chances and improve each week. I wonder if Simon's early comment about him never amounting to anything besides a guy with a guitar was a motivation to DC to prove him wrong?

Syesha is a powerful singer, but she hasn't been able to battle these two guys. Maybe the voters will surprise us and the finale won't be the battle of the Davids.

The non-reality world is winding down for me too -- Desperate Housewives and CSI are ending. The writers' strike did a number on TV this year. I have discovered Moonlight so at least I can catch up on it during the re-runs.

Last Sunday night was the Survivor finale. Parvati won Survivor Micronesia: Fans versus Favorites and pocketed a cool million for holding off the other contestants over 39 days of rain, bugs and sleeping in a cave. I was bummed when Ozzy was voted off. He's by far the best ever player in Survivor history. I was more bummed when James had to leave for medical reasons. I agree that Erik is THE dumbest player in Survivor history and I really wanted Amanda to win.

But I read about a new Survivor series.

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and take either music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all the family's friends and relatives, and send cards out on time -- no emailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Emergency Room.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will have access to television only when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name; also the child's weight and length at birth, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what he/she wants to be when grown up.

The kids vote the men off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years, eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

Other than watching the Moonlight reruns and the six weeks of Monk we'll get in July and August, I guess I'll have to find something else to do in the evenings. Gee, maybe I could oh... write?

How's your TV viewing coming along?

P.S. Please pop over to the Pink Heart Society where our own Problem Child (AKA Kimberly Lang) is doing her first guest blog. Squeeeee!