There are two things about my personality that are giving me fits right now.
1. I'm all about instant gratification. I won't lie. I want it now. Now, now, now! I'm like a 2-year-old that way, sometimes, although I try to keep it to myself for the part. I don't get that whole 'sweeter with time' stuff. The only thing that gets better with time is wine. I just get grumpier with time.
2. I don't like to fail. Failure is usually not an option for me. It's one of my greatest fears (up there with clowns, puppets and insects/aliens that burrow under your skin). If there's any question about my ability to succeed (aka. a burning desire to be a ballerina), I simply don't do it. I'm very competitive and I don't like getting spanked at something. That's why I stick primarily to mental activities and not physical ones. I'll take calculus over softball anyday.
On their own, these things are managable. Together, they make certain parts of my life - those that require time, hard work and dedication - very difficult. Primarily they hit me the hardest in two big areas - my writing and my weight.
I am in a constant struggle with both. I want to sell now. I want to write quickly and well, the words flowing like water. I want to come up with the next great idea immediately and have it go to auction. Yeah, I know. It will never happen. This is a sllllloooooowwww business. And a hard one. If not for the adamant voices in my head that insist I continue despite the speed and potential for failure, I would happily return to engineering or open a catering business and let all this go.
And of course, those pesky pounds that snuck up on me while I wasn't looking. I want to diet and see results. Immediately. I want the pill or the magic food combinations that will have me dropping 5 pounds a week so I can finish this and return to my regularly scheduled programming. Of course, it doesn't really work that way. Its another long, slow process that requires dedication and this terrible thing called a 'lifestyle change.' Bleh.
So this is where I am. I've been forced to battle both issues at a pace I cannot set. All I can do is go one day at a time. I've been writing maybe five pages a day during the week. Knocking out a couple chapters every two weeks or so. Slow, but discernible progress. When I look at how many pages I've done, I'm actually quite pleased. Same with the diet. I've been eating well, exercising more than I ever have, and I'm seeing results. Good results. Steady, positive movement down.
The speed is killing me, but I'm sticking with it because eventually I will get where I want to go. I'm the tortoise, baby, with the soul of a hare. What are you impatient for? Are you battling with anything lately?
The winner from last week's post is Laurie. She picked up an autographed copy of Blazing Bedtime Stories, featuring Rhonda Nelson. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your snail mail info. Items not claimed after 7 days will be given away, or maybe kept, depending on how I feel. How's that for a disclaimer??