Yeah, so my birthday is coming up next Tuesday. It's not a big one...at least not one of the 0 or 5 ones I tend to dread for no good logical reason. It's just a birthday, but I'm really not looking forward to it. I'm tired of not just growing older but growing up. I wanna know who said I had to start acting my age?
I still shop in the teen section because their clothes are so much cuter than the ones in my own section. The problem is they aren't exactly cut for someone who's been through childbirth twice... Part of me realizes that I'm getting too old for this, that forty is around the corner and I do not want to be the woman everyone says dresses inappropriately for her stage in life. (Although, hey, I could consider it research since I'm working on a YA) But I'm just not ready to let go of my teenage/twenty-something years! They were fun. I was fun.
I'm not ready for my girls to get older either. I'm happy with them being cute, sweet, appreciative, polite 9 and 6 year olds. Me getting older means that the teenage years and endless months of rebellion, sulking and hormonal temper tantrums are right around the corner. I'm. Not. Ready! I'm not ready for the day they come home and want to spend time in their rooms with the doors closed instead of telling me about their day. I'm not ready for Zilla and I to become less and less important to their daily routine. Yes, I realize that's what's supposed to happen...I'm just not ready for it.
So, yeah, I have a birthday next week. It isn't a major one but apparently seems to be sending me into a tailspin none-the-less. I'm not sure what to do with that. It's surprising. I don't think I've ever had this response to a birthday. I've still got 6 years before 40 but I can suddenly see why so many people go through mid-life crises. If this feeling is going to get worse and worse for the next 6 years I'm going to end up jumping out of a plane (with a parachute of course) by the time 40 actually gets here just for that rush of adrenaline.
So, anyone else got a birthday coming up? Is it wigging you out or is it just me?