Thursday, August 28, 2008

Speed Demon

So, anyone who knows me will vouch for me when I say I'm a speed demon. Always have been, always will be. There was that brief two or three month period after I got a speeding ticket when I slowed down but...that didn't last long.

On the other hand, 'Zilla drives like my eighty year old grandma. And it drives me bonkers! I have to distract myself whenever we go somewhere or the fact that it takes us almost twice as long to arrive as it would if I were driving would make my brain explode.

So I thought it was rather hilarious when 'Zilla was stopped by a cop on the way home two days ago. Now, as I've mentioned before, we live out in the county. On a long road where everyone drives at least fifty - if not sixty - miles an hour. The speed limit is forty. However, if you drive forty you're going to piss off a lot of people because there's no place to pass for miles and traffic backs up rather quickly. 'Zilla drives that road at thirty-five - five miles below the speed limit at all times is his motto. Luckily for everyone else who lives around us, he tends to be on the road at odd hours of the day.

When he called me to tell me he'd been pulled over I laughed. I thought he was kidding. I asked him what in God's name the cop could have pulled him over for cause it sure as heck wasn't speeding. In fact, it was for driving too slow. And then I laughed harder.

Apparently, after all the niceties, the cop told him he'd been driving too slow and proceeded to ask if he'd been drinking or doing drugs. The cop kept him for ten minutes - I'm assuming to assess whether or not he was lying when he told the cop no but what do I know? He finally let 'Zilla go when he asked for the officer's supervisor's name.

I honestly don't mind the officer doing his job, but there was really no reason to keep him for ten minutes. I'm fairly certain it was obvious he wasn't driving impaired after about two...of course, then he started losing his temper and I don't think that helped 'Zilla's cause any. I, on the other hand, pass a cop on that same stretch of road at least once a week. And we all know I fly. I simply do the country wave (one index finger off the wheel in greeting) and never even tap the brakes. I know they aren't going to pull me over. They're flying just as fast as I am in the opposite direction. See, if 'Zilla had been following along with everyone else this never would have happened.

Any interesting run-ins with the law you'd like to share? Mine have all been tame and involve traffic violations. Oh, except for that hour I spent in the drunk tank. But that really doesn't count since it was for law club. I will say I learned one thing though - the food sucks.



KansasSue said...

Right after we moved to our current home (this was 10 years ago), I picked up the kidling from 2nd grade and came home. Mind you, at that time there were all of 4-6 houses on a two block long block, and only 2 others under construction. The mailbox was on the opposite side of the street where I was driving, so I pulled over in front of it and got out to get mail. A policeman, riding by, pulled over and proceeded to lecture me about driving on the wrong side of the road, because I had to have done that in order to park on that side. I hope his wife burnt his dinner.

The other happened about 6am on a residential street. I pulled up to the stop sign, and proceeded to make my right turn. The policeman around the corner felt it necessary to turn on his siren to pull me over (I hadn't gotten up to 20mph yet, let along the full 30 allowed.) "Ma'am, did you see that sign back there? It said stop. S-T-O-P. Stop. Not ooze. Stop. That means you must come to a complete halt for at least five seconds." He gave me a ticket. That was in 1977 and I'm still mad, besides....I thought the five second rule only applied to food dropped on the floor.

Rhonda Nelson said...

Instigator, how funny! (Sorry, Zilla!) My dh is the speed demon around here. Just got a ticket a few weeks ago, as a matter of fact. He's going to court to ask to go to driver's school. Again. :-)

Angel said...

That is too funny! Sorry, 'Zilla.

I've only ever had a parking ticket, though I have been pulled over twice for an expired tag. Once after we'd moved and I didn't get the notice to renew my tag. Oddly enough, the cop pulled me over on my way to the courthouse (maybe a block from there) where I was going to renew it. He just gave me a warning.

The other one pulled me over after I'd mailed off for our new tags, but forgot that they hadn't come in. Do you know they charged me $5 to have them remail our tag stickers? Like it was my fault they got lost in the mail and not returned to the courthouse? Oh well, at least I got off with a warning at that one too.


Maven Linda said...

One cop who stopped me for speeding tried to buy my car. He checked it out and said admiringly, "This thing will fly!" Well, duh.

He gave me his card and told me to call him if I ever wanted to sell it.

Yeah, right. (The previous two words prove that two positives can indeed make a negative; it's all in the context.)

Smarty Pants said...

That's funny. DB drives on the slow side too. I know this sounds crazy, but my car runs better between 50 and 60 mph. I don't know if that gear is less worn out or what, but it runs quieter with less vibrations if I speed. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

It makes DB crazy, but it makes him even more aggravated to know I haven't gotten a ticket or been pulled over ever, but he has. (KNOCK WOOD.) I was stopped as part of a checkpoint once, but I was the only one with my license and proof of insurance on hand and they let me go. I hope to maintain my perfect record just to aggravate him. Gives me something to hold over him when he not-so-subtley reminds me to use my blinker or what the speed limit actually is.

Problem Child said...

I try to keep it in the general vicintity of the speed limit--but no more than 5-10 mph over.

My problem is when the limit is something like 30 or 35. I can't drive 35. Picking a gear for 35 is impossible--more than 3rd, not quite enough for 4th--and I get tired of shifting constantly.

But I will warn you if you're on the way to my house: The windy road is 30. The long straight one is 35. And they're serious about it.

Playground Monitor said...

I've never had a ticket. Guess I've been lucky.
The DH has had his share -- and mine. For some reason he just doesn't think the rules apply to him.

#2 son was assaulted one summer during high school. We had to go to court and boy howdy was that an experience. It was like being in an episode of Springer. The three of us (me, DH and #2 son) had more teeth among us than the rest of the courtroom combined.

Lynn Raye Harris said...

I lived in Germany for nearly 10 years (hello, autobahn!) and drive a German-made ultimate driving machine. So do you think I tend to go a little fast? :)

I have my car set to warn me when I hit 80 (which is really, really slow for German cars). Hopefully I only do this on the interstate. But no, really, in town I try to follow the limit. Especially on my road where the cops love to hang out and give tickets. (To this point in my life, I have none -- but hubby does.)

I'm LOLing at 'Zilla. That's too darn funny. Hubby got hauled off in cuffs once by the military police. He was not amused, and they were wrong. Active Duty military can drive on expired licenses from certain states. Hubby's had expired many years ago. The cops pulled him over for speeding (20 in a 15, oh dear) and then proceeded to arrest him for driving on an expired license.

Much apologizing ensued when it went up the chain and the young MPs got their butts chewed out. But hubby has still ridden in the back of a patrol car in cuffs. He gets a little ticked when I ask him to describe the experience. *g*

Liza said...

I did get one speeding ticket one Sunday on my way to church. It made me so mad. My BIL is a cop and he told me never to set the cruise control when it rained and it was raining so the cop caught me doing 60 in a 45.

Sherry W. said...

I think our hubbies must be related. I do all the driving; he does all the complaining, but I would actually like to get there -Today.
Like Kansassue, I thought the only 5 second rule WAS about food on the floor.
I didn't get a ticket but had to sit and listen to a female RoboCop explain to me what all I did wrong. She was probably wondering why I had that cheeky grin going on but I kept wondering if she had bothered to look in the mirror before leaving home. She looked like the Pillsbury dough boy(girl) stuffed into that uniform and her hair was absolutely horrible. She didn't need a gun, she could just scare them to death. :O

birdzilla said...

We are having fun with this today...

I figure with my tendancies for the occasional misfortune, I do not want to tempt fate any more than necessary.

By the way, at least Instigator did not mention my driving capacity during rain. Honest as everything, I have been known to call someone to pick me up if it is go ahead and laugh.

Smarty Pants said...

That's understandable, Zilla. I have a fear of standing or rushing water across the road. A guy in Vegas actually drowned because it looked like just a few inches of muddy water on the road, but it had actually washed away a huge 8 ft deep section of it and his car went straight down into it, trapping him.

Anonymous said...

I was cutting across a shopping center parking lot one morning taking my son to school. I did this all the time, police stops me, apparantly I have no brake lights. I take my son to school and he lets everyone know I was stopped by a cop. Cop gave me a verbal warning, brake lights were fixed later that day. By the way, funny Zilla, never known anyone to get stopped for going too slow.

Jolie said...

ROFL!! I can empathize, however, because ever since being pulled over once in high school, I now tend to be the slow one on the road. I get the "grandma" comments all the time, Zilla...don't feel bad. LOL That one time wasn't anything special...I was going 60 mph in a 45 coming up on a school zone, which was out of session. I still lectured up one side of the road and down the other. The best part was that I'd just cleaned out my gym locker and had a ton of clothes in the backseat, covering my purse. So I had to get out to dig for my license. The cop gave me a sh!tty grin and made a smart comment about whether or not I had a gun buried back there. :(