Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I may be young at heart, but I'm not stupidly so...

Let’s brainstorm some things that are best left to the young. Say, those under 25 years of age:



Keg stands.



Dorm life.

Ah, dorm life. Communal living with strangers. Sharing space with people who, in turn, annoy you, disgust you, bother you, and steal your food. Without fail, these people stay up too late or get up too early, listen to horrifying music (usually too loud), borrow your clothes without permission, and hog the bathroom. If you’re really lucky, they’ll have a love-of-their-life that spends a good portion of the time in your room, often meaning that you’re stuck in the rec room until the wee hours of the morning while they do the horizontal limbo—hopefully, not in your bed.

Dorms are no place for adults.

So, it is with utmost amusement (and shock and horror and much disbelief) that I learned that Counselor Shelley will be moving into a dorm soon.

Yes, you read that right. Not graduate student housing. Not an on-campus apartment like they used to have for married students. A dorm.

See, Counselor Shelley is going back to school to become Dr. Shelley. Unfortunately, her PhD program is over an hour away from her nice suburban home on the golf course, and between gas prices and the workload piled on doctoral students, it just made sense for her to have a place near campus. Now, practical miss that Shelley is, she figured why not take advantage of the fact the University has living quarters right on campus?

Ummm, because it’s a dorm. Students live there, for goodness sake.

Now I know many of you don’t know Shelley all that well, but let’s just say that Shelley makes me seem very low maintenance in comparison. Can you envision me in a dorm? Now multiply that by about a thousand, and you’ll understand why I burst out laughing at the news and didn’t stop until I needed DG’s asthma inhaler.

She’s tried very hard to convince me of the soundness of this plan, but if you have to go buy a memory foam mattress (because you know those matresses are crap and dog only knows how dirty), a decent desk chair (because the standard issue ones will irritate your bad back) and some lamps (because you need the extra light to read), then sorry, you’re too old to be in the dorm.

I have visions of Shelley storming down hallways at 10pm, reminding everyone that it’s Quiet Hours and therefore time to turn that music down. It’s bedtime, people!

Thank dog she has a private room or she’d be short-sheeted (or worse) every single night.

I admire Shelley’s decision to get her PhD. I’m in awe of her determination and scholarly aspirations. I’m so proud of her because I know how hard she’s worked and how hard she will be working.

I’m also taking bets on how long this dorm thing will last. I see a off-campus studio apartment in the near future.

Or I would if I could stop laughing long enough.

Stay tuned. I’m sure this is going to be one fun semester…


*** So, did you live in a dorm? Did you love it or hate it? Think you could handle living there now? (Heck, I've decided Youth Hostels are just as bad...)


Smarty Pants said...

You couldn't pay me to live in a dorm again. Actually, I have nightmares about it quite frequently. Ugh. It was great back then, but now... no way. In my dreams, I always get frustrated and start yelling at the stupid teens. "I have a master's degree! I own my own house! What the heck am I doing here with you people??"

I can't imagine actually doing it. And on purpose. I can see it being an accident, like signing up for graduate housing and getting put in the wrong place, or it being full and bumping her out, but to deliberately sign up... all the squealing girls in her hallway are going to regret it.

Liza said...

I loved the dorm when I was there in college, but you couldn't pay me to ever live in one again. I live in an apartment and the noise from the hallways bugs me. My dream right now is to buy a townhouse so I only have 2 or 3 people living next to me(right now I'm in a building with 24 apartments).

Instigator said...

Yeah, never did the dorm thing. I went to community college with the intention of going away after a couple years...met 'Zilla instead :-) Let me tell ya, that is one life experience I'm not upset at missing.


Anonymous said...

No, I went to a community college, so no dorm life for me. But I do hear about it from my student workers and it can be hectic to say the least. So good luck with that Counselor Shelley.

Playground Monitor said...

Dorm life was great when I was 18-22 years old, but now? Uh... no way! If we're setting up a betting pool about how long she lasts, I'd like to participate.


Darling Geek said...

I loved living in the dorm back in college, but, then again, I was in the UK at the time, and I helped run a bar within stumbling distance.

I have to assume Dorm life is only fun if the other people staying there are the same age as you, however. I'm old enough to hate young people now.

Of course, I can't throw too many stones. At least two of the annoying habits PC listed were about me.

Now get off my lawn.

Kathy said...

Dorm life calls for patience. My roomie was pledging and when she wasn't trying to perfect her appearance, she was out with her DB. It was pretty quiet for me. But #2 had bad experiences every year. First, she had one roommate and they shared a connecting bathroom with two other people. Then she had a suite with four girls sharing two bathrooms, a living room and a kitchen. Then she shared an apartment with three girls and finally an apartment with 2 girls of those girls. Each time, she had problems with her roomies.

Good luck, Shelley!! Let's just say, I'm glad it's not me. :-)

wd verif. ootptsu

Crystal Lee said...

Nope, no dorm for me. I went to UAH and lived at home. Anyway, back then (yeah, back in the Dark Ages when we studied by candlelight) there weren't any good dorms on campus.

Lynn Raye Harris said...

I never did dorm life, thankfully. Lived with the parents, and then got married, and went to classes from the comfort of my own home.

Hubby, however, lived in a military barracks when we met. They call them dorms now. I got to experience that life vicariously as I went to visit him while we were dating. I remember one time when the children (yes, as I look back, they were definitely children -- 18 to 20 yr old military men) took over the hall with a keg of beer and decided to play football with it.

Shelley must be a tad crazy. :) There definitely comes a time in life when dorms are no longer fun. I think it happens around 25....

Sherry W. said...

Never did the dorm thing either but had friends that did. Going to visit them was an experience to say the least.

Maybe you should pack her a dorm emergency kit containing:
1) Prozac
2) Ear Plugs
3) Blinders (for the half dressed folks running around there)
4) ER call list of available on campus counselors - she's gonna need her own private one. :)

Jean said...

I liked living in the dorm but that was then and this is now. I remember one winter right after finals where everyone went crazy and started playing the pranks that always happen in books but seldom in reality. One night someone poured ice water on me in the shower and I proceeded to go out and stand in single digit temperature to get in to see Dr. Hook and the Medicine show. It didn't end well. I got, maybe, the sickest I've ever been in my life. My parents had to come get me, get me well, and take me back.
Before you feel too sorry for me about the ice water, I can assure you it was a friend who did it and I had it coming. People always say children have angels sitting on their shoulders or they would never make it to adolescence. I wonder how we made it out of college.

Shelley said...

I feel compelled to defend myself! Rather than crazy, I prefer to think of myself as adventurous. Fine, you’re right, I ‘m crazy as a loon! Correction, I am not taking lamps because there is inadequate lighting. I am taking lamps because I do not want to have to use the harsh fluorescent lighting provided. Being concerned about having to view myself under harsh lighting is a legitimate one. How is that high maintenance? So that I may type my dissertation, I have filed my gorgeous hot pink fingernails (sometimes referred to by others as “talons”) down to a more practical and less attractive length. That is a sacrifice no high maintenance woman would make. By the way, please don’t tell my husband you think I am high maintenance. I think I have finally convinced him that Botox and Louis Vuitton are necessities, not luxuries. As far as the children that I will be cohabitating with, they don’t stand a chance. Through my studies, I have developed a large bag of Jedi mind tricks. I will manipulate, intimidate and conquer. Perhaps I will even use my experience as the topic of my dissertation. “The Power of One: How a 100 Pound Red Head Became Dictator of Her Dorm (while wearing impractical and uncomfortable, yet, very fashionable footwear)” Betting against me may not be wise. As Gloria Gaynor sang, “I will survive.”

Smarty Pants said...

They'll probably pester you until you agree to buy them beer. :)

Jen said...

Babe, sign me up for the studio apartment from the get-go!

Problem Child said...

“The Power of One: How a 100 Pound Red Head Became Dictator of Her Dorm (while wearing impractical and uncomfortable, yet, very fashionable footwear)”

Hey, that's a dissertation I'd read!

(You do have great shoes my dear--I wouldn't trust them in a dorm of lesser-shod females...)

Instigator said...

LOL! Shelley, can you tutor me in the power of the jedi mind tricks? I think I should start on Sweet Pea and Baby Girl now...I'm going to need those tricks when they get to be tweens.


catslady said...

I communted and my oldest daughter did that for one year and then moved to a place with her boyfriend. My youngest communted for 2 years and we couldn't convince her to dorm so she got her own apt. ALL BY HERSELF which makes me nervous but her boyfriend had room mates and they were such horrible room mates that she vowed she would never take that chance.

Maven Linda said...

Shelley, please, PLEASE get counseling :-). You just aren't shopping in the right places. There is such a thing as COMFORTABLE, yet fashionable, footwear. Take it from me, there are some truly great shoes out there. There's no need to suffer for the art that is a great pair of shoes.

V.word: rdgboy. Ridgeboy? That's vaguely obscene.

Jane said...

I didn't do the dorm thing either. I regret not living in a dorm. I think I would have enjoyed the experience.

Jolie said...

Yep, I lived in a dorm too, and while it was the best time of my life...way back then...no way would I ever want to live in one now. The nearly communal shower situation alone was enough for me, and the shortage of space a very close second. I've been an "adult" far to long to even be to downsize to dorm life again. Yuck. I admire Shelley for going back and trying to do what she thinks will work best for her--and it very well may--but that is soooo not for me. LOL

Fun blog post, BTW!!

Jolie said...

Ohhigosh, wait...Shelley is married?!?!

Okay, seriously, I have dreams--nightmares??--about going back to school and dorm life now that I'm married (with kids). I just up and leave DH to deal with it all while I go back and finish up my degree, paying no mind to the fact that I have kids. Gah.

Though...living apart from the sloppy DH does have a certain appeal... :P