Sunday, April 15, 2007
Back on the Ground!
Just a little house update to make the rest of the blog understandable: Not only did I put my house on the market one week ago today, since then I have sold it and have less than a month to move out. I'll be gone this morning, as the inspection is happening today. Continue to pray for me. :)
We've spent this past week getting a few last minute things done before our house inspection tomorrow, because both my husband and I were going to be out-of-town this weekend. One thing that didn't get done because it was raining was painting this little bit of a chimney that sticks up from our roof that a certain someone kept putting off because he "didn't feel like it".
Sunday evening the weather cleared and the sun came out for several hours, so I thought, "Hmmm, I bet I could knock that out in no time." (Keep in mind that I'm home alone with 2 small children.) So I drag the huge ladder over to the right spot and struggle getting it upright, much less open and stable. I'm only 5 feet tall to its 12 feet, after all. I open the can of paint and head up the ladder.
Did I mention I'm afraid of heights? The higher I got I kept reminding myself that if I just got up there, I could get this over with quickly. But as I reached the top I noticed that the slant of the roof seemed a lot steeper than it did from the ground. Hmmm. But still I tried to get my keister up onto the shingles. As I did, the ladder shifted ever so slightly.
That's when I realized, Dummy, you are trying to get on your roof with your two small kids in the house and no adult in sight. What if you fell? Who would help you? No one! Because no one can see you lying broken on the pavement in the BACKYARD. I immediately retreated to the ground and meekly replaced all my supplies from whence I had gotten them.
Now, in this case I think this was a smart move. I don't know what possessed me in the first place, except a year's worth of frustration over a certain hubby who is more likely to give up on a job than finish it. But it reminded me of something I've been pondering for a bit now.
When I'm writing, I tend to stop or retreat at the first sign of fear, of anxiety, of uncertainty. Then I have to struggle to move forward after moving backward. The old "one step forward, three steps back" tango.
Why do I do this? I don't know. Some kind of habit that has formed out of my personality and the circumstances of my life. In this case I DON'T think it is a smart move. I have to work through my fears in order to ever achieve in this arena. Also, if I don't work through them, I'll be forever moving backwards, because the fears and uncertainties are never ending in this business.
How do I do that? Hmmm... that will take more than a pat answer, which I'm not sure that I have. Probably the first step is to breath, as Problem Child is constantly telling me to do. After that, where do I go?
Any suggestions? Notice any similar patterns in your life? What is your biggest fear as a writer?