I've come to the conclusion that I'm getting cranky in my old age. And apparently so is my muse.
I've been working on revisions for the last few weeks - in between eye infections, skin infections and trips to the doctor. Tonight my wonderful DH took both girls outside to play after dinner leaving me with a precious 45 minutes to immerse myself in my story. Except that they didn't want to stay out that long.
Of course they waited just long enough for me to really get into things before running in, yelling, fighting, whining, bringing general mayhem and pretty much pulling me out of the flow. I was not a happy camper. At the time I was working on a chapter that had been giving me fits for days and I'd finally figured out what changes I needed to make to pull things together. Interruptions not welcome. I yelled. And then felt bad.
This is why I normally write at night. In the bathtub. I get mean and nasty when something interrupts the creative zone. I don't write at work for the same reason. It never fails, as soon as I get into a scene my bosses decide they need something. The nerve :-)
I honestly feel terrible about getting angry. I hate feeling mean and guilty after yelling at my girls. As I was doing it I knew I shouldn't, but frustration takes over sometimes. I needed a few more minutes of quiet not five potty trips, referee requirements and complaints.
I wouldn't change being a mother for anything in the world. Most of the time my girls are the light of my life. Every once in a while though... When you're pregnant no one tells you there'll be days you want to give them back. That sure wasn't in any of the books I read :-)
What sparks off your temper?
Instigator
P.S. Catslady is the winner from yesterday's blog. Please send your mailing address to the Playground Monitor to arrange for your prize.
14 comments:
Hey, hey, hey, blogger is letting me in today ;)
As far as things that set me off when I'm trying my best to get my writing in (and making headway) --For me, it's the phonecall from someone who knows I'm home and sitting at the ready to talk for hours because I "don't work." Uh-huh.
Kelley
Definitely those kiddie interruptions! Or the hubby who thinks, "Well the kids are in bed and you aren't doing anything but writing, so..." I love ya babe, but NOT RIGHT NOW. The only "getting it on" will be between my characters. :)
I think this is a major issue for me right now, because life is CRAZY. But hopefully things will settle after the move and I'll find more uninterrupted time.
Oh, Kelley, I HATE those phone calls. Mine usually start with someone asking, "Are you busy?" I tell them I'm working, they apologize, and then they keep talking. {{sigh}}
I really admire those of you who have the dedication and drive to write while you have small ones at home. When my grandkids are here, I don't even try to get to the computer. If I do, they want me to take them to the Barney site. :-) I forget the kind of constant care kids take until I have a couple of the grandkids here for a while. So, y'all pat yourselves on the back. What you've done is amazing.
LJ
Thankfully, most of my friends and family have day jobs and don't call...AC's school, though, will call at the drop of a hat. (Last week, I got to take a change of clothes for another child because *her* mom was at work and couldn't leave, while I, on the other hand, was home.)
Part of the reason I haven't had kids yet - I don't know if I have the patience for it. I know too many women who came of age in the 50s and 60s who had kids because that was just what you did - not because they really wanted them or were suited to be mothers. Its not like getting your ear pierced because everyone else is doing it.
I write at work mostly because I get the least interruptions here. No cats sleeping on the monitor with their fluffy tail hanging across the screen. No DB wanting attention or food or needing to get on the computer. No old episodes of Law & Order to suck me into the couch for the night.
What am I going to do when I do have kids?
I hate phone calls when I'm working, too. Calls always come when I'm deep into the story and the ring makes me jump out of my skin. Or the kids come home from school and want to talk. Well... wanting to keep the chain of communication open, I stop and listen, and talk. Trying to get back into the scene over and over again is frustrating. this is why I didn't write much when my kids were little. Now that my kids are grown, I have to do it while they're at school because invariably I'll have to chauffeur them somewhere or will be interrupted. Sometimes you just have to put the computer away. No regrets. No anger. Just realizing that this is your life. And life matters most.
Don't come down so hard on yourself. Kids will be kids. But they don't understand what could possibly be so important that it would take your attention away from them. They are the center of the universe, you see. And, though we want them to realize we have lives of our own, we also want them to feel important. Just try your best to find a happy medium. And go easy on yourself. We've all had days like these.
Kathy
SP, you'll find a way :-) My best hours are after the girls go to bed (and we're through with potty trips, stuffed animal hunting and drinks of water). I do miss out on quite a bit of TV when I'm in the middle of a project but that's what DVR is for - as long as I don't cheat and check the internet for who got voted off on Survivor or ANTM.
I think - everyone cross your fingers - that I'm going to get some extra writing hours at work this afternoon. I love it when everyone decides to leave for the day and I get the office all to myself. Now, if Baby Girl will cooperate and go down for her nap at a decent hour I'll be set.
Instigator
I hate the "you don't work" attitude that others have. And rudeness in general tends to set me off. It takes so little to be courteous yet so many people are all about me, me, me and don't give a monkey's rump they might be hurting or inconveniencing someone else.
And don't get me started on people who talk on cell phones in public places at top volume -- like I'm interested that they just broke up with their boyfriend or their mother-in-law just had hemorrhoid surgery.
PM
Thanks so much for picking my horrible story lol. Luckily it was a while ago. My girls are grown now and the youngest just turned 20 so no more children or teenage stresses anymore but silly me thought it would be easier when they got older.
I think the theme seems to be the feeling of being taken advantage of or not appreciated for our contributions.
Personally, if you aren't willing to do something, I don't think you should have any input into how I do it. Either tell me to do something or tell me how to do it, but you can't have both. All you need to know is that dinner will be served in 30 minutes. If you want any additional input, you need to make it yourself. End of rant.
I hate Blogger. I hate Google. While I'm at it, I hate Yahoo. I hate when they change things in THEIR way of doing things that forces everyone who uses them to change, too -- without asking first if anyone wants to make the change. If my bank did this, I'd close out the account and go to another bank. Yes, I've been having trouble for weeks posting a comment here, because Blogger switched to Google so everyone has to re-do stuff. If this doesn't go, after I've jumped through their hoops, I'll take an oath: I WILL NOT USE BLOGGER EVER AGAIN.
I don't mind carrying grudges; they aren't heavy. I haven't watched the SF channel, the stupid jerks, since they canceled Farscape on a cliff-hanger.
Today has been a heavy interruption day, and I'm under a hellish deadline, so my temper has deteriorated all day long. I've gone from sunny to neutral to stoic to irritated, and now I'm verging on homicidal. And y'know what? I won't feel sorry, either. Writing isn't like regular work; the level of concentration required is much, much deeper, and any interruption at all can cost me about two hours' work, because that's how long it usually takes me to get back to that level of concentration. I don't expect non-writers to know this, unless I've told them -- but once I tell them, they'd better remember it.
Guess y'all can tell I'm not having a good day.
Sorry, Linda. It's good to have you back, though.
Oh Linda. I'm so sorry! I'm glad you can post again though. We've missed you!
Instigator
I'm glad to hear you describe it like that, Linda, because that's exactly what interruptions feel like. Concentration doesn't come easy. People think you can just slip into it at will, but I can't. It takes a little work, some habits, and persistence... only then am I really into the story.
Which is why I'm not writing at the moment. Too much packing, phone calls, and kids driving me crazy. And I have the headache that won't quit. Fun, fun.
Oddly enough, I'd told everyone I'd be away from the computer the next few days while I'm moving. Ha ha!! I find myself coming to it over and over because it helps me destress. :)
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