Critique Partner - For Life?

As a writer, I've found critique partners invaluable. Several of the Playfriends critique my work in various stages, along with my sister, and the occasional feedback from a Maven, fellow writer, or contest judge. These invaluable people offer me encouragement on what I'm doing write, notes on what I'm doing wrong, and invariably awesome advice on how to improve my writing.

Its only recently that I realized I have people close to me that I turn to for Life critiques, too. These are the women (okay, occasionally its my husband, too) that I check in with life isn't going exactly as I planned. I present the situation, and they do a combination of any of the following: smack me with a wake up call, sympathize, offer advice or different strategies for coping, or share similar issues that they've had and how they dealt with them.

You know who these people are in your own lives. They're the ones you itched to call just as soon as the pressure is on, the ones you could stay up all night talking to, the first person you want to invite to lunch when you have a few minutes to spare.

I know a few women who don't have these types of people in their lives, and I find that very sad. Women thrive on interpersonal relationships – whether its one or several (as is my case and I count myself exceedingly blessed). And whether these relationships help you to blow off steam, figure out a solution to a difficult problem, or simply let you forget your worries for a while, they are more valuable than gold and to be protected with constant vigilance.

Today I want to celebrate these wonderful relationships in our lives! Tell us, who helps you critique your life (in the best possible way)?

Angel

Friends With Benefits

Friend: –noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

Of course, Facebook has turned the word into a verb, but I want to talk about the nouns. The people who can turn a crappy day into a good one with an email or a phone call or a spur or the moment invitation to lunch.

A good friend will listen to you whine (and then kick you in the butt when you've whined enough and help you fix the problem), loan you clothes, shoes, jewelry, whatever you need, help you pack and move, water your plants and pick up your mail when you're gone, read your latest masterpiece and be honest and drive you to the auto shop when you car's in for repair. A friend will also get up at 5 AM to take you to day surgery and then bring you back home and watch you drool in your drug-induced sleep. And they won't post photos on Facebook!

TV is full of famous pairs of friends -- Andy Taylor and Barney Fife, Lucy and Ethel, Laverne and Shirley, Starsky and Hutch, Mulder and Scully, Bert and Ernie. The movies have them too -- Abbott and Costello, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, Bambi and Thumper, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Famous pairs appear elsewhere too -- Barbie and Ken, Barnes & Noble, Abercrombie and Fitch, Dolce and Gabbana, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, gin and tonic.

But there's more to friendship than borrowed jewelry and mail call. There's a big benefit from friends. "Feeling cared for and supported within a social network is particularly important for women in fostering self-care," says Todd Jackson, PhD, author of a 2006 study linking high levels of social support and community involvement with healthier diet, exercise and sleep habits, among other positive effects. A good friend will motivate you, support you and hold you accountable. They'll celebrate the most joyous of days with you and get you through the darkest times of your life.

I count the Playfriends among my dearest of friends. We've traveled together, roomed together, dealt with cut fingers and blown knees, helped each other move, advised about automobiles, insurance companies, plumbers and various other home repair situations. We survived the meth lab raid in the motel room next to ours, introduced Instigator to Krispy Kreme doughnuts (on the same trip as the meth lab raid), plotted books and accepted each other's quirks.

Oddly enough, my divorce has led me to a new group of great friends. We're all members of the Sisterhood of Divorcees and we've kept each other sane. These new sisters have been there to listen to me cry, they came to court with me so I'd have a friendly face in the courtroom and they've told me it's okay to be angry. Never once have they patted me on the knee and said "Just get over it," because they all understand you have to work through the pain, not skirt around it.

A world without friends would be a bleak world indeed, and I consider myself beyond blessed to have so many great friends.

Got friends? Tell me about them and one commenter will win a package of conference goodies and books from my stash.

And now my favorite "friend" song.

Just a bystander. Honestly.

I didn’t plan to go to Disney World this year. I certainly didn’t mean to. After all, I did the Disney thing last year. I’m still trying to erase the memory of “It’s a Small World” from my mind.

But a couple of months ago, I was calming eating my grits at the monthly Playfriend breakfast, and the next thing I knew, I was swept up into the Disney plan.

The upside is that I’ve had to do nothing to plan this trip other than write SP a couple of checks and pack a bag. Insti and SP are travel agents on speed with an agenda and a plan and a timetable. Do not stand in their way. Smile and nod. Write a check. Do not question the vision.

I’m blown away with their attention to detail and their plan to squeeze every drop of coolness out of Disney possible. They’ve planned an amazing trip that the Playkids are going to be talking about for years to come.

(DG is a bit disappointed he can’t go – after all, when we went last year, he was recuperating from the flu and survived on toast and blue PowerAde. We’ll miss him, that’s for sure.)

The Control Freak has been out-Freaked this time. My clipboard and color-coding hang their heads in shame when stared down by the spreadsheets and matching t-shirts. But AC is going to think I’m the bestest mom EVAH for taking her on such an amazing trip – for which I will happily take credit, even if I didn’t plan a single thing.

Because I didn’t mean to go to Disney this year. Honestly, it just happened.

PC

Amuse Marilyn with your stories of being swept up into something without meaning to be and her favorite story will get a PC Disney prize pack!

I've always depended...

It’s been weeks since I mailed my full manuscript to New York City. Eight and a half weeks to be precise, but who’s counting. Surprisingly, that time has flown by.

It’s been a week since I got the cast on my foot. A week and a day, but who’s… you know. This first week has flown by too. But I’ve a stinking suspicion time is going to slow down soon. Yeah I have to stay off the foot as much as possible, so that means couch time with my foot propped on pillows and either a book in my hand or a Law and Order SVU rerun playing on the DVR. However, I learned last year after my foot surgery, which required two weeks of having the foot elevated, that cabin fever sets in quickly.

Smarty Pants took me to the movie Friday night (we saw Angels & Demons and I enjoyed the heck out of it, especially since I’ve been to Rome and have seen many of the sites shown in the film) and then I let my rarely-used adventuous side allow her to introduce me to Vietnamese food (also very good). On Sunday, Angel took me with her to Barnes and Noble where I actually wrote three pages on a short story. I know I should be working on the next book, not a short story, but I’m still pondering the next book, and with conference coming up I need some extra income for my expenses. Today I’m tagging along with Problem Child and she’ll drop me off at an appointment and pick me up afterward. At least there’s a Books-a-Million close by where she can stay entertained.

I’m reminded of the line from Tennessee Williams’s play A Streetcar Named Desire where Blanche DuBois says, “I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.” Of course the Playfriends aren’t strangers and I’m not going to be hauled to the insane asylum as Blanche was just after uttering the line. I don’t often ask for help and I think many women are the same. I trudge along, doing for myself until I’m put into a position where I can’t. Maybe I feel like I’m saving up favors for a day when I really need them so I can call them in during the thirty more days I’m in this cast (but who’s counting?).

Whatever the psychology, I’m grateful for the Playfriends. Here’s also a shout out to my friend Eileen who took me to get the cast put on and drove me yesterday to get a temporary handicapped placard so I don’t have to clomp in from the back forty in the Walmart parking lot. Thanks, too, to my neighbor Elizabeth who took me to the drugstore and the bank last week.

The cast has also affected my wardrobe. Whatever I wear has to fit over the cast, and so far I’ve managed with capris. I also have to wear a firmly fitting shoe on the left foot to give me stability. Around the house I wear a Croc; outdoors I wear a Sketcher sandal, a Clarks sandal or a tennis shoe. Real fashionable, huh?

And then last week it dawned on me that when this cast comes off three days before I leave for RWA conference, my leg is going to look like crap. I already have this notation on my calendar for July 10:

10 AM – cast removal
Immediately after – spa pedicure

And the cute little black dress I bought months ago for a party just isn’t going to work since it’s knee-length. My leg, even with a couple coats of Jergens Natural Glow, is gonna glow all right. It’ll probably illuminate under a black light. I’m having to re-evaluate my wardrobe for that night. I guess the cute little black dress will have to wait til next year. Besides, I needed to firm up my thighs and had begun doing lunges before the cast went on. Do you know how hard it is to lunge in a knee-high cast? Hard enough that these thighs will have to remain flabby til after July 10, another reason for the wardrobe re-evaluation. Le sigh.

Meanwhile, I continue pondering the next book, waiting to hear on the one I submitted, writing the short story that’s due Friday and depending on the kindness of a great bunch of friends.

P.S. Our big hair celebration is approaching and today's the deadline to send your photos to Problem Child to be included in the embarrassment fun.

ATTENTION Housemouse88. You won Christie Craig’s prize from her blog last week. Please email Angel with your name and snail mail info to claim the prize.