Tuesday, July 08, 2008

How romantic.... (or not!)

I just did an interview where they asked me, “What was the most romantic gift or gesture you’ve ever received?” I have to admit: this was probably the toughest question on the list. It really stumped me. After several false starts, I finally asked DG what he thought his most romantic gesture or gift was. It stumped him too. I’m afraid DG ended up feeling a bit bad about the whole situation.

Not that DG isn’t romantic—he’s just not romantic in those big sweeping ways you see in movies (or read about in certain genres!). No, my Geek has never covered our bed in rose petals or put sweet messages up on a Jumbotron. But I’m okay with that because he’s big on the little gestures. Like leaving work in the middle of the day because I, in my baby-induced-Alzheimer’s state, forgot to save my thesis before closing. After I called him in an utter panic, he showed up to see if it could be retrieved—without me asking him to. Or like rubbing my feet just because it feels good. Or like the time I did one of those sponsored charity walks, but didn’t walk far enough to get the prize I wanted (hey, I walked 20 miles—that’s amazing for me). DG offered to drop my form and money off for me, and slid in a few extra notes to make up the difference. How about the fact he tells me I look great in a bikini, even though there’s an extra 10 pounds on my thighs? The fact he thinks my extreme mood swings are kinda cute? The fact he doesn't ask me to do yard work because I'm afraid of the lawn mower?

They’re all little things—and little things are so easy to take for granted. But it’s the little things that I think are the most romantic of all. After all, it’s those little things—like not eating curry at a restaurant because I can’t stand the smell—that tells me he knows me and thinks about me and my needs all the time. That’s romance—it may not be big or flashy, but it works for me. It may not be something I can build chapters of my books around, but it’s working in real life.

But I did come up with an answer to the question on the interview. It took me a while, and then I wanted to smack myself for not thinking of it immediately. DG left Scotland with little more than a backpack just to be with me. That’s pretty big and grand in the romance gesture department. DG felt much better about his romance skills after that. :-)

So, are you a fan of the big gestures or the little gestures? Is your man a big, flashy romantic who makes all the other girls sigh (and their husbands groan)? And if so, how often do you get those big romantic gestures?


Playground Monitor said...

The DH is pretty good in the romantic gestures department. No Jumbotrons for him, though he did call Delilah on the radio once on our anniversary and ask her to play "Wind Beneath My Wings" because he said that's what I was -- the wind beneath his wings. And he got a barbershop quartet to serenade me at work on Valentine's Day -- two different times.

He sends flowers on the appropriate occasions and surprises me when I least expect it with gifts (like the anniversary band for our 35th anniversary this year). And there are the nights when he says "Let's go get a sandwich" instead of me having to cook. Or he'll know I want to see a particular movie and it will show up on the Tivo. Nothing grand, but it's sweet and thoughtful.

I'll personally take lots of little gestures over a few big ones. That keeps things on an even keel and makes for smooth sailing -- at least for me.


Maven LJ said...

I love the little gestures that show a man knows you and cares. Anyone can plan out a big, flashy romantic surprise, but it takes a man who understands you to fill your days with the wonderful little things.

Sorry. I suppose I shouldn't say "little things" when we're talking about our guys. Let's stick with small gestures. Better? :-)

PC, your guy definitely sounds like a keeper.


Rhonda Nelson said...

No grand sweeping gestures here either. Little gestures, but it's those very things which remind me why we're together.

Lynn Raye Harris said...

I'm in agreement on the small gestures. They show that he pays attention and doesn't try to blast you with a brilliant huge gesture that will make you forget he doesn't know you don't like beets or that you hate to fly.

Hubby brought me roses, a card, and wine when I finished my latest book. I thought that was sweet. :) He also sends me links to things he thinks I'll like (probably not high on the romantic list, but I think it's sweet he thinks of me while he's at work surfing the news).

Rose petals on the bed or the Jumbotron message? Nah, he'd never think of that. And that's okay with me. :)

Darling Geek said...

This post makes me sound much nicer than I actually am.

I mean, it's not like I didn't get anything out of the whole moving continents thing. And she doesn't mention the unfortunate burping habit at all.

Smarty Pants said...

DG, I think the fact that you even read this blog is sweet. (Of course, most times it is to defend your honor, or in Zilla's case, to defend his livestock.) DB would have to look up the URL on one of the pens to find it.

He is good with the little things, though. I never want for computer or A/V upgrades, heavy lifting, oil changes or spark plugs for my dirt bike, or hugs. He's always there to try and make me laugh when I'm down. If I wanted Hamburger Helper every night, he'd even cook. :)

I think that's the stuff that makes a difference. The guy that proposes on a jumbotron in Times Square usually turns out to be the guy that breaks off the engagement and gives the ring to another girl he marries after only a few weeks of dating. (Nick Cannon)

Sherry W. said...

Definitely the small gestures. Yesterday morning hubby called to check if I was having trouble logging on to the internet. They were having problems in our area and he was sending them over my direction first so I wouldn't have to wait. Or picking up a drink for me at the store knowing that means diet and in a can.

And the best romantic gesture is telling me I still look sexy to him even though I just woke up with Medusa-like hair and look like a bag lady. : D

Anonymous said...

I don't have an SO currently, but when I did I was all about the little romantic things. Back rubs, her favorite cookies, her favorite candy. I always remembered our anniversary, even if I didn't have any gifts for her--she thought just the fact that I did what every other guy didnt..

To me romantic is about the small things, is about just being there.

And you know what? If that ain't romantic, then I don't ever want to be romantic.

Kathy said...

I'd say flying to another country just to be with your girl is classic romance, and classy too. :-)

I love it when my DH knows what I want or need before I do. Recently, he flew me to NY just because he knew how much it meant to me to be with #3 on his most important day. *sigh*

Instigator said...

Zilla is all about the small gestures. And I think that's perfect. The small gestures are all for me...those big things - like the jumbotron - are all about flash.

The fact that he's been constantly doing things lately that he probably shouldn't and then replies "but you're sick" when I tell him to stop just makes me go awwww. He has a crushed hand and gapping holes in his wrist and I'm the one that's sick. Stupid. But so sweet.


birdzilla said...

Thank you Insti...you know I try to do my best

I can live with my issues (you know I have them)

I know I have to take care of my ladies (sometimes in fear of revolt :) )

As for livestock SP...they usually can take care of themselves (much larger than average except the emu) and the only other males for the most part at the homestead

Smarty Pants said...

You have an Emu now?

Instigator said...

We better not have an emu!!! Or I take back everything I just said :-)


Anonymous said...

I don't have a significant other either, which I am ok with. But yes, the small gestures are the best and the most thoughtful. My brothers & sisters do that for each other. If we are out yard saling or shopping somewhere and we see something that another might appreciate we pick it up and pass it along. And you never know what you might receive when or who you might purchase something for whom just because. What fun!!! Also, I have been known to do this for my nieces or nephews if I see something that I must get for them. I know as a kid I would have loved this.

birdzilla said...


Insti is not reading right now... emu is awesome, little scary though

Anonymous said...

After 27 years of widowhood I developed a wonderful relationship with a man of the cloth. Being Roman Catholic he is big into the saints. One Saint George's day (remember St. George...he slew the dragon?) my dear friend brough me two long stemmed red roses (it is customary on St. George's day to give your loved one a red rose.) When he presented them to me he said, "One of these is from me and the other is from John" (my late husband). Believe me, I puddled up. How is that for a ramantic gesture from a senior citizen?

PM's Mother