Wardrobe Wednesday: Sock it to me

The recent tease of warm weather here has made me start thinking about short sleeves, bathing suits and sandals. Thoughts of sandals led to thoughts of socks and my love/hate relationship with this article of clothing.

When I was in high school, I COULD NOT WAIT to start wearing nylon stockings. Pantyhose had not yet come about so we wore regular stockings held up by a garter belt. Now men may think garter belts and stockings are sexy, but I can assure you as one who wore one of the damned things for several years, they are anything but. But I digress.

My senior year in high school, I was privy to the newfangled pantyhose. You see, my father worked in a hosiery mill and was able to get some for us. They were un-dyed, so I remember my mother dyeing them in the washing machine. We had nude ones, darker tan ones and even navy ones. No more garter belts! Yay! And pantyhose made mini skirts much nicer to wear. No more worries about flashing the tops of your stocking where the garters were fastened. Life was good.

Fast forward forty years, and I cannot tell you the last time I wore pantyhose. It might have been my son's wedding in 2005. I hate the things. In the heat of a southern summer, they should come with a health warning: CAUTION! Wearing these could cause you to sweat to death.

So what do I wear now? Socks! The very things I couldn't wait to get rid of back in my high school days. And as I put away a load of laundry last weekend, I realized I have more socks that Carter's has little liver pills. Here's a sampling from my sock drawer.

Angora blend socks on the left and fleece on the right. Maven Linda introduced me to fleece socks several years ago and OH MY GOSH! Talk about comfy and warm!



White Thor-lo on the left and World's Softest Socks on the right. I love the Thor-los because they have a compression band around the arch and just make my feet feel great. The world's softest ARE pretty darned soft. And they're pretty warm too. I also have the Thor-los in a quarter top sock to wear with tennis shoes in the summer.



Black dress socks with various designs. On the left we have gray and white dots and on the right are pink flowers. These go great with black dress pants and some sort of ugly, boxy but comfy shoes.



More socks to wear with slacks. On the left are my "coffee" socks. Kinda funkyk, huh? And on the right are hearts. I don't reserve them just for Valentine's Day, especially since I have decided I'm no longer going to celebrate Valentine's Day. I can wear them with jeans and various tops to match the various colors of the hearts.



Argyle anyone? It's made a comeback and I have a sweater that matches these socks. The stripes are just fun, though I wonder if those horizontal stripes make my feet look fat.



I'll be glad to retire my socks soon. This winter's bitter cold has had my tootsies covered with socks a lot. I was re-doing part of my closet a few weeks ago and re-positioned a hanging shoe rack that holds about 8 pairs of sandals. I long to wear them and let my feet breathe. I'll admit publicly that one pair is Birkenstocks, those ugly sandals that are designed to make your feet feel good while they look like hell. The rack also holds three pairs of Teva mush flip flops. If you haven't tried these, RUN to get a pair. They actually have an arch support in them and even with my foot issues (plantar fasciitis and Morton's neuromas) I can wear the Teva mushes with great comfort. And in the interest of full disclosure, I also own two pairs of Crocs. I know... I am running the risk of being voted out of "The Cult of the Shoe" by making the public admissions.

But before I break out the sandals, I have to follow the rules for wearing sandals, which I have posted below for everyone's benefit. Heed them or run the risk of having folks talk behind your back.

Rules when wearing sandals and open-toe shoes

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I
wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

~I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

~I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

~I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

~I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

~I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

~I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

~If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

~I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

~I will resist the urge to by jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

~I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

~I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

~I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

~I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth every penny). I suggest spending another $15.00 and get an even better one.

What's your favorite pair of socks? Or favorite pair of summer shoes? Do you follow "The Rules?"