Gnilleps *

To say I've been under stress for a couple years would be an understatement.  According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, I score pretty high.

Here's their list of stressful life events and the points associated with each.  Add the number of "Life Change Units" that apply for the past year to get your score.  Interpretation of the score is below the list.

Death of a spouse 100
Divorce 73
Marital separation 65
Imprisonment 63
Death of a close family member 63
Personal injury or illness 53
Marriage 50
Dismissal from work 47
Marital reconciliation 45
Retirement 45
Change in health of family member 44
Pregnancy 40
Sexual difficulties 39
Gain a new family member 39
Business readjustment 39
Change in financial state 38
Death of a close friend 37
Change to different line of work 36
Change in frequency of arguments 35
Major mortgage 32
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan 30
Change in responsibilities at work 29
Child leaving home 29
Trouble with in-laws 29
Outstanding personal achievement 28
Spouse starts or stops work 26
Begin or end school 26
Change in living conditions 25
Revision of personal habits 24
Trouble with boss 23
Change in working hours or conditions 20
Change in residence 20
Change in schools 20
Change in recreation 19
Change in church activities 19
Change in social activities 18
Minor mortgage or loan 17
Change in sleeping habits 16
Change in number of family reunions 15
Change in eating habits 15
Vacation 13
Christmas 12
Minor violation of law 11

Score of 300+: At risk of illness.
Score of 150-299+: Risk of illness is moderate (reduced by 30% from the above risk).
Score 150-: Only have a slight risk of illness.

My score for the past year is 206.  Ugh.  If you add in events that go back three years, I top out over 400 points. 

My divorce, a move and change in financial status and living conditions, a new job, death of a close friend, my mother's two surgeries, the auto accident and my injuries, holidays, vacations -- it all adds up.

So it's no wonder I've struggled with some stress-related health issues.  And that's what led me to watch a fascinating National Geographic documentary called STRESS:  The Silent Killer.  What an eye opener!  And sometimes in a scary way.

I'm going to recap some of the info I found most interesting.  (CAUTION:  Geek Alert!)

Stanford neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky says that that people, apes and monkeys are intelligent and sociable creatures with a lot of free time.  So why do we suffer from more stress-related illness than other animals?

"Primates are super smart and organized just enough to devote their free time to being miserable to each other and stressing each other out," he said. "But if you get chronically, psychosocially stressed, you're going to compromise your health. So, essentially, we've evolved to be smart enough to make ourselves sick."

Not encouraging, huh?

We respond to stress by releasing hormones that increase our heart rate and energy level.  It's the fight or flight response.  These hormones help us survive threats.  But we also release these hormones during non-threatening stress.  And the long-term exposure to them increases our chances of cardio-vascular disease, diabetes and gastrointestinal disorders.  The immune system can be compromised and brain function related to learning and memory can be affected as well. 

Children who suffer massive stress often exhibit a syndrome called stress dwarfism because normal growth hormones are suppressed.

Sapolsky studies baboons, which live in social environments where there are type-A baboons and low-ranking ones -- very much like our society.  He found that social rank and personality play significant roles, but social isolation may be even more important.

Another scientist, Dr. Carol Shively of Wake Forest University, has studied macaque monkeys for over thirty years and found that psychological stress increased the amount of visceral fat (AKA belly fat) in her subjects.  This same phenomenon is found in humans.  I have only to look around the divorce recovery group I facilitate to see woman after woman after woman with extra weight around the middle.  It can't be coincidence, since divorce is #2 on the stress list.

What was very encouraging, however, were the findings that social support can help reverse some of the deleterious effects of stress.  According to Sapolsky, happiness and self-esteem are important factors in reducing stress.  And contrary to popular opinion, neither are necessarily related to money.  Some of the poorest countries have some of the happiest citizens.

Studies have also suggested that chronic stress affects our DNA.  The ends of our chromosomes are called telomeres.  They shorten with age and the exposed ends begin to fray.  Stress accelerates the shortening process.  Telomerase is an enzyme that heals stress damage to the telomeres.  This is getting pretty technical, but hang with me folks because there's good news.

Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn, the 2009 Nobel Prize winner for medicine, has found that connecting with others helps increase production of telomerase. Compassion and caring for others can help us heal ourselves.

Several of us here at the Writing Playground have blogged about Random Acts of Kindness.  You can go up to the top left corner of the blog, type in "random acts of kindness" and find all the blog posts about it.  Well, it seems those RAKs really are good for us.

Getting together with others and talking about your problems is good too.  Dr. Blackburn visited a group of mothers, all of whom had children with special needs.  She found that their fellowship and camaraderie helped them cope with the brutally stressful roles they played.  These mothers laughed and cried with each other and left each meeting feeling uplifted and a little bit better about the day.

I have the Playfriends to get together with.  We're actually in the process of planning a dinner and sleepover soon.  We'll talk, we'll plot and brainstorm and no doubt we'll bitch.  But we'll all feel better when our time together is over.

I also have my divorce support group.  We talk, we help and encourage each other and we bitch.  And we always feel better when our time together is over.  I also act in the capacity of facilitator, and invariably helping someone else deal with the grief of divorce helps me chip away at the grief of mine.

Do you have a group you get with to help you cope with whatever it is that stresses your life?  Just remember that stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS!



*Gnilleps is one of the spelling challenges in the board game, Cranium, which is a favorite pasttime of the Playfriends.  And in case you haven't figured it out, gnilleps is spelling spelled backwards.

Coffee Shop Craze!

The holidays are approaching and most of us are busy thinking of the many, many things we have to do – groceries for the big meals coming up, shopping for presents, preparing for parties, decorating the house, the list goes on and on. And this is all on top of the normal routine and responsibilities.

There are all kinds of ways to make the holidays easier, but one thing I try to do is get a little time away from it all to relax, breathe, treat myself, and indulge in some uninterrupted writing.

My favorite place to do that? A coffee shop.

Starbucks in the first place that comes to mind for most people, but I must admit it isn’t my go-to place. The music is too loud. I can’t think in there, whether I’m trying to write or simply figure out the next item on my shopping list. And there’s just something about the atmosphere (Yep, I’m one of those touchy-feely kind of people!). The high noise level and kind of hectic pace creates a pressure inside me, instead of letting me relax.

What I really love is any place that feels casual (and I’m not above one of those girly café places either). Music is fine, but at a background rather than screaming level, friendly employees, and I must admit, I’m a sucker for a delicious-looking (and tasting) bakery section. Panera (the pictures below were taken there), Barnes and Nobles (which oddly enough is a Starbucks but without the Starbucks atmosphere), and a few local eateries that don’t mind people hanging out. If I can’t get to one of those, I’ll settle for Atlanta Bread Company or Books-A-Million (our local one can’t seem to regulate the temp in their building).




















This time away is about pampering myself, and that usually means a hot drink (cocoa is preferable, but occasionally flavored coffees) and a sugary indulgence. I love to sip, nibble, breathe, and think. Soak it all in, regain some sense of equilibrium, and prepare myself to jump back in the race once more – no matter what time of the year it is!

So, if you had an hour to just relax at a coffee shop, what would you order?

Angel

PS. SP is blogging on the Desire blog again. Join her to share your favorite Thanksgiving recipes.

To Smile or Not to Smile

"If you see a friend without a smile, give him one of yours."

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

"You're never fully dressed without a smile."

"The shortest distance betwen two people is a smile."

How many times have you heard your mother tell you to smile? "You don't want your face to get stuck in that frown, do you?" And has anyone told you it takes fewer muscles to smile than frown? (The veracity of this is undetermined.)

Personally, I like smiles. They're a lot nicer to look at than frowns. I try to smile at people. I like to think it makes me look like a pleasant person and will make people like me. And who doesn't like to be liked?

But a recent study from Michigan State University caught my eye and made me pause and think a minute.

In this study, scientists followed a group of bus drivers for two weeks to study the effects of fake smiles. They chose bus drivers because their jobs require interactions with a variety of people and they are supposed to be courteous to passengers.

The researchers studied what happened when the drivers pasted on fake smiles or when they had an authentic smile brought about by positive thoughts.

Following me so far?



After two weeks, the researchers found that when the drivers forced a smile, their moods worsened and they withdrew from work. Trying to push away negative thoughts may have made the thoughts more persistent.

On days when the drivers smiled because they thought about pleasant things, their moods were better and they were more productive at work.

To take the results a step further, women were more affected than men, perhaps because women are often socialized to smile more. Thus, faking that smile might cause more stress.

So what's the bottom line?

The research suggests faking a smile can make a bad day worse.

So what are you supposed to do when your dog died, your car was rear-ended, you just took a pay cut and you have a job in customer service where you're supposed to smile at people?

Maybe you should put this photo on your desk so you can generate a genuine smile.



Remember the smile quotes at the beginning of this post? I left my favorite til the end.

"Smile. It ticks off some people and makes others wonder what you've been up to."

So what say you about faking a smile?

Take *THAT* South Beach!

I have been battling an extra 15 to 20 pounds for the past two years. I've tried the South Beach diet (aside from being expensive, I have enough health issues without taking on the "South Beach Flu" that comes with carb withdrawal), portion control (I just eat small portions of too many foods) and the 11-Day Diet that mixes foods up in an effort to speed up your metabolism (all fruit day is okay, but all veggie day sucks).

I like food. Period. I eat well overall. That's a big rationalizing statement, I know. I have cookies in my pantry and frozen yogurt in my freezer. I also have lots of lean meat and fresh fruits and veggies.

One reason for my battle of the bulge is stress. My gastroenterologist told me about something called cortisol. It's called the stress hormone. It can do good things, like mimic hydrocortisone and help reduce inflammation.

It also causes you -- or more specifically, ME -- to gain wait around the middle. The doctor as much as told me that until my stress levels drop, I can eat a proper diet and exercise and I'm still going to have trouble losing this spare tire.

So I've concentrated on those lean meats, fresh fruits and veggies and limited amounts of complex carbohydrates (except for those cookies and frozen yogurt, but a gal's entitled to SOME fun, isn't she?).

Now I read online that certain carbs can actually help you lose weight. OH HAPPY DAY!

I'm going to quote the article in full and to give credit where credit is due, the original article can be found here.

Eating a diet packed with the right kind of carbs is the little-known secret to getting and staying slim for life.

When we talk about the right kind of carbs, we mean Resistant Starch. Hundreds of studies conducted at respected universities and research centers have shown Resistant Starch—such as grains, beans, and legumes—helps you eat less, burn more calories, feel more energized and less stressed, and lower cholesterol.

Sound too good to be true? Here are eight evidence-based reasons you must get carbs back in your life if you are ever to achieve that coveted sleek, slim look.

Eating carbs makes you thin for lifeA recent multi-center study found that the slimmest people also ate the most carbs, and the chubbiest ate the least. The researchers concluded that your odds of getting and staying slim are best when carbs make up to 64% of your total daily caloric intake, or 361 grams.

That's the equivalent of several stuffed baked potatoes (a food we bet you've been afraid to eat for decades).

Most low-carb diets limit you to fewer than 30% of total calories from carbs and sometimes contain as few as 30 grams of carbohydrates a day.

Carbs fill you upMany carb-filled foods act as powerful appetite suppressants. They're even more filling than protein or fat. These special carbs fill you up because they are digested more slowly than other types of foods, triggering a sensation of fullness in both your brain and your belly.

Research done at the University of Surrey in the United Kingdom found that consuming Resistant Starch in one meal caused study participants to consume 10% fewer calories (roughly 150 to 200 calories for the average woman) during the next day, because they felt less hungry.

Carbs curb your hungerAccording to researchers, when dieters are taken off a low-carb diet and shifted them to an approach that includes generous amounts of fiber and Resistant Starch foods, something wonderful happens: Within two days, the dieters' cravings go away.

The fiber and Resistant Starch fills them up and satisfies them while allowing them to eat the foods they crave. These good-news carbs also raise levels of satiety hormones that tell the brain to flip a switch that stifles hunger and turns up metabolism.

Carbs control blood sugar and diabetesThe right mix of carbs is the best way to control blood sugar and keep diabetes at bay. In one study at the Beltsville Human Nutrition Center at the USDA, participants who consumed a diet rich in high Resistant Starch foods were able to lower their post-meal blood sugar and insulin response by up to 38%.

Eat the carbs you want, but you need to combine them so that they don't cause a spike in your blood sugar. Instead of eating white rice, switch to brown and combine it with beans, corn, or other high Resistant Starch foods that keep your blood sugar more balanced than low-carb diets.

Carbs speed up metabolismCarbs high in Resistant Starch speed up your metabolism and your body's other natural fat burners. As Resistant Starch moves though your digestive system, it releases fatty acids that encourage fat burning, especially in your belly.

These fatty acids help preserve muscle mass—and that stokes your metabolism, helping you lose weight faster. Researchers set out to fatten up two groups of rats, feeding one group food that was low in Resistant Starch.

A second group was fed Resistant Starch-packed food. The rats fed the low Resistant Starch chow gained fat while losing muscle mass. Rats that ate the high Resistant Starch meals preserved their muscle mass, keeping their metabolism moving.

Carbs blast belly fatCarbs help you lose your belly fat faster than other foods, even when the same number of calories are consumed.

When scientists fed rats a diet rich in Resistant Starch, it increased the activity of fat-burning enzymes and decreased the activity of fat-storing enzymes. This means that the belly-fat cells were less likely to soak up and store calories as fat.

Carbs keep you satisfiedCarbs keep you satisfied longer than other foods. Here's why: Your brain acts like a computerized fuel gauge that directs you to fill up whenever it notices that its gas tank (stomach) is empty

Foods high in Resistant Starch flip on every single fullness trigger in the body. They release fullness hormones in the intestine and make your cells more sensitive to insulin.

By increasing your consumption of filling foods and releasing satiety hormones, you'll minimize your hunger and cravings.

Carbs make you feel good about you!"Dieters feel so empowered once they lose weight on carbs. For the first time, they are able to lose weight by eating in a balanced manner, without cutting out entire food groups," says Sari Greaves, a registered dietitian and spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association.

And what are these resistant starches they talk about? Here's a list:

Legumes such as black beans, black-eyed peas, chickpeas, edamame, great northern beans, kidney beans, lentils, lima beans, navy beans, pinto beans, soy beans, split peas and white beans.

Whole, intact grains such as pearl barley, bulgar wheat and long grain brown rice.

Bananas that are slightly green.


Yams & Potatoes best served cooled after cooking.

I LIKE most of these foods.

I think I'll hit the grocery store and get me some green-ish bananas! And for supper I can have lentils and brown rice.

Are YOU as excited about this as I am???????

Process of Simplification

They say life is about change, and I’ve had all the life I can handle in the last four months. In that time, my husband has changed careers and I’ve finally had to go back to work full time. I now clean houses 3 times a week, on top of my resume writing business. My husband’s new job keeps him out to really late hours, so on top of my new work I now have the morning and evening responsibilities for the kids alone on most days (can you say -- homework hell?).

Anyone reading this blog on a regular basis can probably guess that I don’t adapt very well. :) This has taken a lot of getting used to, and I spend a lot of days wishing I could go to bed and leave everything behind. There’s nothing like being overwhelmed already, then having children fight until bedtime, and refuse to stay in the bed without spankings, to leave you harried at the end of the day.

But though I don’t adapt quickly, I do eventually face things with a “might as well learn to cope” attitude. (Note I said: eventually) I’ve finally reached this stage with my new phase of life. Unfortunately, I couldn’t catch my breath long enough to see the best strategies for dealing with the chaos. Catch 22? So I came to a decision last week that my life had to slow down. If it wasn’t absolutely necessary, it wasn’t getting done. This was especially true for being on the road.

You see, I’m a goer. I practically live out of my car (as many soccer moms do, I’m sure, except my kids don’t play sports). But I’m always on the road to something. School, groceries, lunch, errands, writing stuff… there’s always some place to be. But in the midst of all that stuff, I’d lost the space to think, to breathe, to create. Something had to be done. I had to learn to say, gulp, NO.

Now, I make myself think twice before going anywhere. I’m even giving up my beloved “Write Out” for the time being. I’m limiting the amount of clients I take on to the ones I can comfortably fit in, and scheduling the rest into the next week if they want to wait. Right now, my focus has to be on working (to bring income to my family) and writing (to preserve my sanity and the one thing that is MINE). And by that I mean the actual writing, not writing-group related activities. The only exception is our local chapter meetings. Those days are my "treat", when I get to spend time with the Playfriends and lots of other friends and refresh my spirit and determination.

So tell me, have you figured out how to simplify? To create time in your life, rather than always spending it? If so, I’d love some advice. Otherwise, let’s discuss. :) I'm sure we could all use some "breathing" with the hectic holidays upon us.


Angel

Coming Soon!
The Playground has a birthday coming up! Next Monday, November 15, will be the Playground’s 5th birthday party. Join us for lots of fun and gifties, right here on the blog!

Blog Winner!
FBF winner is Tonya Renee Callihan! Please email your snail mail address to Smarty Pants to claim your prize. smartypants@writingplayground.com

Coffee: Nectar of the Gods... Or Not?

I’ve never been a coffee drinker. I’ve always loved the way it smelled, but it never tasted the same. I would eat coffee-flavored things. Coffee ice cream is my favorite flavor next to chocolate. Coffee candies and shakes are a great treat. I’ve even had a coffee scented candle. I just figured if I was going to load it down with lots of sugar then there was no point in cultivating the habit.

My preference was for hot chocolate, if the need for a warm beverage arose, but this past winter I was struck with lactose intolerance. All of a sudden, any contact with milk gave me really bad stomach pains. Lactaid offered no help whatsoever. My only reason to visit a Starbucks had disappeared.

Fast forward to August. Very big changes have been going on in my life and I was struggling to drag myself out of bed each morning and get my children off to school without forgetting all the important stuff. Stress will do that to ya. I had to have something to get me going in the morning. I tried hot tea, but couldn’t cultivate any true enthusiasm. I wanted to like it, but it just wasn’t happening for me.

Finally I broke down and got a coffee pot. By goodness, if I couldn’t manage on my own, I was going to get a shot of caffeine in some how, some way. I bought my first ever can of coffee grounds and some liquid creamer, because it had fewer carbs than the powdered kind my mama loves. What I found was that I could just make the coffee with some flavored creamer and didn’t need extra sugar.

Of course, I’m still not completely in the habit because sometimes I forget to make it. I don’t feel a major jolt of energy or anything after drinking it (maybe the brand I bought doesn’t have enough caffeine?), and I don’t miss it when I don’t have it, but it does give me a bit more focus in the morning, it seems.

So I’m forcing myself to take on a new habit. Pitiful, huh? Definitely crazy! What is your newest addiction? Do you like coffee? If so, what brand do you recommend? How do you take it?

Angel

Coming Soon!

This Wednesday, September 22, we welcome author Diane O’Brian Kelly to the Playground.

Craziness Has Ensued!

While I know that everyone else is going about their daily lives in a normal manner, I must confess that mine is focused around one simple activity right now: obsessing over my upcoming trip to RWA National Conference in Orlando. But it isn’t just the conference itself that has me in a tizzy. I have much more to worry about than that!

1. My plane leaves on Wednesday!
This might not seem like a big deal to anyone else (after all, I still have 2 days before I have to actually enter an airport), but since I’m afraid of flying, I start to worry about it way ahead of time. More experience flying has taught me some ways of calming these fears, but it still niggles in the back of my mind. And since I usually only fly once a year, I have to remind myself of these strategies with more frequency than if I flew all the time and they became second nature to me.

2. I have to pack!
Yep, I sure do and though I prefer not to be up packing at midnight the night before I leave, chances are, that’s where you’ll find me. But I try to plan ahead. I’ve been working on my packing list a little at a time for over a week (thanks, SP!), I’ve tried on clothes when I had time, and done copious amounts of laundry. Speaking of which…

3. Laundry needs to be done!
Don’t you hate it when you get all the colored clothes washed, then find that one light blue shirt that you need… still dirty?!?! Now what will I wash it with? Do I have time for another load? Is it worth the hassle? Sigh. If bosses in Corporate America only acknowledged the organizational skills it takes to wash and pack clothing for a trip, it would be on my resume in bold letters.

But it isn’t just my laundry that needs to be done. I try to get everyone else’s washed along with mine, because I don’t like to leave my family behind with more tasks than absolutely necessary. Which leads me to…

4. Do we have enough frozen dinners?
If you’ve been reading long enough, you’ll recognize the control freak in me rearing its ugly head. Couple that with my particular psychosis and the results sound like this, “I feel guilty about being gone for a week and leaving other people to deal with my (jobs, chores, tasks, etc), so I need to do as much as possible before I leave to make it as easy as possible for that person while I’m gone…” Not pretty, I know, but if stocking the freezer with frozen foods, leaving behind lists, and washing everyone’s laundry before I go makes me feel better about stepping onto that plane, then that’s what I’ll do. (Don’t hate me because I’m obsessive.) ;) Unfortunately, it also makes my To Do list double, so yes, I stress over time too.

5. Will everything fit in my suitcase?
Back to packing for a moment… do you know how hard it is to get all your conference stuff into a suitcase at less than 50 pounds? I’d really like to head down there with only one suitcase and a carry on, though I know I’ll come back with an extra duffle bag. But at $30 a pop, I’m hoping to take it down for less. But when you end up packing at midnight…

Okay, I think that’s enough obsessiveness for today. So tell us, what are you obsessing about these days? What thing do you always tell yourself you won’t do before a trip (like pack at midnight) that you always end up doing?

Angel

Conference Prep for Introverts

For those of you who haven’t guessed by now, I’m a confessed introvert, which means that crowds of people (especially strangers and unusual situations) drain the energy from me quicker than anything. Until the past 5 years, I would have described myself as a painfully shy person who had a great deal of difficulty talking to strangers and had uncomfortable physical reactions to speaking in front of others (shaking, flushing, nausea and nerves). RWA was the first organization I joined by myself, because I’m a twin, I often had my sister or husband with me in any new situation. Since I joined RWA solo, I had to put myself out there without the safety net of a “buddy”. :)

But I learned that practice makes putting myself out there a little bit easier. My local chapter has been a wonderful arena to gain experience as a speaker, in meeting new people and expanding my group of friends and acquaintances. There’s only one thing remaining that scares the bejeezus out of this introvert: National Conference! Two thousand editors, agents, authors, and RWA staff in one hotel with workshops, publishing house spotlights, pitch appointments, and—most stressful of all—social events like lunches and parties. It is one of the biggest learning and entertaining experiences a romance author can have. But the anticipation of all those opportunities to speak, be seen, have conversations, ask questions, meet people, and-did I mention-speak? The nervous anticipation can start getting to you before you even make it to Nationals.

I’m happy to say that, like my involvement in my local chapter of RWA, attending Nationals for several years has given me a chance to work out some of the nerves. I’ve learned a few tricks to help this introvert stay more calm and not so drained. I hope they can help you too!

Be Prepared!

This has been the biggest sanity saver for me. Before my first National Conference, my local chapter was generous with the information of what to expect and I took their advice to heart. Before I stepped out my door, I had thought through answers to some key questions that you hear all the time at Nationals. They show up during a lot of conversations and now I can answer them without having to obsess (before or after).

The questions that I’ve concocted short and sweet answers to are:

• What do you write? “Currently I’m working on a spicy romantic suspense with southern gothic influences. I’ve also written category length romance and short stories.”
• How did you start writing? “I’ve always made up stories in my head, but after my daughter was born a friend encouraged me to put them on paper. Once I started my first book, I was totally hooked!”
• Are you published? “I’ve published a bunch of short stories and articles, but I’m still working toward my goal of publishing a book.”
• Who are your favorite authors? Here I try to narrow it down to authors who have something in common with what I write, to give the listener an idea about my tastes. For instance, if you write paranormal vampires (and read them), you might mention Sherrilyn Kenyon (Dark Hunters) or Kerrelyn Sparks (humorous). If you write erotic, you might mention Beth Kery (light on the suspense angles) or Lora Leigh (heavier romantic suspense). Get the drift? Choose your favorite authors that reflect your writing interests, if possible.
• Have you seen (fill in the blank with local attraction)? Hopefully you can remember your traveling itinerary without preparing ahead of time, but keep this answer short. Mention your favorite thing so far, or if you are sightseeing after conference, the thing you are most looking forward to. Then let the other person interject their own thoughts on the subject.

***Because these are common questions at conference, you don’t have to wait to be asked them. Use them yourself to start up conversations when you find yourself meeting new people!

Schedule Rest and Time Alone!

Definition of an introvert: when being with other people drains you of energy, instead of energizing you. This means that spending all day mingling with others, talking after workshops, making small talk over lunch, or being brilliant in the elevator will make you very tired, very quickly. For me, the fatigue is more mental than physical, but it still forces me to collapse for several days after I get home. But I’ve come to recognize the fog that can suddenly make it hard to think and the overwhelming urge to just be alone, even if it is simply to lock myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes.

Some introverts can last longer than others. For instance, you may be able to interact with people all day, but need definite down time scheduled for each night. Others might need some alone time around mid-afternoon siesta, then be able to tackle the rest of the day. Whatever it is you need, acknowledge and plan for it! My plan usually includes taking my time in the shower each morning, even if it means getting up 5 minutes early. In a room with 4 people (even if they are my best friends), there is no solitude, except in the shower. ;) So I indulge a few extra minutes in the morning to start my day off with a good mental attitude. Also, I’ll occasionally come back to the room some time after lunch. Usually anyone in the room at that time is asleep anyway, so I can simply lay on the top of the covers with my eyes closed for 10 minutes for a touch of rejuvenation.

Other strategies might include planning a dinner that you can take back to your room one night for some peace away from the crowds, going out for a little solitary sight-seeing or browsing the bookstore by yourself. If you do little things like this for yourself throughout the day, your psyche won’t feel like it has to crash and burn by Saturday night. We want to see you all dressed up and happy at the Awards Ceremony, not stressed and frowning!

As for sleep, well, you can be guaranteed not to get the amount you usually do at home. Even if we make it to bed at a decent hour, my roommates and I often discuss the day’s events for a while before drifting off. At home, I’m an 8 hour a night girl. At conference… let’s just say I sleep a lot when I get home! That being said, it is a good thing to know your limits. If you absolutely cannot function without at least 5 hours (usually the minimum I need to be coherent), then getting only 3 the night before your editor’s appointment is a sincerely bad move. So be aware of your limits and work within them.

Remember: Editors are People Too!

A worrisome thought that gets planted into an introvert’s head can be: “What if I do something stupid in front of (insert here: editor, agent, publisher, best selling author, etc.)?” One of the big warnings that floats around the blogosphere and RWA chapters is to remember that people are watching and listening. And yes, there are plenty of publishing professionals at these events that I wouldn’t want to insult in some way with my behavior. Unfortunately, that puts a great deal of pressure on an introvert to be “on” all the time, draining their energy that much faster.

Here are a few things to help ease your stress in this instance: 1. Remember, these warnings are there to prevent UNPROFESSIONAL behavior, like complaining about an editor in the bathroom where anyone can here. There’s a big difference between that and tripping over your feet in the lobby of the hotel (been there, done that). The latter doesn’t mean someone will bar you from publishing for life. A simple use of common courtesy is all that is expected.

2. Remember, editors (and agents, publishers, etc.) are people too. They don’t need you to be cold and stiff with them. They simply want you to talk to them as if they were people (not your only hope of ever getting a book contract—there’s nothing like desperation to run off an editor!). Speak to them as you would any other acquaintance you meet. Often, publishing professionals won’t wear their nametags if they aren’t at an actual event, so saying hi or asking the stranger sitting next to you in the bar about their favorite area attractions is always a polite move. Ask them if they are there for the RWA conference and if so, what they write. If they don’t write, they’ll say so. Let them volunteer the information they want and don’t push to “pitch” unless they specifically say, “Tell me about your book.”

When the Nerves Start to Flutter…

But sometimes, despite everything you’ve tried, the nerves will strike out of nowhere! This always happens to me before my editor and agent appointments. Just thinking about those 10 minutes makes my stomach contract and flutter like butterflies have taken up residence. What’s an introvert to do then?

Well, the first thing I do is breathe. And I don’t mean this flippantly. Have you ever noticed that it is hard for your stomach to tighten if you are taking a truly deep breath? It may take several, but breathing is my first line of defense in these situations (and has the added benefit of helping you think more clearly).

Speaking of thoughts, that’s the next line of fire. If you are having specific worries, address each one. “What if I say something stupid? Well, if I stumble over my pitch, I can just stop, take a breath, give a little smile, and say something like, ‘Sorry, I’m a little nervous’.” “What if she hates it? Well, the worst she can do is say no, and then I’ve learned she isn’t the editor/agent for me.” See what I’m doing here. Don’t let your worries and fears spin out of control. Combat them with the truth of the matter. Then calm yourself down with a simple “This will be over in 10 minutes. I can survive anything for that long, right? :)”

So there you have it. These strategies have made National Conference (or any big event with lots of strangers) much more manageable despite my introvert personality, although I do spend some time after events wondering, “How I could possibly have said that!?!?” But I get over it and try to move on quickly… oh, another strategy slipping in there!

So tell us, what are your strategies for big crowds and situations where you might be uncomfortable? If you are lucky enough to be an extrovert, we’d love any advice you could offer too!


Angel

**For more professionally based information, check out the Clinic on the Playground and Counselor Shelley's advice for Introverts.

Will You Still Call Me Super(wo)man?

For a long time, I’ve done my darndest to be Superwoman. In addition to writing and trying to publish, I’m also a mother of 2 with a part-time resume writing business, a wife, a daughter, a friend and sister, and active member of my local writing chapter. I’m also a perfectionist in some areas, while I let others slide (like housekeeping and I’ll admit to letting my children watch too much television). I’ve tried to do it all, often suffering from burnout and stress.

Unfortunately, I suffer from a medical condition that is heavily influenced by the amount of stress in my life. Until I started researching my condition I didn’t realize how important the concept of “stress relief” was to me. This is not good, because I have a very difficult time getting outside of the stress in my life and doing anything about it. And while others seem to take the bumps and bruises of life in stride, I tend to take it all to heart and overreact to each and every one (I admit it, Drama Queen gets her nature honestly!). This may not be readily evident to those who aren’t close to me, because I react internally rather than causing a scene, but the women in my life are used to talking me off the ledge on a regular basis (I’m ashamed to admit).

I don’t know if the fact that I’m finally looking at my physical issues with some degree of realism, or if my slide into the last half of my 30th decade is influencing my thinking, but I’m approaching acceptance over the fact that I can’t do it all. I’m not a super mom (even though Little Man likes to pretend he’s Batman). I’m not physically or emotionally capable of doing it all. Because when I attempt to do so, the important things fall through the cracks, pushed aside by everything else with a deadline.

What brought all this self-reflection on, you ask. Well, quite a few things, actually. I won’t bore you with the details. But interacting with the women in my life has taught me that I’m not the only one in this situation. So many of us try to be everything to everyone, because that’s just what women do. We feel guilt when we ask someone to help us or try to delegate a task to someone else. For instance, even though I know that teaching my children to take care of themselves is good for them in the long run, a small part of me insists I should baby them for just a little longer (it isn’t winning, but the little voice is still there). Even though I know there are 4 people who dirty up this house and we should all work to keep it clean, it doesn’t occur to me to ask for help. Sad, but true. Clients call insisting they need something done Right Now, and I find myself cramming more into a day than I can reasonably handle, simply because I feel like I SHOULD.

So today, I simply wanted to share with you my own struggles. Being a writer is a part of who I am, not just some hobby I ‘do’. Oftentimes I feel that the ‘writer’ part of me is submerged beneath the demands of my life and my own demands upon myself. Writers are people too. :) In my books, I often portray heroines who “come into their own”, who find their place in the world and learn the true strength that lies within them. Many days, I don’t feel nearly as strong. I’m not Superwoman. I’m just me.

Do you struggle with “Superwoman Syndrome”? How do you combat it?

Angel

"Stressed" Spelled Backwards is "Desserts"

Stress. Everyone's got it. Some more than others. I've always tried to be fairly laid back, anticipating problems and trying to focus more on the potential solutions than flailing my arms about and whining. That doesn't mean I'm not stressed. I internalize it. Got the ulcers to prove it.

When I get completely frazzled, I like to take a break. Just a quick trip somewhere where I can kick back, sink into some form of water - be it the ocean, a pool, spa or sunken bathtub, have a glass of wine and let it go. Of course, in the real world that isn't always possible. For those occasions, I've tried yoga, meditation, and more commonly, massive doses of chocolate.

I saw a recent article on Yahoo that listed twenty easy tips for lowering your stress. Its mostly based on the theory that planning and dealing with stuff will keep the little things from piling up and pushing you over that edge. Here's their list:

Go to bed thirty minutes earlier than usual.

Get up twenty minutes earlier than usual.

Before you go to sleep, prepare for the morning.

Bring a hat and an umbrella.

Don’t wear tight clothes or uncomfortable shoes.

Make a list.

Listen to a favorite song.

Keep extra cash and stamps in the house.

Be polite and be fair.

Laugh out loud.

Have a good book to read.

Keep an extra set of keys.

Exercise.

Always keep your passport in the same place.

Throw something away.

Don’t say mean things about other people.

Put a Bandaid in your wallet.

Keep gas in the car.

Pay attention to someone else.

Make your bed.

I'm not doing so good on this list. I rush around in the morning to get that extra ten or fifteen minutes of sleep I probably don't need. I never take an umbrella. I never get gas or cash or stamps until I absolutely have to. Its terrible, really. I'm always up for laughing, singing or reading though. What about you? What are your favorite ways to de-stress? Think any of these might help you out?

SP

Doors & Windows

The last two years, I've written goals on a piece of paper on January 1st and filed them away in a small decorative box on top of my desk. Then at the end of the year, I see just how well I've done with meeting them.

Last year I did great. I exceeded the number of sales I'd set for myself with the confessions magazines and while I didn't finish writing a book, I wrote 50,000 words of it during the month of November.

On January 1, 2009, I wrote new goals, sure I could meet them. This is my list:

~ Finish writing a novel
~ Get my PRO pin
~ Pitch the novel at the RWA national conference
~ Write and submit 6 stories to the Trues magazines
~ Start a second novel
~ Get in shape and lose weight

I did finish the novel but I didn't pitch it at the conference because I had a chance to pitch it online at eHarlequin, where I got a request for the full manuscript. Unfortunately it was rejected, but the experience was fabulous and I learned so much. That opportunity earned me my PRO pin.

Then in July I added a seventh item: Survive divorce and come out stronger on the other end.

In 2005, we moved and our older son got married, and between the stress of those two things, my muse packed a bag and took an extended vacation to the tropics. She came back, though, in 2006 and I started my selling spree to the Trues. Things toddled along nicely until this year and when my world began to fall apart around me, the muse packed a bag, closed out her checking account, cancelled her subscription to the newspaper and applied for citizenship in another country.

Not only couldn't I write, I couldn't even read. Normally I read 4-6 books a month. I've only read 10 books all year. It's hard for me to sit still long enough to watch a one-hour show on TV even when I fast-forward through the commercials. Stress can be vicious. Aside from the mental effects, it has physical ones too. Remember my list above? I lost 15 pounds without dieting. I also lost a whole lot of junk when I cleaned out my stuff prior to moving into an apartment last weekend (thank you Playfriends, Playfriend spouses and Playkids for helping). The thrift store was excited.

Call it what you will -- a vacationing muse, writer's block or creative silence -- but it sucks, especially when you want to write and the words just won't come.

I recently had a small 2 x 3 inch ink drawing framed. My mom gave it to me and it sat in my kitchen window, still in the cellophane, without a frame, for over 25 years. I decided to frame it for my new apartment. It’s not a standard size so I figured I’d just have a new mat cut and put it in a standard frame. Nope. Wouldn’t work and look right. Soooo, $45 later it’s all framed and double matted and ready to be hung in a special place. What does this little thing say?



“God never closes a door without opening a window.”

I try not to focus on the closed doors behind me, and I've tried not to let my own personal drama spill over into other people's lives. But I figured it was time to say something here.

Rest assured I'm focusing on the open windows ahead. It isn’t always easy, but I’m going to do it.

I learned some lessons along the way:

Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
Crap happens.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
There is more than one reality.
Trust your gut.
Good friends and family are worth more than their weight in gold.

And my favorite is from a magnet my sister sent me when the aforementioned crap began to happen.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

I've no doubt the muse will be back in the end.

And so we end on a positive note, how about Donny "Puppy Love" Osmond and the Argentine tango???