Let's Mention Unmentionables

Nothing lasts forever (except maybe Tupperware and that pair of shoes you absolutely hate) and so it is with underwear, namely mine. I've found myself in need of new undies and hit the store to buy new ones.

Buying underwear is almost as complicated as buying a new car and picking out wallpaper. At least there are no pushy salesmen and not quite as many different selections as with wallpaper. But as I discovered on my recent shopping trip, it's not as easy as it used to be. When I was growing up, most every woman wore the same thing -- ladies briefs AKA granny panties.

But now there is an assortment of styles and they're all pretty much based around how much of your rear they cover. The chart below gives you an overview of the various styles on the market today.



While I AM a grandmother, I'm not ready for granny panties yet, so I perused some of the other styles, and here they are in a sort of descending order of butt coverage.

The hi-cut brief is exactly what its name implies -- a brief with higher cut leg openings. It's a little less old-looking than briefs, but not much.



Then we have the low-rise brief, again pretty much what its name indicates.



I got a bit confused, though, when I looked at hipsters because I'm not quite sure of the difference between a hipster and a low-rise brief.



Further down the butt-coverage scale is the bikini. And even within this style there is the standard bikini, tghe string bikini and the dip-front bikini. Who thought there'd ever be sub-genres of underwear.



And last, and certainly least, is the thong, or as Larry the Cable Guy calls it, "butt floss."



Then there's this style that seems to incorporate a more masculine styling -- the boy short.



Once you decide on a style, you have to deal with the fabric (cotton, nylon, silk, satin, microfiber), color and whether they are solid or patterned. The day of plain white panties seems to have disappeared. Bright colors and wild patterns abound. The undies display at Victoria's Secret is a veritable rainbow of hues and designs, and just like selecting wallpaper, once you think you've found what you want, you spot a pair on another table that seems a little prettier. And since you can't try on panties, sometimes your purchase is a real gamble.

It actually took me about a week to re-stock my underwear drawer and I ended up with a combination of styles, colors and fabrics to suit different articles of clothing. I won't tell you exactly what I bought, but I will tell you that drawer contains no thongs or boy shorts.

I won't go so far as to ask y'all what sort of underwear you wear (of course, if you want to volunteer the information, I won't stop you), but I will ask this: Do you get as frustrated as I do shopping for them? Do you prefer any particular fabric? Do you like solids or patterns?

When I was researching underwear, I saw this quote and loved it:

I don't believe in the after life, although I'm bringing a change of underwear. -- Woody Allen

And don't get me started on the apparent disappearance of the woman's full-length slip. I found some in a large department store, but good gracious alive, they cost as much as the dress I wanted to wear it under. And all us Southern girls know you're supposed to wear a slip under a skirt or dress to prevent unsightly show-through if the light catches you the wrong way. Anyone remember the fuss over this photo?

P.S. The Free Book Friday winner from last week is Rebekah. Please email Smarty Pants to arrange for your prize.

A rant, a PSA, and unsexy pirates

As you know, I have Google Alerts set up for my name and the titles of my books. These let me know when someone has kindly (or not-so-kindly) reviewed my book or mentioned me on a blog. I like to go check them out, and when appropriate, leave a comment to let them know I appreciate the plug for me or my books.

Unfortunately, like many authors, many of the Google Alerts I get are for illegal downloads of my books.

Pirate sites: the bane of anyone who has intellectual property they’d like to remain control of.

Some folks have objected to the use of the word “pirate,” as it brings up romanticized notions of Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, but “pirate” really refers more to the mangy, unwashed thieves of olden days. No offense to my fellow romance authors who write lovely books about sexy pirates, but outside of Romancelandia, pirates aren’t in the least bit sexy or exciting.

Now, I’m not accusing any of our Honorary Playfriends of participating in piracy and theft of intellectual property. I assume that if you’re here, hanging out on author blogs, you appreciate that authors – like everyone else – like to be paid for the work they do. After all, they, too, have mortgages, kids who need braces, power bills… and the books they write are how they pay for those things.

Consider this more of a rant and a helpful argument you can use the next time you hear someone talking about how great it is that so much stuff is available for free out there on the internet.

Many pirates are proud of what they’re doing. They ignore take-down notices and brag about their thievery. Some will argue that they’re doing the authors a favor – suggesting that they’re advertising for the authors. Very few are repentant when the law is pointed out to them. Some assume that authors are rich and therefore aren’t hurt by the loss of sales (but some pirates do get a kick out of the possibility that the author might be!). I’ve seen some stunning – yet tragically flawed – arguments that intellectual property doesn’t have the right to protection.

The cold fact is that piracy does hurt authors. It hurts their bottom line as they aren’t getting a royalty off a pirated book. It also hurts them when the pirates cut so deeply into sales that the publisher decides not to invest money in the author’s next book. This hurts readers, too – if publishers don’t offer new contracts to authors or authors can’t pay their bills off their writing, then that’s fewer books from that author for the reader to enjoy.

Some ISPs are very responsive – shutting down the site entirely. Some legitimate file-sharing sites will quickly pull down illegally uploaded material. Others don’t care. I could spend days doing nothing but sending take-down notices, but that’s time taken away from my writing and is often as productive as banging my head against a wall.

(And yes, I dream of uploading some kind of horrible virus to every pirate site, but did you know creating viruses and setting them loose is illegal too? ~sigh~)

But one thing I have learned is that some readers don’t *know* that they’re not getting a legitimate copy. After all, publishers do give away free books and there are many sources for buying ebooks online. And with everyone’s pocketbook feeling the pinch these days, a cheap copy of a favorite author’s book is tempting. But how do you know if you’re unwittingly supporting pirates? A quick checklist:

1) Yes, publishers do often give away free downloads. 99.9 percent of the time, this will happen on one of their websites. And it will not be every author and every book they publish.

2) A big or very popular blog may also have the occasional giveaway. The author herself may have free copies to give away. The chances of some random blogger being the portal for publisher-approved free downloads are very, very slim. If they do have free copies provided by the publisher, those copies will be limited in number. The file won’t just be on their site available for download by anyone who comes along, and they won’t just randomly send it to you because you ask. Any site that has hundreds of titles from multiple publishers listed for free, immediate, and unlimited download is an illegal site.

3) * Anyone who says they’ll send you the book on a disk is a pirate. All legitimate e-book retailers do business through downloads. Period.

4) * Anyone who is selling ebooks through eBay is a pirate. Unlike paperbacks, there is no “used” market for ebooks.

*This only applies to titles that were published through your standard publishers (like Harlequin, Pocket, etc). Yes, there are some authors out there who have written and self-published their own titles and are selling them in various ways – including on disk. But trust me when I tell you Harlequin has not moved to letting just anyone on eBay be an official retailer of their books.

One eBay seller claimed to have purchased the rights to resell the books they’d listed. Either the seller was lying or they’d been had. Publishers still get their cut from the ebooks sold on legit sites, and there are multiple hoops and contracts and such that those online retailers deal with to be a distributor of the books. The right to sell copyrighted material on behalf of the publisher is not a quick-and-easy one-time form. Legit online retailers still have to pay the publisher and report sales – otherwise, how does the author get paid?

And here’s the kicker: It’s not only illegal to upload copyrighted materials to the internet for free distribution, it’s illegal to download them as well. Remember when the RIAA went after grandmothers and high school students and slapped them with fines for downloading illegal content? The pirates are guilty, but those who download from pirate sites are just as guilty – even if they didn’t know the site was a pirate site. It’s the digital equivalent of receiving stolen goods.

There are some things you – as a lover of books – can do to help the piracy problem.

If you find an author’s books available for free (or really impossibly cheap) downloading, email the link to the author or the publisher. They’ll thank you for it. If it’s a pirate site, the author and the publisher can file the appropriate paperwork with the ISP, the site owner, and the FBI. If the site’s legit, no harm has been – or will be – done. On sites like eBay or blogs run through Blogspot, you can report them yourself. (Be a crusader!! But still send us the link.)

Don’t let your kids download copyrighted material. If your friends/relatives/coworkers brag about how they found this great site with all kinds of free books and movies and software, call them on it. Remind them that online theft of intellectual property is no different than shoving a book or a CD down your pants and sneaking out of the store. (Since files are such intangible things, people don’t necessarily make that connection for some reason.)

Piracy isn’t a victimless crime, nor is it one that never gets prosecuted. And while the uploaders can get fined and/or jail time, and the downloaders normally get fined, I’d really like to see us put the Pirate attitude back in piracy. Keel-hauling sounds pretty good, doncha think?

(And yes, I do know that there are scant few people out there who can say they’ve never participated in any kind of piracy. Who hasn’t burned a CD for a friend? Or made a mix tape for a boyfriend back in 1985? It’s all illegal, but it’s the scope and frequency that the internet allows that really chaps my butt.)

So, putting any past sins (like that mix tape) aside, who do you think is more guilty: the pirates who upload or the folks who download? Does it come down to supply vs. demand?

PC

~Don't forget that debut author Melanie Dickerson will be here tomorrow!~

Defying Gravity

I posted on my Facebook profile not too long ago that I was going to try defying gravity. Based on the responses I got, none of my friends are Broadway fans. Or Glee fans, for that matter. I think they had images of me trying to jump off my roof and fly or something.

Its actually a reference to a song from the musical Wicked. Elphaba, later known to be the Wicked Witch of the West, has turned against the corrupt Wizard and her friend Glinda is trying to talk her into apologizing and getting back in his good graces, but she refuses. She asks Glinda to come with her, but Glinda thinks Elphaba is delusional to go against the Wizard and can't support her decision.

What, you might ask, does this have to do with anything? Uh... well... the song Elphaba sings - Defying Gravity - was used in a recent episode of Glee. I found the song to be particularly poignant at this point in my career. Like Angel, the last two years have had the highest highs and the lowest lows. Frustrations. Dead ends. Opportunities have slipped through my fingers so many times that I've gotten down about the idea it will ever happen. For a while, I stopped writing. It's been about two months since I put a significant amount of words to the page. I was clipping along in NaNo quite well, then found out my proposal had been passed along to someone else. I hit a point where I realized I didn't know what kind of book I was writing anymore. Should I up the suspense? Darken the paranormal atmosphere? Add some sultry love scenes? It all depends on where I land, if I land at all. I got confused, discouraged, then decided to just set it aside.

I should be happy that I haven't been outright rejected, but at the same time I feel like a literary hot potato. I can't write without direction and at this point, I don't know where I'm going. And before the well-meaning encourage me to write what I want to write and not worry about where it will end up, I want to mention I've got a hard drive full of wonderful books I wanted to write that are miserably homeless. That advice is great, I think, for new authors who are trying to forge their voice and get tripped up in the mysterious writing rules. I'm past that. I can write a book. A decent one, too, but I'm at a point where the business side is what I'm struggling with. They're great stories, but completely unmarketable. I don't fit in the tidy little box. Neither do all these great popular authors, you say. That's good for them. But I'm willing to bet that ten years ago when they crossed the chasm to being published authors, they played the game. They wrote something safe and built up to writing their current style. Neither editors or agents are willing to take on a risk like me in this crappy market.

So I kept trying to think of a story that fits in this neat area that editors are looking for with their untried authors. I help the others plot 'normal' books without a problem, but when I tried to come up with my own... nothing. I mean, seriously nothing. I have an invite to submit to a line that is actively acquiring and selling well and I couldn't come up with an elevator pitch, much less fifty thousand words. My brain is worn down. The most inspired idea I've had in the last six months has involved a heroine afraid of condiments and a hero detective posing as a hot dog vendor. Oh, or the ventriloquist with the kidnapped dummy. Like I said, outside the box. Hell, I can't even see the box from here. Unmarketable. Unpublishable. Almost eight years of trying and nine books later, I'd ridden on the edge so long I've got a bitch of a papercut.

Might be the wrong choice not to write, but that's where my head has been. I chose not to get kicked in the head by my dreams on a daily basis. At least until I get kicked hard enough that I forget about the aggravation and try again.

So, then I heard this song be performed on Glee. It's a beautiful song. It's inspiring. Making your own rules, living without limits, aiming for the impossible. It struck a chord with me and I ran out and bought the Glee soundtrack. I'm afraid the singer of this song is braver than I am, but hoped if I sang it enough, it might boost me up to head back into battle. Its been about two weeks so far, and although not a full recovery, I have to say I'm feeling better. I have two plots in my head that are close enough to normal for an editor's taste. I think I might be ready to try defying gravity once again.

DEFYING GRAVITY by Stephen Schwartz
Something has changed within me, something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change but till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love it comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you won't bring me down.

Any Glee or Wicked fans out there? Got any uplifting songs to perk you up when you're feeling down?
SP

P.S. In more uplifting news, Angel is hosting a Q&A session over on the Ruby Slippered Sisterhood today. If you are a writer, stop by and talk about the writing and publishing world with her and her fellow Golden Heart finalists!

PPS: PC here with a winner to announce. JANE! You stumped me with your characters. Send me your snail mail addy (Problemchild@writingplayground.com)

One Step at a Time

There are two things about my personality that are giving me fits right now.

1. I'm all about instant gratification. I won't lie. I want it now. Now, now, now! I'm like a 2-year-old that way, sometimes, although I try to keep it to myself for the part. I don't get that whole 'sweeter with time' stuff. The only thing that gets better with time is wine. I just get grumpier with time.

2. I don't like to fail. Failure is usually not an option for me. It's one of my greatest fears (up there with clowns, puppets and insects/aliens that burrow under your skin). If there's any question about my ability to succeed (aka. a burning desire to be a ballerina), I simply don't do it. I'm very competitive and I don't like getting spanked at something. That's why I stick primarily to mental activities and not physical ones. I'll take calculus over softball anyday.

On their own, these things are managable. Together, they make certain parts of my life - those that require time, hard work and dedication - very difficult. Primarily they hit me the hardest in two big areas - my writing and my weight.

I am in a constant struggle with both. I want to sell now. I want to write quickly and well, the words flowing like water. I want to come up with the next great idea immediately and have it go to auction. Yeah, I know. It will never happen. This is a sllllloooooowwww business. And a hard one. If not for the adamant voices in my head that insist I continue despite the speed and potential for failure, I would happily return to engineering or open a catering business and let all this go.

And of course, those pesky pounds that snuck up on me while I wasn't looking. I want to diet and see results. Immediately. I want the pill or the magic food combinations that will have me dropping 5 pounds a week so I can finish this and return to my regularly scheduled programming. Of course, it doesn't really work that way. Its another long, slow process that requires dedication and this terrible thing called a 'lifestyle change.' Bleh.

So this is where I am. I've been forced to battle both issues at a pace I cannot set. All I can do is go one day at a time. I've been writing maybe five pages a day during the week. Knocking out a couple chapters every two weeks or so. Slow, but discernible progress. When I look at how many pages I've done, I'm actually quite pleased. Same with the diet. I've been eating well, exercising more than I ever have, and I'm seeing results. Good results. Steady, positive movement down.

The speed is killing me, but I'm sticking with it because eventually I will get where I want to go. I'm the tortoise, baby, with the soul of a hare. What are you impatient for? Are you battling with anything lately?

SP

The winner from last week's post is Laurie. She picked up an autographed copy of Blazing Bedtime Stories, featuring Rhonda Nelson. Email me at smartypants@writingplayground.com with your snail mail info. Items not claimed after 7 days will be given away, or maybe kept, depending on how I feel. How's that for a disclaimer??

Guest Blogger: Sherry Werth

One lucky commenter will be chosen to win a Keep Angel Company prize. All winners will be announced on Saturday, so don’t forget to check back in! And click on the Barbara Vey link in the sidebar to check out some RWA-San Francisco happenings. Yesterday she posted a picture of the Mavens!

Today I’m proud to welcome a fellow Heart of Dixie chapter member who all the Playfriends have enjoyed getting to know. She’s seems quiet at first, until you loosen her up. :) And she’s always willing to lend a helping hand. We like that. So give a big welcome to our friend, Sherry Werth.



Pushing Past Procrastination

Could it be possible to be this stuck? My procrastination has hit an all time high at this point.

Oh, maybe I should introduce myself. Hi, my name is Sherry and I am a procrastinator. And at this very moment I am wondering who or what alien being invaded my body and responded in a voluntary affirmative manner to do this guest blog. What ever made me think I could fill a pair of Playfriend shoes for one day while they are away having a wonderful time in San Francisco? All I can think about right now is hiding under the couch. I have finally lost it.

So, here I sit staring at this stupid little blinking cursor and cursing. See, cursor – cursing, it looks like it belongs in the same word family. I’ve had a week to get this together but as usual I wait until the last minute to ‘Get er’ done’. Oh Lord, I’m starting to talk like Larry the Cable Guy. Next I’ll be cutting the sleeves out of all my shirts! I knew this was a bad idea.

I could blame my lack of productivity on starting a new job this week. Between the information overload from that and the expected nightly feeding frenzy of my family, time just got away from me. Or I could fault past generations for blessing me with the blasted procrastination gene. Procrastinate. Who invented the stupid word anyway? More than likely some idiot like me trying to do something they know nothing about and with the expediency of a slug. Come to think of it, slugs move faster than my fingers on this keyboard. Slugs are such nasty little creatures, don’t you think?

A muse, that’s it. I need to call in the powers of a muse. I wonder if you can buy one on EBay? I would like mine to be tall, dark and handsome or tall, blond and brawny. I’m not picky. Just like one of those guys on the covers of Blaze. Where do they find those guys anyway? You just don’t see men like that walking around in WalMart. Oh yeah, I need to make a WalMart list. We are out of toilet tissue and Diet Coke. Can’t live without either one of those.

Ok, time to settle down and turn something in. They say to write about what you know. Right now I don’t know squat. And who are ‘they’? You always hear people saying ‘they said this’ or ‘they said that’. Is it group of people of just a few? Is it like the group that follows the guy around in the cell phone commercial? Would they be considered a ‘they’? And speaking of cell phones, I need to program my new one. Only I will have to read the book first to figure out how and I don’t know where I left my reading glasses. Reading glasses…that hurts my feelings. Makes me feel old. Maybe if I get some really cool looking ones it will make me feel better about it. Put that on the WalMart list.

Whoops! Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. But that’s how my life goes. One thing just seems to lead to another and another. I want to stop this merry go round and get off.

So, are you a procrastinator like me or a go-getter that I want to become? How do you push past procrastination to get things accomplished? Do you jump in with both feet and 'Just Do it' to overcome the avoidance issues? Are there time management tools you have incorporated into your lifestyle that assist you in being more organized? Do you set goals for yourself with a time frame to achieve them? I am open for suggestions!

Sherry

Sherry Werth makes her home in northern Alabama with her husband, two beautiful children and two very lazy dogs. Her life revolves around taking care of her family, working full time and squeezing in a bit of time for herself to pursue her dream of a writing career in romance.

It's Over!

I apologize in advance, but this entire blog is going to be about food. It has been the focus of my obsession for the last two weeks.

The 11 day diet is over at last. Hallelujah. I can hardly believe I made it. I made it through 11 days of funky food combinations and without a stitch - not one lick - of chocolate the entire time. (Tragic, I know.)Were I not leaving town for Nationals Tuesday, I'd probably start this torture, I mean diet, over again on Monday. I mean, for all the griping, I did lose a good bit of weight in 11 days. That's better than I've done on other diets. I'm sure more than a few will return after the free weekend and vacation time, but I'm okay with that.

Now begins the 3 days we get "off." You're deliberately supposed to eat higher calories these days to trick your metabolism, then start the diet over again on Monday. Since I'm going to take more time off, I am going to aim for a happy medium - basically good eating with some treats woven in for good measure. Sadly, whole wheat bread and granola bars are now considered treats. :)

To celebrate today, I will be going to the Krispy Kreme. A coworker brought a box of them in last week, when I couldn't eat them. He's lucky to still be alive. Anyway, I didn't eat them, I was good, but I promised myself one hot one off the conveyor belt this weekend when I was on my free days. I'm not going hog wild and eating a dozen, as much as I'd like to, but 1 as a reward. Maybe 2. I also forsee my favorite, pizza, slipping its way in. There will be no mention of tuna salad or peanuts for the next two weeks.

Once I get to San Francisco, I will eat my catered food, including dessert. I will drink margaritas in the bar with the other writers. I will eat the chocolate in my goodie bag. I will enjoy the wonderful sourdough bread and seafood that the area has to offer.

Then I'll come back and try this again. I sort of look at these two weeks as me losing the weight I'd gain on vacation before I left.

What are you treating yourself to this weekend?
SP

(Don't forget - Monday kicks off our special week where we turn the blog over to our readers! Be sure to keep Angel company while we're away!)

Isolation Madness

There are times when I love my computer. Now is not one of them.

A week ago Sunday I woke up to find my computer not functioning properly. Even though it wasn't the blue screen of death, it wasn't much better. It wouldn't move past the opening screen, which froze no matter what I did to it. PC's hubby came out to pronounce last rites over my mother board later that night. I've been in mourning ever since.

I was able to borrow a laptop for a few days, which allowed me to check my email and finish up the few clients I still had open files on. Even then, the tedious process through which I had to check my email and the blog was frustrating, and left me feeling out of the loop. Replying to emails was even worse.

As an aside: I don't see how you laptop people type with that touchpad right where your palms are supposed to rest. I was constantly brushing against it, changing the screen, closing stuff, and twice losing emails I was typing. Don't care for that at all.

Luckily, I spent the weekend with the Playfriends and had a RWA chapter meeting this past weekend, or I just might have slipped into isolation madness. Even though I'm an introvert, I'm still moderately subject to it. You know what I mean. The paranoia that slips in when everyone else is talking and you aren't in on the conversation. Are they having fun without me? What did I miss? Are they bonding? Will I be left out... or behind? and the dreaded Have I done something to offend someone? Is that why they aren't answering?

Yes, isolation madness is not a pretty sight. I managed to hold it off with quite a few phone calls (I know people had to be groaning when my number showed up on caller ID), a late night Starbucks run with PC, and our weekend activities. Unfortunately, this just gave me a brief glimpse of how lonely I'll be while the rest of the Playground is at Nationals this July and too busy to be constantly on the computer with me. Sigh... Note to self: schedule some activities for that week.

Back to the computer issues: We ordered a new tower, which should be arriving tomorrow. Fingers crossed. Even the hubby is getting antsy by now, despite the fact that he owns an iPhone. Please pray the computer gods will look kindly on our affliction and speed up the shipping process. ;)

What's your latest computer snafu? What obsessive thoughts run through your brain when isolation madness sets in?

Angel

PS Instigator and Problem Child are making a guest appearance on http://www.dustedbywhimsy.blogspot.com/ today, or rather, their feet are. Check out their special First Sale shoes when you drop in. Thanks to Michele Hauf for inviting them to come play!

Rabbits 16, PM 0

It’s spring. After a long, cold winter I’ve been eager to get outdoors and dig in the dirt. I have lots of perennials so that I don’t have to replant every bed every year. But the landscape designer left me a few areas for “annual color.” So each spring I trek to Lowe’s, buy whatever strikes my fancy and play in the dirt for an afternoon.

A few weeks ago I decided the danger of frost was over and made the trek. I purchased nine small pots of purple fan flowers and a sweet basil plant. Six fan flowers went at the end of the driveway and three went in the backyard. I planted the basil where I used to plant tomatoes since I’ve given up the idea of raising tomatoes after two miserably failed attempts. My subdivision used to be a cotton field and despite tilling in peat moss, my tomatoes bore little fruit and what it did bear was tasteless.

The next morning I went out to check on my plants and discovered the fan flowers in the back and the basil plant had been eaten off level with the ground.


Wabbits! Wascally wabbits!

I’ve not had a rabbit problem before because I had a cat. But we had to get rid of our last cat around Thanksgiving and I’ve vowed not to get another one. I have no patience for kitten antics, and I’m afraid if I adopt an adult cat and move it to our house, I’ll end up with the same move-induced behavior problems I had with our old cat.

So what’s a gardener to do?

I hit the internet and researched the issue. I purchased a bottle of eco-friendly animal repellent and sprinkled it around the twelve new verbenas I planted to replace the fan flowers (they were cheaper) and the new basil plant, which has a cut-down milk jug around it for protection. The next morning, the verbenas showed signs of nibbling. I researched some more and purchased a large plastic owl, which I placed right in the middle of the verbenas. The owl is a natural predator and a plastic one is supposed to scare away rodents. The next morning the verbenas were chewed even more. Apparently I have very brave rabbits.

That afternoon I returned the eco-friendly repellent and plastic owl to the store and demanded a refund. I researched some more and pulled out my cauldron to concoct a homemade repellent of onions, garlic and cayenne pepper. I sprayed the verbenas heavily and waited.

Next morning, the verbena plants were level with the ground. The rabbits are not only brave, but they like their food heavily seasoned.

I escalated the conflict and visited the feed store Monday morning to purchase two rabbit traps. I figure we’ll trap them and relocate them waaaay out in the country. I know we have at least three rabbits because I’ve seen a baby. That means we must have a mama and a daddy too.

I baited the traps on Monday with carrots, broccoli and banana, and I set them in areas where I’ve seen the rabbit hanging out. Yesterday morning one trap’s bait had been nibbled upon, but the trap hadn’t sprung. The DH told me he'd seen the rascals frolicking around the trap, "doing what rabbits do." What gall!

Not only did they not spring the trap, they're copulating in public and conspiring to increase their numbers. I added apple slices to each trap and as I write this I’m still waiting for the wascally critters to get hungry for those juicy Granny Smiths and wander into the traps. Late yesterday afternoon I watched one hop close to one of the traps, nibble at the birdseed I'd sprinkled near the entrance, then turn and stare at me as I played voyeur with my binoculars. I sure hope my neighbors didn't think I was watching her give him a haircut on their back porch.

On the up side, one of my birdhouses has five house swallow eggs in it. The other birdhouse has already been home to a brood of baby bluebirds. The killdeer are back and I discovered a nest with four eggs Monday afternoon. My birdfeeders are a social gathering spot for the neighborhood birds. The redheaded woodpecker that nests in the trees at the end of the street visits my feeders daily. The hanging birdbath outside my kitchen window is a favorite with the house finches.

I’m encouraging animal repopulation on the one hand, and contemplating a gun purchase on the other. If the traps don’t work, I don’t know what I’ll do because rabbits breed like well… rabbits. And we could be overrun by cottontails if something isn’t done.

So to date I’ve lost sixteen plants – three fan flowers, twelve verbenas and a sweet basil.




Any suggestions? Trapping tips? Want a bunny?