Monday, April 17, 2006

No Show

Sorry about being a No Show this morning. I usually try to get my post up around midnight, but was working on my book and completely forgot. Honest, I was!

Out of everyone, the Children and my critique partners will be the most surprised. I've found, unfortunately, that when I walk away from my writing for any period of time, it is very difficult for me to get back into the story. Then why walk away? Life happens.

But life (i.e. other obligations, children, a husband who needs some occassional attention, and my resume business, among other things) isn't the only complication. More ephemeral things tend to get in the way: worry over whether I'll ever get it right, whether someone besides me will like it, where I'm going to send it, who I'm going to send it to. Can you tell I worry a lot? :)

Kira and I have talked quite a bit about how to handle this little problem. We tend to have similar issues, since we both have small children. Juggling is always a problem, because there is always something waiting to be done. I've been told repeatedly to PRIORITIZE. Getting even a little bit of work done on my writing first thing will move me along, then later in the day when I have more time I can come back to it.

Usually I do this well for a while. Then issues of urgency capture my attention and I have to remind myself of it again. Some days I despair of ever keeping to my ideal schedule. :) But then if I had time to write all day every day, that would mean my other life would be boring and lonely. Not that I don't dream about it sometimes, but still... :)

What does this have to do with anything? I'm not sure. Except that this morning I'm going to turn on my AlphaSmart and pick up my chapter where I left off last night. Then I'll play with the kids, do laundry, fix lunch, exercise....



Instigator said...

Bravo!! I'm really proud of you Angel, especially because I know how hard it can be to give yourself that time.

Now, if I could just follow in your footsteps. I'm going back and forth between thinking this project is brilliant and second guessing every scene I write. I suppose that could be a good thing (the optomist in me is adamant I find a silver lining :0) - it means I'm really studying this book and want to make it the best it can be right? Hmm, somehow that doesn't make those periods of doubt any easier.


Problem Child said...

Angel, you are the busiest person I know...and I don't know how you get it all done.

Life is always going to get in the way...and until we sell a book, it's too easy to convince yourself you should be doing something else with your time.

Somedays we're geniuses, other days we're idiots--but we're doing it. (And I think we're all doing a pretty good job.)

Smarty Pants said...

I do the same thing. I'll think to myself - this is crap. No one is ever going to buy it so why am I wasting my time with this when I could/should be doing X, Y or Z instead. But I guess the writing gene is just too hard to ignore. It keeps me going to back to it.

Keep up the good work!

Angel said...

Just finished chapter 3!!! Now I have one more scene fresh in my mind I'd like to get down today.
My poor children. I'm being a bad mother by letting them watch cartoons all morning. Oh well. :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one suffering from doubts. But no matter how much I obsess, I just have this core belief that if I work hard, I'll eventually publish a book. For those of you who don't know me, this is really a miracle! I'm definitely a pessimistic person most of the time.

Some days I'd rather be scrapbooking or shopping, going to a movie or lunching with friends. Some days I'm desperate enough to contemplate housework rather than write. But it always comes back to the writing, doesn't it?

Angel-who is off to get that scene down while the kids are occupied.

Smarty Pants said...

Angel - just the fact that you even consider yourself to be a bad mother for letting them watch cartoons is a testament to your great mothering skills. Too many parents plop their kids in front of the tv as a babysitter and don't give it a second thought.

Congrats on chapter 3!

Rhonda said...

Angel, a little TV isn't going to traumatize your children for life. Aside from loving them, I think the best thing for your children to see is that *you're* important, too. *Your* dreams matter. How many people never have the courage to go out on a limb? To do this?

Honestly, when I first started writing I thought that I had to constantly validate myself. (Particularly to my husband's family, whom were quite vocal about what should be my priorities.) You have no idea how much I would love to go back to the younger me who angsted over every snide comment and say, "Screw them! What the hell do they know, anyway?" Besides, success is the best form of revenge and I've been very, very thankful for that.

The point of all of this is that you matter, too! You are not taking away from your children and family by giving yourself a little time each day to do something that is important to you. Clearly you are a nurturer, but you need to nurture yourself as well. And you'll be a better *everything* for it.

Write with no guilt!

Playground Monitor said...

Some days, "Doubt" is my middle name. Other days it's "Procrastination." I had an old laptop with me this weekend (until I get the new keypad for the used AlphaSmart I got -- but that's another story) and managed not only to proof 100 pages for someone else, but to write 4 1/2 new ones for me! Of course, I don't have internet access at the campground and that helps a lot, even though it means I come home to 201 emails.

Angel, it's important to keep in mind that YOU matter too. And your children need to see that, otherwise they become self-centered brats. You're a great mom and the fact that you worry about it just shows that you care.

Kathy said...

Great work, Angel! Only now chiming in because I just got back from an all day Tennis tournament at Lee. I took my laptop with me but never got around to doing anything on it because I watched not only my kids but got hooked on watching other kids on the team play. It was great! Truly liberating! Especially since HG came home with the win! Yeah! Look for it in the Times tomorrow. My son may make photo/edit cut.


Angel said...

Awesome, Kathy! Congratulations.

I got the next scene started, then spent the rest of the day doing house stuff and promo stuff for HOD and phone calls and --you get the picture.

But it felt really good to get some writing accomplished. I forgot when I'm in editing mode how good it feels to actually write. It's like therapy (not that anyone could take your place, Shelley!). I'm not sure why. I just know that it kind of clears my head, energizes me, and helps take the worry away.

Hmm... I sense another blog topic in there. :)