Friday, April 07, 2006

RevisionLand : The Unhappiest Place on Earth

I’ve finally made peace with my muse. At least, she’s decided to return from her year-long sabbatical. Tan with a passport in one hand and Gucci sunglasses in the other, she strolled into my office last week and flopped down into my guest chair. She was ready to get back to work.

Lucinda and I have that sort of relationship. (Yes, I named my muse. Actually, I didn’t, she told me that was her name. Wait…she did, really. Who are those men in the white coats?) She’s subject to flights of fancy, disappearing for days or weeks at a time. But when she gets back, she’s ready to go. Bottom in seat, fingers on keyboard. Over time I have learned to adjust to her temperamental schedule and can really be quite effective that way, given there’s no deadline to cramp her style.

When I asked why she left for so long this time, she muttered something about my old day job. Tell me about it, Sister. I told her the next time she bailed to Fiji, she’d darn well better take me with. She promised I had an even more exciting trip ahead of me. St. Lucia? Nope. Italy? No. She wanted to keep it a secret.

Together, we coasted to the end of the manuscript. After a day of reveling, she handed me two Park Hopper tickets to “RevisionLand.” Not exactly the trip I had in mind, but I’m flexible. So here I am, writing from the Unhappiest Place on Earth. I usually like rides, although I must say, some of the attractions at RevisionLand have made me nauseus as I run from one to the next.

Slash Mountain cut twenty-five pages from my opening chapters. I retreated to Space-Out mountain to watch mindless TV for a while as I mourned their loss. I passed a weary looking PC on my way to Mr. Toad’s Wild Slide to rearrange some scenes. She’s ridden that one a couple times by the look of it. The Pro-logue Ride dampened my spirits as the wave of pressure crashed down onto me. I hopped onto the Teacups to see if I could get a new spin on the story, or at least dry my clothes.

I’m tired and there are still several days, even weeks left in my trip. Hopefully I will have a great scrapbook to show for it when I get home, but that’s only if I survive the trip. Lucinda had to pull my head out of the mouth of the robotic hippo at the Jungle Cruise. It will be worth it, she insists. I hope so. I hope one day I might grow to enjoy my trips to RevisionLand. I will no doubt return, maybe even get a season-pass. Might as well get something out of it.

In the meantime, Lucinda is insisting I spring for her to get a $15 hamburger at a concession stand.

(Oh, and don't bother looking for Johnny Depp at the Pirates of the Characterization ride. He's not there. Or so they told me. Five or six times. Okay, nine.)


Problem Child said...

You are in rare form today, SP!

Mr. Toad's Slide is making me green around the gills as well.

But we're here together, so I'll meet you at the bar later and we'll toss back a couple until Angel and Instigator arrive with *their* WIPs.

If you put me on the Teacups, I'll puke...


Linda Winstead Jones said...

LOL -- I know that park well, SP. Sometimes I choose to go there, and other times an editor or a dear friend INSIST that I spend a little time in the park. Either way, it's usually exhausting.

I can't believe you didn't mention the Tunnel Of Love Scenes.


Instigator said...

ROFLMAO SP. Too funny!

I also think it's interesting that we all seem to be in the revision stages at the moment. Like when girlfriends' cycles all regulate themselves. Hmm, let's hope that doesn't happen during nationals.

If anyone needs me I'll be riding the tunnel of love scenes. Repeatedly. {vbg}


Smarty Pants said...

I'm avoiding the Tunnel of Love Scenes. I don't think I'm tall enough to ride that ride yet.


Angel said...

LOL!!!! Love this take on RevisionLand!

Unlike everyone else, RevisionLand is one of my favorite places to visit. I enjoy rearranging scenes and beefing up language and characters. But I also puke on the Teacups, or even standing in line for the Teacups.

And don't even get me started on the Tunnel of Love Scenes after yesterday! (inside joke)

I'll see you in RevisionLand next week, when I'm finally allowed to work again. :)


Playground Monitor said...

And to think I was actually volunteered for a trip to this place! The editor at True Confessions nibbled at the first story I sent them and I boldly emailed her back and said "I'm open to revisions."

Thanks for the insight. I'l remember to pack something for headaches and nausea. And a couple extra changes of clothes.


Kathy said...

I'm caught between wanting to laugh and needing a liberal dose of dramamine!


Problem Child said...

Wow, so the WHOLE playground is in RevisionLand. Freaky.

Sorry, Tunnel of Love Scenes is just too Freudian for me.


Smarty Pants said...

I wonder how many pun-ny ride names we can come up with...

Flashback to the Future?


Playground Monitor said...

There's always Survivor: Rejection Island.

Playground Monitor said...

Oh... I forgot Lost, which is what I am most of the time.