Grammar counts. EVERYWHERE!

I found this on Yahoo

Court kicks out frivolous Title IX cheerleader suit with gusto
By Cameron Smith

What happens when two cheerleaders get into a lengthy feud over a boy, then the younger is left off the varsity squad the following season? In Texas, a lawsuit happens, with said suit being laughed out of an appeals court upon its official review date.

As first reported by the Dallas Observer, the Title IX lawsuit filed by Liz Laningham -- the mother of former Carrollton (Texas) Creekview High cheerleader Sami Sanches (who is not pictured among the most recent group of Creekview cheerleaders below) -- was thrown out of the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals with the legal equivalent of a good, forceful kick to the rear end.


The following passage comes directly from the legal opinion given in the Laningham-Sanches case. In fact, it's the statement that starts off the lengthy court opinion, which you can read in full at the bottom of this Deadspin post right here.

Reduced to its essentials, this is nothing more than a dispute, fueled by a disgruntled cheerleader mom, over whether her daughter should have made the squad. It is a petty squabble, masquerading as a civil rights matter, that has no place in federal court or any other court. We find no error [with the lower court's judgement] and affirm.

Now, one might wonder how the mother of a high school cheerleader could possibly be delusional enough to think that a claim of a vast school conspiracy against her daughter would be validated by a federal court. In fact, one might also wonder what made her feel entitled enough to cite prior legal decisions that found proof of sexual harassment and discrimination against rape victims and students who happened to bear an unfortunate likeness with Monica Lewinsky, in that aforementioned court claim.

The answer, it seems, is that Ms. Laningham was quite delusional indeed. Among a serial list of issues raised in her original legal writ, the Dallas Observer pulled out the following salient complaints … none of which, one could argue, have absolutely anything to do with the kind of systematic discrimination Title IX and sexual harassment laws are intended to protect against:

1. The school did not remove the freshman cheerleading squad captain after she told Sanches she'd kissed her boyfriend.

2 The way the squad chose jump sequences at homecoming was patently unfair.

3. Rank favoritism.

4. The scheduling of the end-of-year banquet for cheerleaders was too favorable to senior girls.

5. Laningham was threatened with a lawsuit by other parents because she failed to return cheerleading videos.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a test case in when you know a lawsuit is extraordinarily frivolous. The fact that other parents had to file a suit against Laningham just to get her to return cheerleading squad videos is proof enough that she didn't have the greatest track record of responsible "cheerleading stewardship," for lack of a better term.

Still, the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals wasn't yet finished in its criticism of Laningham's irresponsible legal advocacy. In fact, it went so far as to criticize the grammar of the original filed brief in its footnotes, which it did with the following piece of exceptional intra-documentary referencing:

"Usually we do not comment on technical and grammatical errors, because anyone can make such an occasional mistake, but here the miscues are so egregious and obvious that an average fourth grader would have avoided most of them. …

"And finally, the sentence containing the word 'incompetence' makes no sense as a matter of standard English prose, so it is not reasonably possible to understand the thought, if any, that is being conveyed. It is ironic that the term 'incompetence' is used here, because the only thing that is incompetent is the passage itself."

Ouch. Laningham just got served ... a really nasty court decision.

Thus concluded what Prep Rally can only consider to be the greatest review of a frivolous high school athletics lawsuit of all time. It's a legal opinion that may be incredibly difficult to top in the future, too, given its brash handling of the case and willingness to try and set a precedent for how such future frivolous lawsuits will be handled.

So believe your English teacher when he/she tells you that grammar counts!

Just Another PC Rant

~pulls her soapbox out of storage and blows the dust off~

Wow, haven’t been up on my soapbox in a while, but the need to rant has hold of me today. (Hey, I can see my house from here!)

I have to start today’s rant with a grammar lesson. Sorry about that. (But I haven’t done one of those in a while either.)

Tell me what’s wrong with this sentence:

USA Today bestselling author, Kimberly Lang is ranting on her soapbox today.

Um, it’s the comma, gang.

“USA Today bestselling author” is functioning as an adjective phrase modifying the noun “Kimberly Lang.” Now, would you insert a comma in the phrase “funky monkey?” No. "Funky" modifies "monkey" and you don’t separate an adjective from its noun with a comma. Period.

Some confusion arrives on the scene (as it often does with commas) when we start talking about appositives. An appositive renames the noun. So, in the phrase “My daughter, Amazing Child,” Amazing Child is the appositive renaming the noun phrase “my daughter.”

You still with me? Good.

However, some appositives are necessary while others aren’t. The sentence “My book The Secret Mistress Arrangement takes place in Chicago” contains a necessary appositive. I’ve written six books, so you need the title in order to know which book we’re talking about.

However, if I change the sentence to “My first book, The Secret Mistress Arrangement, takes place in Chicago,” the title of the book becomes unnecessary, because I can only have one first book. Necessary appositives are not set off from the sentence by commas. Unnecessary appositives are set off by commas. It can get tricky – if you, like me, only have one daughter, the appositive "Amazing Child" will always be unnecessary. Instigator has two daughters, so she always has a necessary appositive after the phrase “My daughter.” (For a full discussion of this, click here.)

And even if someone wanted to argue “Kimberly Lang” was an unnecessary appositive in that first sentence (good luck), where’s the other comma, huh? And no, in no way can anyone argue that “USA Today bestselling author” is some kind of introductory phrase or dependant clause.
So the sentence is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

But that’s not my rant. My rant is the fact I’m seeing this everywhere these days – and from people who should know better.

Just for example, a publicist sent me a press release she wanted me to send to my RWA chapter. This improper comma construction ran unchecked through the entire thing.

“Bestselling author, John Smith…” “Multipublished author, John Smith…” Seven times in one press release.

I’ll let the author of that press release claim one misconstruction like this as a typo. But seven? That’s not a typo; that’s “doesn’t understand the concept.” And this person is a claiming to be a professional publicist. Since writing press releases and other things are an important part of a publicist’s job, I’m allowed to expect her to write a proper press release.

So this rant is about more than just grammar. I’m so tired of people claiming they know what the hell they’re doing when they don’t. Poor John Smith hired a publicist assuming she could perform an essential part of her job: writing a press release. And it’s not like this structure is uncommon in press releases...

“New York Firefighter John Smith…” “Dog lover and poet John Smith…” “NASCAR fan and belly dancer John Smith…” No commas anywhere.

So this construction of adjective phrase + noun is not unique to authors. I just don’t understand why everywhere I look these days I see this. “Blaze author, Kira Sinclair…” “Presents author, Kimberly Lang…” Argh. I’m pulling my hair out.

Go ahead; call me a Grammar Nazi. But if you’re claiming to be a professional, please punctuate it correctly. Here, I’ll do it for you:

“Grammar Nazi and USA Today bestselling author Kimberly Lang climbed on her soapbox today about commas.”

(Look, I even made it longer and still didn't stick a comma in there!)

~huffs off~

Go ahead, tell me if I’m being unreasonable to expect a publicist to know how to write a press release and punctuate it properly…

PC

PS: And if you're really interested in learning more about commas and other fun grammar things, I have a whole series of articles about Grammar Gremlins here.

PPS: Author Kristi Gold joins us tomorrow!

PPPS: The Playfriends are partying with Barbara Vey this week in celebration of her Blogging Anniversary. Click on the link in the sidebar to check out all the cool things happening on Beyond Her Book all week and all the lovely prizes being given away.

Readin' and Writin' and Spellin'

I hope this post doesn't come across as snobbish, but as a writer, I'm expected to have a certain grasp of the English language. I admit I don't know all the comma rules, but if I say so myself, I send in pretty clean copy. Probably my biggest issue is spelling. There's just no excuse for submitting misspelled words.

Mistakes happen, and sometimes out will go through instead of our, and because it isn't misspelled, the spell checker in my word processing program won't catch it. Just look how this poem illustrates that:

Candidate for a Pullet Surprise
by Mark Eckman and Jerrold H. Zar

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker's
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.

Nifty, huh? ;-)

I've discovered a real lack of good spelling skills lately. I've been perusing Craigs List looking for some items and I'm just appalled by what I read.

For example:


30" by 60" Marble Dinning Room Table and 4 Chairs - $200 (Arab)

I have a beautiful dining room table and 4 chairs for sale. Can e-mail photos but please if you are not interested do not contack me. I have had many in the past and when I sent them photos they did not even take the time to replay saying they were not interseted.

That should be dining room table. And contact. And reply. And interested though you got that one right the first time so I'll give it to you as a simple typo.

Queen Solid Oak Rice bed with chester/Dressor - $400 (Scottsboro)

Queen Size Solid OAK Rice Bed with Jamison Versa Pedic Bedding (Bedding -Value$1100) . Sleeps WONDERFULLY. Moving MUST SALE. Comes with Dresser with Mirror. and Chester drawers (5drawers)Medium to dark in color. Asking $400 or make respectable offer. Call XXX-XXX-XXXX. this is a steal.

Excuse me while I laugh over Chester drawers.

Armour cabinet/ Cherry in Color - $125

Cherry ARMOUR . Stands aprox 6 Ft. . Two doors with small shelving down one side and two larger shelves on the other.

I believe that should be armoire. I really hoped I was going to see a photo of a cabinet to hold a British knight's jousting suit.

Polish brass bed full size - $100 (madison)

Polished Solid brass bed with black laquer fininsh on parts. posts are solid brass. $100.

I wasn't aware Poland was a hot spot for the manufacture of brass furniture and then I saw they meant it was shiny and not from the land of kielbasa. Okay, so it's not misspelled. But it's a good example of how the wrong word can change the meaning of something.

L-SHAPED DESK MUST SALE!!!! - $150 (Huntsville)

L-Shaped Desk in Excellent Condidtion. Storage Kept - No Weather Damage!!!! Priced to Sale!!! Very Sturdy Dimensions 8 X 6(roughly)
The photos were taken outside dis-regard the sun shadows on the desk.

Dear desk owner!!!!
The correct wording would be priced to sell!!!! I will dis-regard the sun shadows if you'll exercise restraint with your exclamation points!!!!

Furniture for Sell (Hazel Green, Al)

This person has the opposite problem. The heading should be Furniture for Sale.

Beautiful Dinning Room Set Never Used - $600 (Harvest Alabama)

Great for Small Dinning Room or Kitchen Paid $1500 never used. Looks New. Beautiful Chairs and table. Custom Made Chairs. Gold and Silver color of chairs. Goes with any room.

I see Harvest has the same dinning room problem as Arab.

Dinning room table and chairs - $250 (Huntsville)

Dinning room table, with leaf and 6 chairs, 1 is a hoast, with arn rest. Made of maple, with fruit wood stain, was my grandparents and bought in 1960.

And so does the city that put man on the moon.

Occasional Arm Chair - $100 (SE Hsv)

Occasional arm chair, color dark green background with small mauve print. Outside measures 28"W x 27" D x 33.5"H. Comfortable and in good condition. Relatively small size makes this chair a good choice for apartment or small living room.

Are there frequent arm chairs?

Bakers Rack (Rod-Iron) - $100 (New Market, AL)

Beautiful Rod-Iron Baker's Rack!!! Two glass shelves, and built in wine bottle rack at the bottom!!! Would be beautiful in a a kitchen and perfect for a college student, or for someone who is just starting out!!!

Wrought iron!!! Wrought iron!!!

Wood folding dinning table w/ 2 wood chairs - $70 (Madison)

Apparently all of north Alabama has a dinning room problem.

Bedroom suite - $200 (Madison)

Cherry wood Bedroom suite including Chester Drawers, full size bed head and foot boards --Sliding mechanism broke on one of the drawers but every thing else is in good condition.

Now I'm laughing my arse off over Chester. And he has bed head too. Maybe I should take the exclamation point shaker and add some of those!!!!


enternment Cabnets (Winchester,Tn.)

2 enternment cabnets with storage made for TV also just make offer. one is brown in color and the other one is black

Just shaking my head here because I can't even think of a smart comment. The only thing that comes to mind is internment camps during World War II and those weren't funny.

Are these simply random exceptions to the rule? Do you guys find things like this online? Or am I making too much of a deal over this?

P.S. Be sure to come back tomorrow for our special guest blogger Anna DeStefano! Her latest book, a paranormal titled DARK LEGACY, was released on Tuesday.