Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed

Well, the Darling Geek has run off to make his fortunes in the big city, leaving his sick wife alone with his sick child.

Okay, so he’s in Red Bank, New Jersey, on a business trip, I just have a sore throat and AC is on the mend now. It just sounds far more interesting when said the other way.

TANGENT: Hyperbole really is a writer’s best friend. Any story can be interesting if you tell it the right way. Isn’t that what fiction is all about? You take a grain of truth and make it a lot more interesting…

Anyway, I’m sleeping alone this week, and it’s really bugging me. The bed feels weird without DG on his side, sweating and snoring and producing large amounts of body heat. Taking my half of the bed diagonally across the middle was fun for the first fifteen minutes or so, but the novelty has worn off now.

It’s very weird. Until I met DG, I could never sleep with someone touching me. I was very territorial—definitely a “Cross The Line and You’ll Lose A Body Part” kind of sleeper. There was a time for snuggling and a time for sleeping, and there would be no confusing of the two.

At least not a second time. ~grin~

Nine hundred years of marriage has changed everything. I can actually fall asleep with him sprawled on top of me. (It’s not my favorite thing, but it’s doable. I far prefer the back-to-back snuggle to a spoon or a sprawl, but we sacrifice for those we love.)

But I’ve only compromised on the touching thing. There are still rules that must never be broken, or else DG will have an elbow in his ribcage:

Rule 1: Don’t breathe on me. EVER. My skin crawls just thinking about it.

Rule 2: Don’t block my face where I end up breathing on myself or breathing recycled air.

Rule 3: If you’re gonna sweat, do it on your side of the bed. Sweaty skin should never touch mine while I’m trying to sleep. And for the love of dog, don’t get all sweaty and then come sprawl on top of me. That’s just gross. (Sweat-slicked skin has a time and a place. See any romance novel for where. Notice how at no time does any author have a sweaty male sleeping on top of me.)

Three simple rules and we get a good night’s sleep. (Sleeping with the Amazing Child has additional rules, including Don’t Bring That Damned Weasel In Here, but breathing and sweating are non-negotiable.)

I can’t be the only one with sleep rules. What are yours?


~~Hurry home, DG. The bed’s too big without you.~~


Maven Linda said...

Don't. Touch. My. Pillow.


Don't snore in my direction, either.


Playground Monitor said...

I've been sleeping single in a queen bed ever since my surgery because I have to sleep with my foot elevated and I have two pillows and a wedge to accomplish this. Wouldn't be so great for the DH to contend with all my paraphernalia, not to mention a real fear of him kicking my foot during the night.

Otherwise, I don't like being breathed on, either. And please don't pull off my covers. And don't snore. Please don't snore. I have enough trouble sleeping with my restless legs, if you snore it really messes me up.

Hope you make it through the week without DG okay. I'm sure you will.


Playground Monitor said...

LOL! So it's okay if they snore in the other direction?

Angel said...

I have the breath on me one too. Can't stand it! Makes me feel like I'm suffocating.

I also can't cover my head, for the same reason. Under any circumstances.

Hubby and I usually do the back to back sleeping. We each have our own set of blankets, because he's a big guy and one just really doesn't cover us comfortably. Us and all our pillows. :)


Smarty Pants said...

I'm a - once the fun is over and its time to sleep get the hell away from me - kind of girl. This usually isn't an issue though because DB and I usually aren't in bed at the same time. I sleep alone 95% of the time because he works nights. Even when he didn't, he was a night owl and he'd come to bed at 3 or 4 AM.

This works out for us though because I am pretty active in my sleep and the slightest thing wakes him up, so we're really incompatible. I don't know why my arguing with imaginary people bothers him so much...

Problem Child said...

After posting this last night, a big thunderstorm came through, and AC ended up in my bed around 2:15. First thing she did was snuggle up and breathe on me.

But how do you tell your kid "sorry you're scared, but get OFF me"?

Rhonda Nelson said...

Ditto all of the above. Don't breath on me and don't touch me after I've fallen asleep. Hate it.

Kathy said...

As long as I don't hear DH snoring before I go to sleep, I'm good. And I need covers over my neck. That's it!

When I'm visiting sleepland, I'm there until the clock chimes for me to wake up. I've always been a deep sleeper. Slept through earthquakes as a kid in Japan. :-)

Instigator said...

I have a thing about pillows. I must have 3. Last night Sweet Pea came in and STOLE my pillow! I found it in her bed this morning. I have no idea how she managed that without me knowing. She did say it helped her fall back asleep because apparently she came into my bedroom scared and all I did was grunt at her. Bad Mommy.

Oh and yeah, don't breathe on me!


Maven Linda said...

It's not exactly okay to snore in the other direction, PM, but it doesn't make me homicidal. No snoring is best. Snoring AT me calls for retaliation.

BTW, have you tried folding a heavy blanket and putting it over your legs at night? My sister-in-law says it really helps her.

Lynn Raye Harris said...

Aw, I know how you feel sleeping alone. If my hubby stays up late, I can't sleep until he comes to bed. I try, but can't. If he's gone on business, really not fun. :(

Don't breathe on me is a good one. Don't snore would be lovely, but it typically doesn't work out that way. I have to nudge him or yank his pillow from time to time. Leave my covers alone. Do not pile all the covers on top of me because you're hot. Now I'm gonna be hot too!

Cuddling is fine when we first get to bed, but go to your own side when it's time to sleep. Sleeping and cuddling do not go together. Back to back is fine.

Maven LJ said...

1 - Don't sweat on me.
2 - If you MUST snore, face the other direction. There's something about that buzz saw directly in my ear . . .
3 - Lay your head on your own darn pillow and leave mine alone.

Those are the important rules, those that must not be broken. Not that I'm the perfect sleeping partner. I once had a dream where my husband had a girlfriend, and when I woke up (in the middle of the night) I grabbed a shoe off the floor (it was the closest and most logican weapon) and hit him with it. Made sense at the time.


Jen said...

First, I'm dying to know how DG sprawls atop you to sleep WITHOUT breathing on you. That man's limber.

Rules of Sleeping with Jen:

1. Don't touch me.
2. Don't breathe on me.
3. Sleep facing the other direction to keep any breathing, snoring and/or drooling off my pillow/self.

My husband frequently whines over all of the above. He wants to cuddle. Maybe his next wife.

And note: All rules go out the window if it's Girl.

catslady said...

Oh the snoring. I try to go to sleep first but he can be so loud it doesn't matter. I can be in another room and he'd keep me awake. I'm constantly telling him to at least turn in the other direction. I've figured out this way of plugging up my ear with my fingers - honestly, it's how I sleep.

rebekah said...

I'm the bed hog and he is the one snoring so loud. I'm always pushing him and telling him to roll over because he is snoring to loud. After being married for tens years I'm kind of use to it now. I would have to say I agree with all of your rules though.

Problem Child said...

It took DG and I a long time to find that sprawl-without-breathing-on-me- position. I'd get a crick in my neck if I tried to sleep like that, but I guess he's willing to trade the crick for the sprawl rights. Go figure. (He's also a lot taller than me, so oftentimes he can just breathe over my head.)

I knew a good many of you weren't snugglers, but good to know I'm not alone with the breathing issue.

Drooling on me just goes without saying...

amy*skf said...

Oh, these are great.

Mune are pretty much the same and I agree--once the fun is over, be gone.

I'm the snorer, but I usually go to bed last. We have a king size bed and sometimes it's just not big enough for the both of us:

1. Do not touch me
2. Do not breathe on me
3. Do not take or touch my pillow.
4. Do not laugh at me for wanting many layers of blankets on top of me.
5. And for heaven's sake--if odors are going to come out of anywhere, get out of bed.

Playground Monitor said...

OMG! We forgot about odors. If you can't get out of the bed, at least don't fan the covers.


Carlo said...
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