Just a little house update to make the rest of the blog understandable: Not only did I put my house on the market one week ago today, since then I have sold it and have less than a month to move out. I'll be gone this morning, as the inspection is happening today. Continue to pray for me. :)
We've spent this past week getting a few last minute things done before our house inspection tomorrow, because both my husband and I were going to be out-of-town this weekend. One thing that didn't get done because it was raining was painting this little bit of a chimney that sticks up from our roof that a certain someone kept putting off because he "didn't feel like it".
Sunday evening the weather cleared and the sun came out for several hours, so I thought, "Hmmm, I bet I could knock that out in no time." (Keep in mind that I'm home alone with 2 small children.) So I drag the huge ladder over to the right spot and struggle getting it upright, much less open and stable. I'm only 5 feet tall to its 12 feet, after all. I open the can of paint and head up the ladder.
Did I mention I'm afraid of heights? The higher I got I kept reminding myself that if I just got up there, I could get this over with quickly. But as I reached the top I noticed that the slant of the roof seemed a lot steeper than it did from the ground. Hmmm. But still I tried to get my keister up onto the shingles. As I did, the ladder shifted ever so slightly.
That's when I realized, Dummy, you are trying to get on your roof with your two small kids in the house and no adult in sight. What if you fell? Who would help you? No one! Because no one can see you lying broken on the pavement in the BACKYARD. I immediately retreated to the ground and meekly replaced all my supplies from whence I had gotten them.
Now, in this case I think this was a smart move. I don't know what possessed me in the first place, except a year's worth of frustration over a certain hubby who is more likely to give up on a job than finish it. But it reminded me of something I've been pondering for a bit now.
When I'm writing, I tend to stop or retreat at the first sign of fear, of anxiety, of uncertainty. Then I have to struggle to move forward after moving backward. The old "one step forward, three steps back" tango.
Why do I do this? I don't know. Some kind of habit that has formed out of my personality and the circumstances of my life. In this case I DON'T think it is a smart move. I have to work through my fears in order to ever achieve in this arena. Also, if I don't work through them, I'll be forever moving backwards, because the fears and uncertainties are never ending in this business.
How do I do that? Hmmm... that will take more than a pat answer, which I'm not sure that I have. Probably the first step is to breath, as Problem Child is constantly telling me to do. After that, where do I go?
Any suggestions? Notice any similar patterns in your life? What is your biggest fear as a writer?
Angel
8 comments:
Congrats on selling the house so quickly! That's great news.
When it comes to fear -- Are you talking about fear related to the writing or to the business? I suffer from both. I think we all do. (OK, MOST of us. :-)) I don't think it's a matter of dismissing the fears, but rather finding our own way of dealing with them, of continuing on in spite of the very real and understandable fears. That's courage, and this business definitely calls for courage! :-)
LJ
Yes, a good deep breath is always the place to start.
"Live to fight another day" is a pretty good idea. Graceful retreating often gives you a chance to re-examine the situation and make a better decision.
And what the HELL were you even thinking to get up on the ladder!?!
Congratulations on selling your house, Angel! After all of your hard work, this is a real coup!
As for fear...we're old friends. I've learned how to write thorugh fear with deadline adrenaline. :-)
Congrats on not falling off the roof and traumatizing your children forever. ;-)
Writing fear -- Not getting it right.
Congrats on the house sale! And may the inspection go smoothly as well.
Sometimes I think I have a fear of success. What if I sold a book (of course, that means I'd have to write one first)? Then they'd want more. And I'd have deadlines. And revisions and edits. And details to work out. And publicity. And ...
Deep breath. Deep breath.
PM
I guess with writing and with climbing ladders, you need a good support system - someone to help keep you steady and call 9-1-1 (or bring wine and chocolate) if a catastrophe occurs. That's the only thing that keeps me writing through the fears. Honestly, without HOD and WP, I would've hung it up by now.
My biggest fear as a writer... probably the same as Marilyn. That I will sell. That all the right ingredients will come together just right (more dumb luck than skill) and I'll get a book published. Then what? What if I can never get another book to click? What if I become a one book wonder who gets addicted the adreneline of success and can never get my hands on it again? What if I become that miserable woman at the conference that people whisper about because her first book was sooo good, then nothing... worse than never selling at all, I think.
I can't believe you hoisted a ladder to the side of the house and tried to climb it. This sounds like something I would do! ;-) Next time, give it more of an angle and then keep you cell phone in your pocket. (Wink)
Fear. That's a big four-letter word. I often fear that having the desire to make writing a career will be a fruitless endeavor. That I'll hear "I told you so." That I'll have wasted years for nothing. That I'm even now wasting my time, so precious and limited as it is. But... we have to pull on our big girl panties, strap on our SuperHero costumes, add on top of those our everyday clothes, and then face the world one step at a time. Trying to see the big picture can be overwhelming. However, if we keep our eyes on the now, work one hour here and another there, sit our bums in the chair whenever we can, everyday will add up to someday.
Here's to climbing those ladders and the somedays we all hope to experience.
Kathy
I'm sorry I haven't checked back in today. The only time I was home, my internet service wasn't working. Now I've got about 40 unread messages from an online class I'm taking to wade through.
Don't know how the inspection went. Real estate agent said maybe we'll hear something tomorrow morning, though the buyer's agent didn't mention anything major, so here's hoping. (fingers crossed!)
That's exactly it, PM!!! I think I have a fear of success. What if I do succeed? Then I'll have to do it again. It was hard enough the first time!!!! I have the utmost respect for writers like our Mavens, who not only sell that first time, but time and again with increasing success. (And having heard some of the "behind the scenes" footage from their success stories, I have even more respect for their perseverence and talent.)
I will just have to push through. And I can't even describe the look on my husband's face when I told him I tried to get on the roof. Priceless!
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