Just Another PC Rant

~pulls her soapbox out of storage and blows the dust off~

Wow, haven’t been up on my soapbox in a while, but the need to rant has hold of me today. (Hey, I can see my house from here!)

I have to start today’s rant with a grammar lesson. Sorry about that. (But I haven’t done one of those in a while either.)

Tell me what’s wrong with this sentence:

USA Today bestselling author, Kimberly Lang is ranting on her soapbox today.

Um, it’s the comma, gang.

“USA Today bestselling author” is functioning as an adjective phrase modifying the noun “Kimberly Lang.” Now, would you insert a comma in the phrase “funky monkey?” No. "Funky" modifies "monkey" and you don’t separate an adjective from its noun with a comma. Period.

Some confusion arrives on the scene (as it often does with commas) when we start talking about appositives. An appositive renames the noun. So, in the phrase “My daughter, Amazing Child,” Amazing Child is the appositive renaming the noun phrase “my daughter.”

You still with me? Good.

However, some appositives are necessary while others aren’t. The sentence “My book The Secret Mistress Arrangement takes place in Chicago” contains a necessary appositive. I’ve written six books, so you need the title in order to know which book we’re talking about.

However, if I change the sentence to “My first book, The Secret Mistress Arrangement, takes place in Chicago,” the title of the book becomes unnecessary, because I can only have one first book. Necessary appositives are not set off from the sentence by commas. Unnecessary appositives are set off by commas. It can get tricky – if you, like me, only have one daughter, the appositive "Amazing Child" will always be unnecessary. Instigator has two daughters, so she always has a necessary appositive after the phrase “My daughter.” (For a full discussion of this, click here.)

And even if someone wanted to argue “Kimberly Lang” was an unnecessary appositive in that first sentence (good luck), where’s the other comma, huh? And no, in no way can anyone argue that “USA Today bestselling author” is some kind of introductory phrase or dependant clause.
So the sentence is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

But that’s not my rant. My rant is the fact I’m seeing this everywhere these days – and from people who should know better.

Just for example, a publicist sent me a press release she wanted me to send to my RWA chapter. This improper comma construction ran unchecked through the entire thing.

“Bestselling author, John Smith…” “Multipublished author, John Smith…” Seven times in one press release.

I’ll let the author of that press release claim one misconstruction like this as a typo. But seven? That’s not a typo; that’s “doesn’t understand the concept.” And this person is a claiming to be a professional publicist. Since writing press releases and other things are an important part of a publicist’s job, I’m allowed to expect her to write a proper press release.

So this rant is about more than just grammar. I’m so tired of people claiming they know what the hell they’re doing when they don’t. Poor John Smith hired a publicist assuming she could perform an essential part of her job: writing a press release. And it’s not like this structure is uncommon in press releases...

“New York Firefighter John Smith…” “Dog lover and poet John Smith…” “NASCAR fan and belly dancer John Smith…” No commas anywhere.

So this construction of adjective phrase + noun is not unique to authors. I just don’t understand why everywhere I look these days I see this. “Blaze author, Kira Sinclair…” “Presents author, Kimberly Lang…” Argh. I’m pulling my hair out.

Go ahead; call me a Grammar Nazi. But if you’re claiming to be a professional, please punctuate it correctly. Here, I’ll do it for you:

“Grammar Nazi and USA Today bestselling author Kimberly Lang climbed on her soapbox today about commas.”

(Look, I even made it longer and still didn't stick a comma in there!)

~huffs off~

Go ahead, tell me if I’m being unreasonable to expect a publicist to know how to write a press release and punctuate it properly…

PC

PS: And if you're really interested in learning more about commas and other fun grammar things, I have a whole series of articles about Grammar Gremlins here.

PPS: Author Kristi Gold joins us tomorrow!

PPPS: The Playfriends are partying with Barbara Vey this week in celebration of her Blogging Anniversary. Click on the link in the sidebar to check out all the cool things happening on Beyond Her Book all week and all the lovely prizes being given away.

How about a little power boost today?

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Last year we had Friend-of-the-Playground Pamela Hearon visit and blog about her experience with breast cancer. Earlier this year, my then-neighbor Kelley began an online journal about her diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer and she’s agreed to share with us today a little of her story.

Please scooch over and make room around the sandbox for Kelley.



Knowledge is power. I believe that is a very true statement. The problem comes when knowledge is also very scary. To be more specific, all my life I have been afraid to go to the doctor. I can’t tie it back to one incident that started this feeling or one doctor that was particularly frightening. All I know is when I am confronted with needing to go to a doctor, my instincts kick in and I go into survival mode. I know that sounds strange but that is how I feel. Every fiber of my being is screaming, “Don’t go!”. It is not that I am afraid of needles, white coats, blood, or even pain. I am afraid that I will learn something totally horrifying. After all, doctors have a knack for finding something wrong with you.

My breast cancer was thus discovered and diagnosed in a very unorthodox fashion. I presented myself to the emergency room with a very swollen breast. I thought I had a very bad infection and initially it looked that way. The surgeon on call that day who showed up to do a simple drainage of an abscess felt a biopsy was in order for a few reasons and did so while in surgery. He was right do to it because that biopsy proved to be positive. He delivered the news three days later that I indeed had breast cancer.

Scary knowledge. That’s what it was. Learning was scary. Scary pathology reports. Scary statistics. Scary choices. See, I was right! Doctors are scary!

Are a lot of you shaking your heads yet? I imagine you are thinking about how silly a grown woman must be to be scared to go for check ups and things like mammograms. I don’t care. To me this fear is real. My point in writing this down and sending it out is that if there is another woman out there who has this same fear and it keeps her from taking care of herself, then maybe she will know she is not alone and hopefully I can encourage that woman to find someone to help her. Maybe you know someone like this and you have thought that woman was lazy or stupid. If you do, please read on because maybe you could help that woman more than you ever know.

Anyone who knows me, knows I am not lazy. I work hard as a mom and a wife and feel I do a great job. I am also not stupid. I understand the importance of preventive medicine and finding diseases in early stages to improve the chance of recovery. But to get up and walk to the phone and make that appointment is so overwhelming that I just can not do it.

So, how do you help someone like me. Nagging is not the way. Telling me over and over that I just simply have to do it doesn’t work. I know I need to do it. I just can’t. I think it might be as simple as calling that woman and saying, “I know you are scared. What can I do to help make it less scary?” Then, be willing to do that. Don’t patronize but be there to listen and to help.
To the woman with the fear, I hope you can find the strength to call someone and ask for the support you need. I know it is hard but there are people who are willing to help if you just ask. I hope you will be braver than me and find courage that I couldn’t. Can I promise it won’t be scary? No. What I can promise is that there are people that will help you and guess what? Some of them are doctors and nurses! Yes, I did get the rolling of the eyes and the shaking of the heads from some of them, but I ignore them and move on to the ones who treat me with respect and caring no matter how nervous I am. They are out there and if that gives you the knowledge you need to take that first step, then I hope I gave it to you.

As for me and my health, I am not quite ready to rehash the details and the specifics about my cancer but it was caught early and had not spread to my lymph nodes. I am done with my chemo treatments and am preparing for radiation to start. I am blessed with a family that has been totally supportive, friends that keep my spirits up, and a medical team that welcomes me with open arms and has the knowledge to give me the power I need to move forward.
　

For more information about breast cancer and what you can do to help find a cure, go to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure website.

And go to The Breast Cancer Site to help fund free mammograms for women who might ordinarily not have access to them.

And last but certainly not least, keep abreast of your own body by doing breast self examination every month.