Thursday, January 10, 2008

Change and Choices

My husband is getting fixed tomorrow. I'm not sure he'd like me talking about this but...I'm gonna do it anyway. No one tell him okay?

It's honestly not that big of a deal although I'm absolutely certain he'd disagree with me. Yes, I know it involves incisions and pain. I understand. I birthed two children. His two children.

To be fair he isn't complaining about it. He's actually handling the entire thing really well. Although he did call me the other day after speaking to the nurse and say something that completely surprised me. He asked me if it was natural for him to second guess the decision. He'd begun to think that maybe we should have a third child, that it would be nice to have a boy.

The funny thing is that I've had these same thoughts off and on since he made the appointment for the surgery. Logically I realize this is probably normal. And I also know that we made this decision after careful thought and consideration. We have no room in our house for another child. That child would be at least 4 or 5 years younger than our youngest. I no longer have the energy to deal with months of no sleep. Not to mention the fact that while we'd be trying for a boy we'd be more likely to have another girl. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls. But 2 is plenty for me.

So yes, we've made the right decision. However that doesn't seem to have stopped the small voice of doubt in the back of both our minds. I'm wondering if it will go away.

I'm also wondering if it shares an apartment with the nasty voice that keeps telling me I don't know how to write and that any day now someone important is going to figure that fact out. If so I'm wondering if we can evict them both tomorrow.

Any nasty voices in your head you'd like to get rid of?


P.S. Elen Grey is our winner from yesterday's blog. Please email Playground Monitor with your snail mail info to claim your prize.


Barbara Vey said...

I think any life altering choices give us pause. The best advice I ever got was to not second guess myself and the ever popular "Hindsight is 20/20."

I understand the not feeling like I could write. While I'm not in the author league, writing the blog has made me feel that I'm not as inept at writing as I once thought.

When I interviewed Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer, she told me, "Never say you are not a writer. You ARE a writer." Then Bob sent me his latest book and inscribed it, "To Barbara, a writer." It made me tear up and stand a little taller. So I'm saying to you..."You Are a writer." (Just tell that little voice to shut up ::grin::)

Problem Child said...

I think it's natural to second guess a decision that's BIG and PERMENANT. We like to keep our options open.

Anyway, the "Trying for a boy" worries me...there's only a 50/50 chance you'll get one. Then what would you do with the girl?

Smarty Pants said...

My Aunt & Uncle kept trying for a boy and on their 6th try - they got one! Keep that in mind... :) Babysit your nephews if you feel the need to have some boy time.

Angel said...

Funny thing--the hubby and I didn't have this issue when he was fixed earlier this year. Probably because we'd already gone through it when decided whether or not to try for Little Man. We'd already worked all those voices out. :)

And yes, it is permanent. But not that permanent. It can be reversed if you both had this sudden urgent desire to have another. My dad had a vasectomy, had it reversed, then had another vasectomy. Having to go through surgery would give you a good reason to carefully reconsider that insane desire. :)

You kick that other voice to the curb, you hear me? Not a writer? That's just a bunch of BS! You are one of the most dedicated writers I know. And I expect some chapters to critique in the near future...


Playground Monitor said...

I was the one who got fixed in our family and never, ever, ever did I have a moment's doubt. Our plan was always 2 kids and PM gets her tubes tied. Aside from 2 kids being all we wanted and figured we could afford, I just didn't want a daughter badly enough to risk having another boy. That being said, I loved raising two boys even though I had no idea what to do with them when the first one came along. Now I get to enjoy my granddaughter and shop in the girl's department after so many years of buying Hot Wheels and stuff.

You ARE a writer too! Brenda Chin thinks so and that's good enough for me.


Jen said...

Ah, that nasty little "writer imposter/faker writer" voice. Just tell it to shut it's yap. It makes the round with most of us and you just have to beat it back into a corner.

Jen said...

See, obviously I'm a faker cause I couldn't even get my post correct. "shut its yap" instead of "shut it's yap". Sorry.

Lynn Raye Harris said...

Hugs, Instigator. It IS a big decision, and I am known for my waffling about big decisions. Heck, my hubby would tell you that trying to order food with me is a nightmare. :)

Oh hell, the writer voice. I have that one. Lately, it says I'm kidding myself and whatever makes me think I deserve to be published and have a career writing stories. So many other people deserve it way more than I do because they are way better. That's what the voice keeps saying.

I have another voice, though. It's a tiny one at the moment, though it sometimes roars. It's kind of like Eddie Murphy when he sticks his fingers in his ears and says, "I am not listening, I am not listening, lalala." I hear the mean voice, but I'm trying real hard not to listen to it.

BethRe said...

My God Mother has 5 boys. She and her husband kept trying for a girl. I can relate to the no enough energy to deal without sleep. I think you are making the right decision, I agree with everyone else who says that I think it is the Permentant part that is troublesome.You can write and you just shut the door on that voice

Karen said...

Been there, when the husband had his little surgery, I kept feeling panicky that we should maybe have one more kid before. But having 3 kids already I knew I was being silly about it and it was just the thought that once it was done, the baby days were over. But after he was safe, we never regretted it. To much carefree fun to be had then. I sometimes still thank him for having done that for us and it's been 8 years this spring.