Tasteful Tuesday -- Olympic Fashion

I’m no fashion guru, and I certainly don’t have a lot of room to criticize other people’s wardrobe choices, but geez, the Olympics have brought out my inner Joan Rivers…

Join me on the Red Carpet..

Let's look first at the stylish outfits worn at the opening ceremonies:


I know Ralph Lauren designed these outfits (and they aren't truly hideous), but this just doesn't say "elite athlete" to me. It rather speaks of Grey Poupon mustard, pipes and brandy by the fire, and discussions of the Great War. I mean, honestly, these people are the best of the best; they are a miracle combination of genetics and training and technology, and this outfit makes them look like they're one bus stop from the old folks' home.

Next up, Snowboarding:

This is the official team outfit.

Snowpants made to look like ratty jeans? Come on, this is the Olympics: World-wide television, representing your country, making your mom so proud... I know you're snowboarders: you're cool, you're hip, and stoner-boy is the current trend. But today you are an Olympic athlete. Can you at least humor your mom and the IOC and wear something that doesn't look like you grabbed it off the dirty laundry heap on your bedroom floor?

I know, you snowboaders don't want to wear one of these:


And I can't really blame you. But surely there's a happy compromise in the middle.

So after posting that last picture, let's go ahead and talk lycra. I fully understand that these athletes are going for function over form. Substance over style. They need something that's warm, but doesn't add bulk or weight or restrict range of motion.

This suit is perfect for that.

It doesn't mean it's going to look good.

Now, if I had the body of an Olympic athlete, I'd be flaunting it. Everywhere I went. Lycra would become an important part of my wardrobe. But head-to-toe lycra isn't a good look for anyone -- regardless of the shape they're in. But I get it, I really do: FUNCTION OVER FASHION. But whose bright idea was this:

Are those flames on her thighs? I know she's a speedskater and faster than greased lightening on those skates, but flames? On her thighs? Are they trying to make her look like a Hot Wheels car?

And this:

That's just cruel. Like Two-man luge isn't a strange enough sport, they had to put them in those outfits? No one -- I don't care how great your shape is -- can make that look not horrible. (Of course, these guys are crazy enough to do two-man luge -- which I think is code for "don't-tell-my-mom-I'm-rocketing-down-an-ice-tunnel-on-a-sled-I-can't-really-steer" -- so they have many other issues to deal with besides horrible outfits.)


Last, but not least, the strangest outfits of all: Men's Figure Skating.


Skaters, too, need to have the whole range-of-motion, non-constricting outfit need. Plus, this is an artistic sport, so uniforms are out and costumes are in. I'm totally on board with that.

Please understand that I grew up in a ballet company. The guys I went to school with wore tights every day. And they wore them on stage with little more than an interesting waist-length jacket to complete the look. I understand costuming traditions. I'm all for expression of the music and mood through fabric choices. A little glitter and pizazz never hurt anybody. I understand that tights are not in the least bit indicative of sexuality or prowess.

But, guys, honestly -- are you not getting taunted enough these days just for being a figure skater?

Do we really need to egg on the bullies with something like this:

Or this?

You are strong, powerful, flexible, and graceful -- not a combo we see in most male athletes. You are also wearing extremely sharp blades on your feet. You could could probably combine some kind of spinning-jump-kick and remove my head with those things. You are practically a lethal weapon. Set to classical music. You're a martini and a gun away from being James Freakin' Bond. Come on, guys, can you show me some testosterone?

And then there's atrocities like this:




Who told this couple those outfits were anything other than ridiculous? They look like the the junior high drama club's costume department threw them together on a Saturday morning from stuff they grabbed out of the craft closet. Did they lose a bet? (I'd say yes, but as you can tell from the captions above, they wore this costume twice. On purpose.)

Now, I understand that most of the athletes -- other than the skaters -- don't have a lot of choice in their Olympic wear, and their focus is on winning. Not on how that red-white-and-blue lycra suit would make even the most buff and toned look strangely lumpy in places. I will raise an eyebrow, but realize that function trumps form for a gold medal.

The snowboarders? I want to tell them to pull up their pants.

The skaters? Don't you just know that Clinton and Stacy are dying to burst into the dressing rooms and clear the racks of costumes?

But no matter what I think of what any of them are wearing, I bow to their dedication, discipline and drive. Not just Team USA, but all the athletes who train their whole lives for a shot at a medal. The fact you're at the Olympics at all puts you in a whole different class.

So, was there an outfit at the Olympics that bugged you?

PC

PS: Julie Cohen blogs tomorrow on something creepier than that pair's outfits...

Olympics

Have you been watching the Olympics?

I've been glued to the TV for the last 2 weeks. It started out on a high note with a great opening ceremonies and has just gotten better. The fact that the US is currently leading the medal race hasn't hurt either. There's something fun about watching our athletes succeed.

Zilla and I have spent several nights together picking and fighting over the events. We've argued about figure skating. We've laughed at ski cross and snowboarding and we've become enthralled with curling.

I've watched sports I didn't even know existed...and come to really enjoy them. Although, it's always the human interest stories that get to me. The snowboarder that broke his neck, the skier who fought addiction, Lindsey Vonn's injury and of course the Canadian who lost her mother just days before she had to skate. These are the stories that get my interest and keep me watching.

I realized, after days of lapping up these stories, that I could learn something from this. Personalizing the sport - putting a face on the competition - helped to snag my interest for events that I normally couldn't have cared less about. I think it's a lesson we can apply in writing too...make the character believable, compelling and with a story that holds your interest and the readers will enjoy it too.

I will say there's one thing I'm tired of...the commercials. If I have to hear the world say ah one more time I think I'm going to scream, and if I never see another DayQuil commercial it'll be too soon.

So, are you watching? What's your favorite event? Have you been disappointed by a competitor? Is there something you're still looking forward to seeing?

I'm looking forward to seeing the closing ceremonies although it will be a little bittersweet. I'll be sad to see these games end.

Instigator

Hellooooo Baaaaaby!

Make no mistake, I think cell phones are a great convenience, and mine gives me a feeling of security when I'm driving long distances alone. But some people take things to the extreme. Like the folks who yak while driving. Or worse yet teens who text and drive. And then there are folks who just won't turn off the cell phone in the theater or doctor's office. It's annoying enough to have the high point of a movie interrupted by someone's cell phone playing "Redneck Woman," but please spare me having to listen to you gripe about your ex-husband while I'm waiting to see the doctor.

Apparently I am not the only person who feels cell phone usage has gotten out of hand. Jacqueline Whitmore, founder and director of The Protocol School of Palm Beach, is also Sprint's etiquette spokeswoman and she's declared July to be National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. She thinks it's time to teach folks some basics.

Jacqueline said her masseusse once took a call during her massage. "This went on for five minutes while she was massaging my one shoulder with her one hand," said Whitmore.

Courtesy month has some rules including keeping calls private, not yelling on your cell and letting some calls just roll to voice mail. Ms. Whitmore says most people do the right thing but plenty don't. With more than two hundred fifty million users in the U.S., that's an awful lot of discourtesy. But maybe National Cell Phone Courtesy Month will catch on and some folks will realize the error of their ways.

Here's her etiquette quiz. We won't ask you to post your score. ;-)


1. When talking on a wireless phone in public, you:
a. Talk loudly. Cell phone connections are not that good.
b. Get caught up in the conversation and do not realize how loud you are talking.
c. Talk in a normal tone. Cell phone technology is so good that a whisper could be heard on the other end.


2. When entering a movie theater, you:
a. Turn your phone off or place it on silent so you will not disrupt others in the audience.
b. Put your phone on vibrate.
c. Keep your phone on its normal ringer, so you do no miss any calls.


3. You are in a meeting and your phone rings, you:
a. Don't worry about it ringing; you have already set your phone on silent.
b. Take the call. It is more important than the meeting you are in.
c. Remove yourself from the meeting to take the call. You have already alerted your colleagues that you are expecting a call.


4. You are out to dinner with friends at a restaurant and your phone rings, you:
a. Apologize and let the call go to voicemail. Then turn off the ringer.
b. Step outside to take the call. You had already told your friends that you are expecting a call.
c. Take the call at the table.


5. You are in the grocery store and your co-worker alerts you on your Walkie-talkie, you:
a. Let her know that you will contact her in 10 minutes when you're in the car.
b. Continue the conversation on speaker phone as you shop.
c. You turn off the speaker-phone to continue the conversation.

Answers: 1) c. 2) a. 3) a. 4) b. 5) c.

Got any cell phone rants of your own? My favorite is when the DH and I were in the book store and a man beside us got a cell phone call. It was his wife calling to find him in the store. Turns out she was on the other side of the aisle. Sheesh.


P.S. Another round of congrats to hometown girl Margaret Hoelzer who qualified for the U.S. Olympic Swimming team again last Saturday night. This time it was in the 200 meter backstroke, and not only did she qualify, she set a new world record! Good going, Margaret! Let's bring home the gold for the USA!






P.P.S. Remember the story I blogged about last week? It's finished!!!!!!!!! Done. Complete. The End. Edited and submitted and it can never nag at my conscience again. Hallelujah! Now let's just hope they buy it.