Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Tidings of grumble, grumble, grumble...

Umm, Christmas is one week from today. Are you ready? Are you feeling the "tidings of comfort and joy?" Or are you on your last nerve?

I’m actually in the spirit some this year. Decorations are up. Presents are purchased and wrapped (okay, so I’m 2 gift cards from done). I actually know what I’m going to do for AC’s class Christmas party (oh, the woes of the room mom). I’ve been jamming to the Christmas carol radio station and singing my heart out. I made peppermint patties with AC last night, and we’ll make cookies for Santa this weekend. I’ve planned and almost finished shopping for our Christmas day dinner. I even invited the priest. I’m practically jolly this year.

But then come the people who make me feel like the Grinch.

To the lady in the enormous SUV outside the WalMart today: Yes, I understand your urgent need to get to WalMart for whatever it is you’re after today, but the left turn lane is full of people who also want to go to the WalMart right now. Blocking two lanes of traffic with your Tahoe as you wait to get in the turn lane is beyond annoying. And no, turning on your blinker doesn’t make it better. We (those cars stacking up behind you) fully understand what you want to do. What we want to know is why you can’t go down to the next turn lane, make a U-turn, and come back. It would probably be quicker than waiting in that enormous queue to turn left without a light anyway, and all of us could get where we want to go in a reasonable amount of time. Waving at me once you finally pull out of the way doesn’t really make it better either.

To “Tracy,” whoever you are: Please call your grandmother. She’s very concerned because you gave her my phone number instead of yours and she hasn’t heard from you in a while. It’s getting close to Christmas, and she really wants to know if you’re coming home on Christmas Eve or not. She’s calling a couple of times a day now and just doesn’t understand why I won’t put you on the phone. Please call her soon, because I expect the police to show up any minute to look for your dead body I’m obviously hiding in my floorboards.

To the telemarketers calling my house: Yes, I understand identity theft is rampant this time of year, but how I’m protecting myself is really none of your business. When I say “No, thank you. Goodbye,” that doesn’t mean, “Call me back later this afternoon.” And no, you can’t speak to DG; he’ll explain the meaning of "Do Not Call List" in terms inappropriate to the season.

To the “gentleman” at the Target today: I wasn’t racing you to the checkout. I didn’t even know you were behind me. Swerving around me as we pull in to lane 20 with a “Beat You!” is annoying and immature.

To Mother Nature: Make up your freakin' mind.

Maybe I’m just over-sensitive. It’s supposed to be a season of peace and joy and goodwill and all, yet folks are just annoying the crap out of me for some reason. I guess there’s a good reason eggnog is alcoholic.

Go ahead; get your Grinch on today and get it out of your system. Tell us all about what (or who) is annoying you. You’ll feel much better, and the rest of us won’t feel so alone in our Grinch-ness.



Actual good tidings: Caridad Pineiro and Maureen Child will be blogging tomorrow!!


Playground Monitor said...

Was the b*tch in the Tahoe also talking on her cell phone? I'm just waiting to get run over by a soccer mom yakking on her cell phone as she drives her Hummer through a stop sign.

And that "gentleman" at Target -- I just might have "accidentally" run into his heels with the wheels on my shopping buggy. Oops! Sorry. Didn't mean to sever your Achilles tendon. Merry Christmas!

Alfredo Canseco is trying to call someone whose number is very similar to mine. And the last time he did it, he called at about 4:30 A-freaking M. I could understand the first time he made the mistake. But pay attention Al!

My great aunt Hattie's phone number was one digit different than a hair salon. After a while she just started "taking appointments." I'll bet Yolanda was fit to be tied when she showed up at the Cut & Curl for her 10 o'clock appointment and found out she didn't have a 10 o'clock appointment. Score one for Aunt Hattie.

The plumbing under my kitchen sink chose to spring a leak 3 days before I'm leaving town. Fortunately I could get the plumber out before I left. I just hope it won't be anything major. Of course it's $29.50 just to ring the doorbell and say "Where's the leak, ma'am?"

And never fear, PC. If Tracy's grandma sends the cops over, we'll bail you out.


Jen said...

Y'all are hilarious today! Rare form.

Christmas shopping? Cards? Decorations? A shower? Bwahahaha. I'm one scene away from finishing my book then I can spread my holiday cheer.

Barbara Vey said...

No complaints here. I don't shop much, didn't decorate this year, not sending out cards, I don't bake and I never answer my phone unless I know who it is. Wait a minute...maybe I'm the Grinch!

Can't wait for Caridad and Maureen tomorrow, I'm almost done with their book "Holiday With a Vampire."

Maven Linda said...

I simplified this year, by drawing names instead of a mad quest to buy six million gifts. That helped. I also put up only one tree, instead of three. That helped. And we're having our family get-together on Sunday the 23rd, instead of Christmas Eve. That helped others more than it helped me, because they were always dashing madly from pillar to post.

I might be stressed out by the shoppers IF I had been able to go shopping. I haven't, except for one day. I still have six gifts to get. So I'm stressed by that. Why haven't I been able to go shopping? In a word: husband. He has "things to do" - none of which involve Christmas, or have a deadline. Hello! I have a deadline! Sunday is it! Between repairmen coming, deliveries scheduled, visitors, etc., I can't find a clear swatch of time in which to go shopping. If hubby was here to handle the domestic stuff, then I could get things done.

My phone number is one digit off from a barber shop. Lots of calls.

Take a deep breath. This too shall pass.

It's a beautiful red sunrise this morning. Does that mean we'll get more rain?

FWIW, has anyone been brave enough to go to www.disturbingauctions.com? I heard one can find really bizzare and useless items there, like a Saddam Hussein hand puppet. What would one do with that?


Maven LJ said...

I'm really cutting back this year on decorations. Stuff happened and I ran out of time, and instead of making myself crazy I picked what HAD to be done and did it. I put up two trees (had to put up the space tree!) and dug out a couple of convenient decorations. I'm making cookies and candy, trying to do one or two things a day. My shopping is done -- as long as the last two things I ordered arrive by this Friday. If not, I will be out Friday evening in my SUV cutting people off and . . . wait, I don't have an SUV. And I know how to make a U-turn.

All the Christmas activities for my family and my husband's are here at our house again this year. It'll all take place this coming weekend, on Saturday and Sunday, so for Christmas Eve and Christmas I plan to eat leftovers and sleep. Now, that's a holiday plan. :-)


Smarty Pants said...

My work number is 1 digit off from Dominos. Its just wild and crazy here around lunchtime. And for some reason, my -3333 extension gets confused with the Mariott's -2222 and I get calls for them. That's just lazy to miss an entire button 4 times.

I haven't run across many tacky shoppers yet, but I shopped early and got all this out of the way.

Now I'm just focused on my Christmas menu and such. Not too Grinchy. Heck, I was almost friendly the other day - I was handing out extra coupons for the grocery store out to other patrons. I have tons for $5 off and they expire the end of the year. Only problem was that I must've appeared like a hobo begging for change as people practically ran from me when I said "ma'am?" Pretty sad.

Lynn Raye Harris said...

My holiday is easy this year: we're going away. No tree, no decorations, no shopping to do.

But, a week with my FIL on the confines of a ship WILL be trying on my nerves. The man is irritating. Sweet, but irritating. He's on a schedule. He has to eat at certain times, or he gets cranky. He's cruised enough times that he knows everything and wants to tell the rest of us all about it. He has already informed us about the procedure for getting off the ship at the end of the cruise. :/

I'm just hoping my hubby doesn't snap, in a drunken umbrella-drink stupor, and say something he might later regret. *sigh*

Playground Monitor said...

I'm just hoping my hubby doesn't snap, in a drunken umbrella-drink stupor...

Maybe it'll be a drunken coconut-monkey-head-drink stupor and everyone will think it's funny. *g*

I do have to make one more trip to the grocery store before Thursday to get food to leave for my husband. He won't eat easy stuff like casseroles, lasagne, Lean Cuisine. So I'll buy meat and veggies and he can have at it. Or eat out.


Instigator said...

I have plenty of grinch this morning to go around. DH's truck appears to have died. Can anyone say $2000 new engine? I really didn't need this right now.

Oh and the girls had their Christmas show last night - not at the same time. That would be too easy. One was at 6. The other was at 7. Which meant we didn't get home and in bed until 9. They were both up several times during the night and at 12:30 Sweet Pea managed to overflow the toilet. I could not go back to sleep after that. I really need a nap, a good cry and some good news.

Instigator - who apparently has enough to whine about for everyone :-)

Instigator said...

Okay. Who thought it would be a good idea to put a story (accompanied by three pictures) about snakes on the MSN home page this morning? Now every time I go to the internet I have six little beady eyes staring back at me. It gives me the heebie-jeebies.


Kathy said...

Good luck with the party, PC! I remember those days well.

Sorry about the toilet overflow, Instigator. And sending cyber hugs your way about the unexpected truck expense!

I feel like the grinch that stole Christmas. I did get my decorations put up, but our outside lights are halfway done. And yes, they are turned on to alert the neighbors to that fact.

I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning finishing up Christmas cards. I've still got 2 boxes to pack and send. I've actually got no idea how many presents I need to buy because I haven't wrapped any of ours yet and frankly have already forgotten what I bought. One week to go until Christmas and I'm so not ready. Cookies? Ack! I'm so not ready.

The DH has been gone 2 weeks. He got stranded in Cincinati on Sunday and got home yesterday morning, just in time to wash a few clothes and head out the door again by noon with #2. On a good note: #2 and the DH made it safely to NYC. #2 should have her first interview today with a company Austin Scarlet (one of the top 3 finalists in the 1st Project Runway season) works at. Tomorrow she's off to Badgely Mishka and Dimetrios.

Oh, to be young again and in pursuit of success.

Angel said...

Thus far my holiday is going fairly well. Busy, but good. I've avoided the worst of the crowds and gotten to do some fun things. This next week I have something everyday until after Christmas. But they are parties and things, so that's good. :)


Lynn Raye Harris said...

LOL, PM! I may just have to get my hubby liquored up on coconut-monkey-head drinks. ;)

Hugs on the truck woes, Instigator. :(

Rhonda Nelson said...

LOL, PC, you're in rare form today. :-)

As for phone numbers, mine is one off the local Catholic church and come the first of the month I'm getting calls wanting to know if I could assist people with their utility bill.


jennifer said...

This year I have tryed to do so much that grinch doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Over the coarse of the year my dearest friend moved to the same town as me and Hurt her leg in the process. She is still laided up and of coarse I told her I would make sure her holidays went off without a hitch like any good friend would do right?
Well after decorating two gaint houses, then the lights proceeded to burn out after two days, christmas shopping for two houses, which I'm half way done with, I say we cancel the whole damn thing.Nothing is going right and i'll never be done in time. my list just continues to grow, and people in general needs to quit whining to me about everything. people a.k.a. my sister.
seriously i think a simple thanks for being there this year is the best christmas present in the world and then it won't matter if someone else gave it to you already.