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You know, for the most part I think I'm a pretty good mom. I try to put my kids first. I don't have a problem ferrying them around to their various activities. I occasionally let them get away with staying up late or eating candy right before bed but not usually. I make them do their homework. I talk to them when they're having problems at school. I'm involved and I think that's probably the most important part.But then there are incidences that just make you question everything. I left Baby Girl sobbing at school this morning. SOBBING. As in hiccups, crocodile tears, the whole nine yards.
I've taken a couple trips over the last month so have been gone for a few days here and there and I think that's where this is coming from. Baby Girl is a momma's girl. Always has been and always will be. Usually, she cries when I leave but she was very quick to tell me when I got home that she didn't cry at all while I was gone this time. Apparently she waited until I got home.
I do think I might have brought this on myself though. This morning I took her to the book fair before school started. We love the Llama, Llama books and they happened to have one - Llama, Llama Misses Momma. Yeah, might not have been the brightest moment when I pointed it out to her. The tears started a couple minutes later, about the time it took her to start thinking about missing me.
So, have you ever had those moments that make you question whether or not you really know how to raise your child/children? Please tell me I'm not alone with my guilt.
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12 comments:
I think you should write the Llama Llama author and tell her to come out with a Llama Llama is OK without Mama book. Daddy lets us eat cake for breakfast and considers the swimming pool an adequate substitute for bathing kind of book.
Or write your own children's book called "It's Okay Not to Miss Mommy When She's Gone."
Trust me -- all mothers have guilt. You just do the best you can and keep on going. I don't think anyone would ever doubt your devotion to your girls. It's good for you (and them) to get away once in a while. It gives them a chance to build independence and learn to cope on their own. And it's a chance to have cake for breakfast. ::grin::
There is a picture book called "My Mom Travels A Lot" by Caroline Feller Bauer. You can get it through Amazon.
When I was a Children's Librarian, I used to give to parents all the time for this problem. It's wonderful.
You are not alone sister. My son went to daycare starting when he was 6 weeks. When he was about 4, he started crying in the morning when I would leave him at daycare. Same daycare as always, no change...go figure. Not only is it good for them to build independence and cope on their own as PM said, it gives them more quality time with dad.
PS...I am so looking forward to seeing Kimberly (PC) and Lynn Raye Harris this Saturday in McCalla.
Hugs, Kira. I remember bawling when my mom was gone on a work trip, then clinging to her when she came back. I even managed to whip up a fever and some sickness to really layer on the guilt. :) I think she had to come home early from the trip, in fact. But I turned out just fine in the end. No permanent scarring. :)
Looking forward to seeing you too, Robertsonreads!
Kids are tougher than you think. This is good prep for when SHE goes off on trips. I remember feeling really, really guilty for going to visit my aunt, because I didn't miss my mom at all while I was so busy playing and getting spoiled, and when I thought about it I was sure she knew I hadn't missed her and it hurt her feelings. So I cried over that.
On second thought, kids are weird.
Guilt? I still get it and my son is 23. I chewed him out last week (he deserved it). Then I got to thinking about it (guilt) and texted him that I still loved him. Go figure...
Yes, Linda - kids are weird.
I guess you are not a good mom if you don't feel guilty about some things. I still hear from my 26 yr. old about me not letting her try out for cheerleading or signing up for a special musical concert. In my defense the logistics of getting her to all the practices at night were just impossible. I guess I should have figured something out (sigh).
Kids are just good at laying on the guilt. Don't get me wrong, I love them, but they are manipulative little buggers. Angel faces and all.
I've always pushed my kids to independence, which I think is a healthy trait, but there are moments when I wonder... Granted, my kids don't really miss me much. They say they will, then they hear that their grandmother will be taking care of them and the cheers start. :)
Angel
Oh, I question my fitness as a parent every single day.
Counselor Shelley swears that means I'm actually a pretty good parent. (Bad ones don't worry about it.)
Thanks y'all! I needed to hear all of this. :-) I actually took Baby Girl to her cheer practice by myself last night (Sweet Pea usually goes but she was at a function with Zilla). We then went to Walmart just the two of us, I bought her a couple presents (and Sweet Pea too) and then she read me the entire Llama, Llama book on the way home. We laughed because it really was about Llama being upset about going to school but in the end he realized school is fun too. It was actually the perfect book. She got some mommy time and we had a nice discussion about when mommy has to leave. I'm hoping to don't have anymore tears...at least I won't have to test it until April.
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