The Top 20 Things I Learned at the Retreat

Traveling is always a learning experience for me. It doesn't matter if you're going a few miles, a few hours, or a few flights from home. You always encounter something new. You always try something different. You always meet someone that adds value to your life or learn more about old friends. This latest retreat was awesome. We had a great time, as always. Of course, there's the disappointment that we won't be able to do it again for another whole year, but I guess that's what makes it special.

Here's a few things to help summarize our latest trip...

1. It doesn’t matter if it’s a weekend getaway, a week long conference or a trek to a foreign country, the Playfriends will have the same amount of luggage. We are limited only by my puzzle-like packing abilities and Angel’s need to see out the rear view window.


2. The infamous “Death Stare” is even more frightening when accompanied by a goatee, a gun and a fedora. I was very seriously concerned about getting my kneecaps popped if I didn’t behave.


3. Plotting a book in a room of over 20 people can be enlightening and inspiring at best, discouraging and confusing at worst. Either way it’s exhausting but you’ll get more out of it than you ever anticipated.


4. Even in a room full of women, if you wear fishnets and act flirty, you’ll get your butt pinched.


5. The term “fuzz” will never have the same meaning for me ever again.


6. There is no point in thinking even for a moment, that I will get any sleep while on a Playfriend trip, even if it is called a “retreat.” Sleep requires you to stop talking. We find that difficult.


7. Writers, when in the safety of the company of other writers, make excellent actors. They also make nasty, murdering, scheming extortionists.


8. There are a great many flavors of Jelly Belly jelly beans. A group of grown women can be occupied for almost an hour tasting and deciphering the color and speckle code. For the record, sometimes the yellow splotches on the buttered popcorn ones are not that visible and you may believe you’re eating a coconut one until it’s too late. (As an aside, if you try to give away a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans on the blog, the winner will not email you to claim it!)


9. Men’s suits are very hot. No wonder they hate to wear them and are always taking their jackets off.


10. Even the teeny-tiniest of women can give one heck of a massage. I wish I could keep that masseuse in my pocket and take her with me everywhere I go.


11. When given advanced notice to come up with some facts and lies about themselves, people can come up with some crazy stuff. Stuff that can even stump your best friends.


12. If you tell a group of women to bring snacks, be prepared. You will be inundated with fudge, cookies, crackers, nuts, chips, dip and giant bags of chocolate candies. Do not think for a moment that you will eat the low carb snack bars and cheese sticks you packed.


13. If you pack up all your makeup and cute clothes, load them into the back of the truck and resign yourself to sweats and a pony tail, everyone will decide it’s a good day to take pictures.


14. Not even romantic suspense writers will not take the time from their scheming ways to examine the evidence in a murder party game. Not even when you flat out tell them to.


15. It will take 2-3 good washings to get Dippity Do out of your hair. It takes even longer if you add fake blood.


16. Apparently, it is not normal for someone to know all of the lyrics to "Ice, Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice. Or at the very least, to still remember them after memorizing them in 6th grade. I think I frightened PC, although she should know better – she mentioned us going on those lyric game shows together for a reason. (As a follow on, if you bust out a funky Roger Rabbit dance move, people will stare.)


17. Even in the sanctity of a beautiful and historical church, some writers will feel the need to plot a murder there.


18. You can have top shelf tequila, a fierce dance cd playing, snacks, a karaoke machine, you name it – and some people will still sit around and talk business. (They will also give you dirty stares every time you start bellowing “We Are Family” and disrupt them.


19. Some clocks are smart. So smart, they reset themselves for daylight savings time. Unfortunately, they aren’t smart enough to read the paper and know the government changed it to a week later. I almost missed breakfast.


20. My RWA chapter has some of the coolest people ever. I "heart" you guys. :) (fans face, world peace, world peace!)

So...learned any life lessons lately? Share them!
SP

(PS. The winner of last week's mystery blog prize is: Carol. Email me at smartypants@writingplayground.com to claim your giftie!)

(PS. The winner of Angel's blog post on Monday is crystalgb. Email her at angel@writingplayground.com to claim your prize!)