Friday, February 20, 2009

One Step at a Time

There are two things about my personality that are giving me fits right now.

1. I'm all about instant gratification. I won't lie. I want it now. Now, now, now! I'm like a 2-year-old that way, sometimes, although I try to keep it to myself for the part. I don't get that whole 'sweeter with time' stuff. The only thing that gets better with time is wine. I just get grumpier with time.

2. I don't like to fail. Failure is usually not an option for me. It's one of my greatest fears (up there with clowns, puppets and insects/aliens that burrow under your skin). If there's any question about my ability to succeed (aka. a burning desire to be a ballerina), I simply don't do it. I'm very competitive and I don't like getting spanked at something. That's why I stick primarily to mental activities and not physical ones. I'll take calculus over softball anyday.

On their own, these things are managable. Together, they make certain parts of my life - those that require time, hard work and dedication - very difficult. Primarily they hit me the hardest in two big areas - my writing and my weight.

I am in a constant struggle with both. I want to sell now. I want to write quickly and well, the words flowing like water. I want to come up with the next great idea immediately and have it go to auction. Yeah, I know. It will never happen. This is a sllllloooooowwww business. And a hard one. If not for the adamant voices in my head that insist I continue despite the speed and potential for failure, I would happily return to engineering or open a catering business and let all this go.

And of course, those pesky pounds that snuck up on me while I wasn't looking. I want to diet and see results. Immediately. I want the pill or the magic food combinations that will have me dropping 5 pounds a week so I can finish this and return to my regularly scheduled programming. Of course, it doesn't really work that way. Its another long, slow process that requires dedication and this terrible thing called a 'lifestyle change.' Bleh.

So this is where I am. I've been forced to battle both issues at a pace I cannot set. All I can do is go one day at a time. I've been writing maybe five pages a day during the week. Knocking out a couple chapters every two weeks or so. Slow, but discernible progress. When I look at how many pages I've done, I'm actually quite pleased. Same with the diet. I've been eating well, exercising more than I ever have, and I'm seeing results. Good results. Steady, positive movement down.

The speed is killing me, but I'm sticking with it because eventually I will get where I want to go. I'm the tortoise, baby, with the soul of a hare. What are you impatient for? Are you battling with anything lately?


The winner from last week's post is Laurie. She picked up an autographed copy of Blazing Bedtime Stories, featuring Rhonda Nelson. Email me at with your snail mail info. Items not claimed after 7 days will be given away, or maybe kept, depending on how I feel. How's that for a disclaimer??


Linda Winstead Jones said...

My friends tell me I'm impatient. I usually don't see it myself, but yeah, they're right. :-/ I think it's a cosmic test of some sort that I ended up in this business, which will soon teach you that nothing happens quickly.

I struggle with the weight thing, too. It's so blasted slow!

You'll get there, in both cases. Be a tortoise. I figure the hare suffers some pretty serious burnout. :-)


Problem Child said...

Control-freak, instant gratification... um are we talking about you or me? (and if I can learn not to fight the Universe, it is doable.)

Hares can burn out -- or even flame out in spectacular disasters.

Keep plugging SP. It'll happen.

Instigator said...

Patience - not my strong suit. I think we're all masochistic to want a career in a field that tests that part of our personality. I think maybe the universe enjoys laughing at my frustrated head-to-wall-banging sometimes. Honestly, the thing that gets me through is y'all. I depend on you guys to distract me when the urge to beat my forehead to a bloody pulp sets in. You all are my sanity. :-)


Playground Monitor said...

I've gained some patience with years, but just because I'm not showing it on the outside doesn't mean I'm not feeling it on the inside. Right now I'm getting very impatient with the company I called 3 weeks ago about my non-functioning gas fireplace logs. They keep promising to call me "tomorrow" to schedule a repair date. They told me that on Wednesday but they never called yesterday. I just called again and got another promise. Problem is, I don't know who else to call. This is the company that installed them.

I have the weight thing going too. Nuff said.

Kathy said...

Life, nuff said. ;)

It sure is good to know that someone else feels the need to bang said head against a very unforgiving wall...

Sherry Werth said...

I'm impatient, unorganized, have weight issues and a fear of failure..all of this plus a blistering case of procrastinationitis. (It's a word-just ask me) :)

I'm neither the tortoise or the hare. I can't seem to get out of my own way to enter the race. So.. when do we have that head-banging party? :D

Verification word: trimete
Is blogger trying to tell me something???

Angel said...

I'm definitely in the "I want to see results right now" class. I think that's why I struggle so much to lose weight. I give up really easy when I don't see results.

I've been exercising consistently since last November and I haven't lost any weight. Great. Shoot me now...


Kathy said...

I'll get my camera out, Angel, and shoot as many pictures of you as you want. :P

word verif: gonlityl

Believe it in your heart. Weez all 'gone little.'

Christine said...

I never pray for patience, as it is immediately tested.

I never diet, as it is that one day that I am tempted by the "what I can't haves."

I just busted my buns to complete a book in a week. 60,000 plus words--most of which I will say are "fixable."

Are they sellable? In that we are in agreement--it's a crazy hard business and the only thing that keeps me chasing the rabbit is the voices in my head. The people who have stories I desperately want to tell.

And they won't quit nagging me.

Angel said...

Kathy, don't make me break your camera!!!! ;)


Kathy said...

Bring it on, Angel! My camera can take it!! ;P

Anonymous said...

Keep plugging in there Angel. I'm fairly patience but when I lose it, it's not pretty. I'm wanting to sell my home so that I can move on with my life and move closer to my sisters & mom. Please, pretty please, it's been on the market since July 08. Hopefully with spring coming on, stimulus check, income tax refund it will sell soon!!!
ps.---off topic--- when to the doctor yesterday, fluid on the ears(both), sinus infection, cough, blah, blah. That idiot gives me a prescription for a cough medicine not covered by insurance and is $135, that freak has lost his everloving mind. I asked for generic medicine if possible, but $135 for cough medicine that I cannot afford, he might as well have done us both a favor and not prescribed it. Sorry for the rant just frustrated.

Anonymous said...

wtg winer

Stephanie said...

Like many here I struggle with both weight and frustration at the slowness of the process. I don't have any words of wisdom but I will say that it helps me to know that I am not in the control freak, instant gratification room alone but with you guys!

Verification word:bulogic-which I know means the logic of a hare moving at the pace of a tortoise!